Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Put Your Jaws Up Little Monsters

Yesterday a man on Cape Cod was reportedly attacked by a great white shark. This is the 19th shark attack in the US this year. The attack sounds like something straight out of Jaws. The man was body boarding when the shark's dorsal fin emerged to the surface (cue the haunting theme music) as the shark allegedly headed right towards him biting both his legs.
This attack comes only a few weeks after a man kayaking in California had a great white bite into his kayak.
Terrifying. But I'm prepared. When I head to vacation on the Cape I'm sporting this awesome bathing suit. I think the sharks will appreciate it and therefore choose not to snack on my probably very yummy thighs.

Also all of this shark drama will undoubtedly boost ratings for the Discovery Channel's upcoming Shark Week.
And in case you are like me and just can't wait to stare at predatory sharks for hours in sick fascination you can watch this live SharkCam of the tank at the Georgia Aquarium from their website!

Live Video app for Facebook by Ustream

Broadcasting [Not] Live From the Olympics

NBC is working around the clock to make sure that our Olympic viewing experience is as frustrating as possible. From delays, to spoilers, to their bizarre editing of the tribute to lives lost from terrorism, the network has really done a great job at reminding us that facebook, twitter, and the internet have made live TV and news media as dated as MySpace and telephones with cords.
What is the point of watching the Olympics on tv, NBC? The abundant commercials aren't great. And your commentary, especially by smug Matt Lauer, leaves much to be desired. Gone are the days where you gather with friends to cheer on your favorite athlete and event, eagerly sitting on the edge of your bar seat as they approach the finish line. Now thanks to NBC choosing to put prime events during prime time, in many cases by the time you are watching it, you know the outcome. It takes all the excitement out of the sport watching experience to not have it be live. Just think of the lameness of watching the Superbowl the day after when you already know who wins and what all the major plays will be.
Whether social media/internet or NBC is to blame, save a few moments, the Olympics this year is like a beer left open that's gone flat, sure the alcohol and athletes are still in it, but it's just not as much fizzy fun.

Just Saying.....

More of the same with unsurprising developments on last week's headlines.
--Mitt Romney's horrible case of foot-in-mouth continues to cause him trouble abroad in Israel where he managed to make all sorts of controversial statements and get the capital of Israel wrong.
--Another athlete was booted out of Olympic competition for racist tweets.
--And the always sage Sarah Palin chimed in on another hot topic tweeting a picture of her and the hubby enjoying some Chick-fil-A.
It would have been a good week for me to have posed as a psychic-I would have totally nailed all these predictions.

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Soup for You

What do you do if you starred on a major sitcom over a decade ago and haven't had work since? Well obviously you capitalize on that branding as much as you can to cling to those fleeting moments-even if that means riding around on a food truck giving out free food. Yep, that's what actor Larry Thomas aka The Soup Nazi from Seinfeld is doing.
From the end of July through next week, he will make his way in the Soup Nazimobile from Albuquerque, to Chicago, Philly, Boston, NYC, and Baltimore giving out free mulligatawny soup, and other foods iconic to Seinfeld including Junior Mints, muffin tops, black and white cookies, Twix and Snapple. As an actor, I find this publicity stunt tragic. His agent and  resume couldn't even land this poor man a job in summer stuck at Lake Winnipesaukee? Dancing with the "Stars?" Commercials for Campbell's? Anything? Yikes. Is it too late for me to go to law school? At least I can get some free food on August 1st when it rolls through Manhattan. Just don't take too long ordering or tell him he looks like Al Pacino in Scent of a Woman. Next!

Friday, July 27, 2012

I'm Going to Have Nightmares from the London Olympics Opening Ceremony

The Opening Ceremony to the XXX Olympics in London has left me with images that will haunt me when I close my eyes tonight.
Moments like this creepy-as-hell giant baby:

 And oh god this:
And what is this creature of the night descending ?
And why giant puppet Cruella DeVille? Just look closely at that poor, terrified child dressed as a puppy stuffed into bed with this monstrosity!
From what I could piece together when I was not too scared to look, England seemed to want to show their great history from the feudal years with sweeping pastorals complete with livestock to the Industrial Revolution where giant chimneys emerged from the ground to the technology revolution with a weird and irrelevant teenage love story involving sexting culminating with the guy who invented the World Wide Web typing that this nightmare was a gift for everyone. What givers those Brits are. They also wanted to to show their contributions to music throughout the years from haunting children's choirs singing folk tunes to the Brit pop invasion. And don't forget their salute to socialized medicine with dancing nurses and doctors from the National Health Service. That could go to Broadway.
There were some wonderful moments. I did enjoy hundreds of floating Mary Poppins. And David Beckham driving the speed boat carrying the Olympic Torch was the perfect sexy touch. He looked like James Bond.
But of course actual James Bond (Daniel Craig) was there. He and the Queen appeared in a comical little pre-filmed segment together and then arrived in a helicopter which they "parachuted" out of making quite the grand entrance.
And entrances is really what this ceremony is about as most of the hours of programming is the Parade of Nations with all the competing countries strutting out. That means it's time to put on those Made in China masterpieces Team USA! It's also time for you at home to sit there and have some wine and realize that you had no idea that there was a country named "Ja Booty"-Djibouti. And then get depressed that you are older than like 90% of the competing athletes and what have you done with your life.....so drink more.....ooooh look at those Brazilians!.......
Then just when you think that thanks to wine and those yummy, strapping athletes you have gotten some of the horrifying images from the pompous circumstance ceremony out of your head, they bring out hundreds of bicycle riders wearing glowing wings-allegedly symbolizing peace doves-but really they look like florescent flying monkey minions from The Wizard of Oz.
They light the torch, there are millions of dollars worth of fireworks, and obviously Paul McCartney is there to bring it on home while everyone sways to "Hey Jude." You know these athletes are partying like rockstars tonight in that Olympic village.
But the important thing is that the Olympics, in a blaze of pyrotechnics, have arrived and the world is about to embark on days of exciting, peaceful athletic competition. And of course we have the closing ceremonies-which are rumored to have a Spice Girls reunion.
I'm off to go sleep perchance to dream of a a giant Voldemort puppet. May have to leave a light on.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Romney Makes a Bloody Wanker of Himself

Oh bollocks
Presidential candidate Mitt Romney contracted a horrible case of foot-in-mouth disease while in London. He most likely contracted this embarrassing ailment before leaving the country and airplane travel or sipping English breakfast tea just made it more severe, but the timing for a breakout of foot-in-mouth couldn't be worse as this is Romney's first trip abroad as the presumptive GOP presidential nominee. The foot-in-mouth's primary symptom caused Romney to publicly question how prepared London is for the start of the Olympics and his comments obviously got a sharp response from British Prime Minister David Cameron. He then caused snickering among the Brits when he said that he spent a great day in the "backside" of Downing Street, rather than the back garden. And because this disease just makes it impossible to say anything appropriate, his verbal diarrhea announced his meeting with MI6, the U.K. Secret Intelligence Service whose existence was only acknowledged by the British government in 1994.
No word as to whether or not Romney will seek treatment for this disease or if he will continue to be one of the hundreds of politicians it affects daily causing them embarrassment and difficulty whenever they open their mouths. Our thoughts are with his campaign staff in this time of panic.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Palin Explains It All

The always profound Sarah Palin weighed in on the tragic Colorado massacre and whether the nation needs to have gun control laws. I was just waiting and hoping for this rifle loving lady to fire in on the discussion. In an interview with a reporter from entertainment website The Wrap, the former Alaska Governor and vice presidential candidate offered amazing words that are at once consoling and wise, while at the same time being quite radical and offering us a lot to think about. I almost got choked up hearing what she said.
Brace yourself.
"Bad guys, the criminals, don’t follow laws."-Palin
Perfect. I was wondering how to define what exactly it was that bad guys did that made them criminals....but I just couldn't put my finger on it. Thanks Palin for pulling the trigger on that bullet of knowledge to my brain. 

Why Is The Twittersphere So Racist?

At first it was just a nuisance. It was nonsensical sharing about what someone was having for dinner or what their meaningless thoughts on the Grammy's were. Then everyone was attempting to become a twitterlebrity by typing some vaguely witty remark that then would travel the twittersphere in hopes of getting retweeted by some B-list celebrity who has thousands of followers. What a great goal.
But now twitter is just outraging me and my case against twitter just keeps getting stronger. What is it about this social media site that lures its users who are prone to over-sharing to the false sense of security that they can say whatever horrible thought they want and hide behind their twitter handle?
A little bird told me you're a racist.
And it just keeps happening. Racism is running rampant on twitter. But at least people are facing actual consequences for their virtual world twacism.
Today triple jumper Voula Papachristou was expelled from Greece's Olympic team for comments she made on Twitter mocking African immigrants and expressing support for a far-right party. Earlier this week I mentioned the UK student who was jailed for his racist tweets about a school athlete. And earlier in the spring, Boston made headlines when many racist tweets against a Washington Capitals hockey player scored against the Boston's precious Bruins.
The trouble with racism on twitter is that the hate travels fast and far, which I suppose is the big draw if you are a bigoted jerk who wants to share your spiteful doctrine with the masses. In many cases, like the one of former Olympic hopeful Papachristou, the culprit when caught tries to say it was a misinterpreted joke. Please. Racism is racism. Even when it's said in a quick 140 characters or less.
Ok, I'm going to stop twitching in anger over tweeting. Why can't we all just be like the pandas:

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

The Sub and The Fury

Most people hate their job. The film "Office Space" offered the happy solution to a job that sucks was just to set the building on fire. But going pyro on your place of business is not really a great idea. Though 24 year old Casey James Fury, a civilian painter and sandblaster on a Navy submarine in Maine, did just that. Fury set the sub on fire-not once but on two separate occassions-so that he could get out of work early. Like in "Office Space," he almost got away with it too because the Navy originally were blaming the fire getting started on an industrial vacuum cleaner sucking up a heat source that ignited debris inside. But that sounded too far fetched. So they began investigating. Fury finally admitted, after failing a lie-detector test, that he started the fires that caused about $400 million in damages. He blames his anxiety disorder and says that it was made worse by a tense text-message exchange with his ex-girlfriend. So he took alcohol wipes and set them on fire on the nuclear sub. If convicted, Fury could face life imprisonment and a fine of up to $250,000 and be ordered to pay restitution, Navy officials said.
The lesson learned here so you don't end up in a fit of Fury is to try to find a job that you love or at least can tolerate, avoid ex-texting as it will only fill you with rage, put your name on your precious red stapler, and remember that only you can prevent office fires.
I told you I wanted to leave early to go to yoga to deal with my anger issues!

Romney's Viral Video Admirer is no Obama Girl

Remember Obama Girl?
The hot young woman with the popular, clever video where she confessed her crush on the Presidential candidate?
Well, Romney's campaign just got it's own musical youtube love note to add to it's list of endorsements. Meet William Tapley:
I guess to the GOP this is the kind of sexy that sells. Tapley is a self-proclaimed "Third Eagle of the Apocalypse and Co-Prophet of the End Times" (whatever that means) and has more than 5 million hits on his youtube page because he previously hit fame for his 2011 declaration that the Denver Airport is filled with phallic symbols.
Standing against a green screen that allows him to look like he's out in the middle of a lake, the bearded 73 year old plays the keyboard offering up a somewhat original song modeled after the tune of Christian hymn entitled "Mitt Romney-A Hero in My Mind."
You can watch it here:

This is exactly the kind of cool, internet endorsement Republican candidate Mitt Romney needed. But this just also makes me wonder what else is going on in this prophet dude's mind.

Amelia Earhart Is Still Missing

It's a day of great disappointment for me. The $2.2 million expedition brought no answers or closure to what happened to my childhood hero pilot Amelia Earhart and her navigator Fred Noonan during their fated 1937 attempt to fly around the world. I had been following this adventure for a while and was as optimistic as The International Group for Historic Aircraft Recovery who led the mission. But unfortunately the search was reportedly plagued with treacherous underwater terrain and repeated, unexpected equipment mishaps that caused delays.

The group's thesis is based on the idea that Earhart and Noonan landed on a reef near the Kiribati atoll of Nikumaroro, then survived a short time. Previous visits to the island have recovered artifacts that could have belonged to Earhart and Noonan including a much talked about jar of freckle cream, and experts say an October 1937 photo of the shoreline of the island could include a blurry image of the strut and wheel of a Lockheed Electra landing gear. This evidence had granted them the funding, equipment, and government support.
Amelia Earhart's fashion label featuring a plane taking off.
They will not be giving up on proving their thesis, but that doesn't stop me from being disappointed that it didn't happen this time. Since childhood I was fascinated by the beautiful, free spirit Earhart who also seemed to have inspired by Great Aunt Evy who shared many of her qualities and was also a pilot. Earhart was the woman I wanted to grow up to be-smart, determined, an adventurous risk-taker, fearless and all at the same time fashionable. In fact she had her own fashion line. That's right Olsen twins-she unfortunately paved the way for troll nuggets like you to build ridiculous empires and create $17000 fur bags.
Today in fact is Earhart's birthday and Google has paid her homage with today's clever logo. Even though we haven't been given a resolution to her mystery, I think I will take this day to remember to be brave and take risks. Embrace the mystery, because the unknown was only more motivation to Amelia Earhart.

Monday, July 23, 2012

A Map of Madonna's Antics

In case you are trying to keep vogue with the Material Girl's borderline behavior-here is a list of locations and the lewd actions she is recently doing to win friends and influence people around the world while on tour:

Tel Aviv, Israel: Slyly stealing Gaga's Gig by morphing "Express Yourself" into "Born This Way"
Istanbul, Turkey: Wrinkly Nipple flashing
Rome, Italy: Pleather Pants Dropping
Paris, France: Stamping a Swastika on Right-wing French party leader Marine Le Pen's forehead in a montage video while also flashing an image of her own face with a Hitler moustache

To be honest, I've been concerned about Madonna since the 53 year old's Superbowl appearance. While she did prove Sally Field correct that Boniva can do wonders for your osteoporosis and allow your bones to hold up so you may be flipped about by strapping young men while still managing to lip sync somewhat believably, it also proved that we have entered a new level of crazy and delusion in the constant chameleon that has been this pop star. Her wobbly-kneed moves looked like she was trying to walk and pelvic thrust at the same time but just couldn't quite coordinate it all. And then she added pom pom waving which is just not fitting for a middle aged woman. Some of the most exciting moments in her set that night were when it looked like Madonna was going to go down on the risers and not be able to get back up.
Madonna at the Superbowl: Help she's fallen and she can't get back up.
I suppose following the Superbowl, Madge learned to focus her performance more on showstopping shockers and flashing rather than her dodgy dance moves and two decade old hits. I can't wait to see what she comes up with next.

The Muppets vs. Chick-Fil-A

While, conservative TV and radio host Mike Huckabee is trying to create National Eat at Chick-Fil-A Day for this Wednesday in response to many urgings to boycott Chick-fil-A after Dan Cathy responded to the questions about the company's support for the traditional family saying, "Well, guilty as charged," The Muppets and The Jim Henson Company just say no to Chick-Fil-A. They posted this on facebook:
A noble but not surprising stance from the company that brought us "roommates" Bert and Ernie.
Also, I'm sure chicken-loving Gonzo is always in favor of eating less chickn'.
Gonzo loves his chicken, but not Chick-Fil-A.

Why I'd Rather Be Single Than Meet Someone Online

What a catch single ladies.....
This is actually horrifying. A woman named Diana came forward to TMZ (though that seems an odd choice of media to turn to) that the popular dating site Match.com sent her a suggestion of the profile for James Holmes, the man believed to be responsible for the Colorado movie theatre shooting. The suggestion was sent to her less than a day after the shootings. James aka Classic_Jim apparently hadn't visited the site in the last 24 hours, so it clearly had been created before. His profile also has the same tagline from James' adultfinder.com profile -- "Will you visit me in prison?" While his Match.com profile speaks of some of his interests and favorite things, including movies like Dumb and Dumber and Star Wars, his adultfinder.com profile was quite racy and described his genitals and said he was looking for a fling or casual sex-maybe even with a group.
There has been much talk about the risks of online dating sites. And Match.com does screen daters with the U.S. National Sex Offender Registry, but that wouldn't have protected you from being sucked into a date with this seemingly normal crazy man.
As much as I feel scared about ending up alone and a crazy cat lady, I'm more scared about ending up with whatever Match.com may have to offer. This justifies my fears. Thanks Match.com for making all of us single ladies feel better about our chances of finding love. I'm going to go cuddle with my cat.

The Twouble With Twitter

The micro-blogger twitter continues to land many of it's users in trouble.
Most recently to hit the headlines is 17 year old Savannah Dietrich of Kentucky. Savannah was a victim of sexual assault last year by two other teen boys she knew when she passed out after drinking. The boys also allegedly took pictures of the attack and shared them. Dietrich was obviously traumatized by this and said "For months, I cried myself to sleep. I couldn't go out in public places. You just sit there and wonder, who saw (the pictures), who knows?"
But now this victim is being charged because the boys who assaulted her plead guilty and got a plea agreement in court in June and Dietrich was upset by this and tweeted about it. Her tweets included the names of her assaulters which directly violates the court which advised everyone at the boys' hearing to not speak about what happened in court or the crime. Dietrich's tweet got her contempt and could land her in jail for 180 days and/or a $500 fine. The young woman says she tweeted because she felt her attackers "got off very easy ... and they tell me to be quiet, just silencing me at the end."
Dietrich's desire to have her voice heard seems understandable, but more and more it seems that taking your grievances to twitter and other online media is risky. While the 1st Amendment gives us freedom of speech, it does not protect us from breaking the law with what we say, which is what happened here.
Dietrich's trouble from twitter is becoming an increasing problem. In fact, NYPD (and I'm sure other police departments across the country) has a whole unit that peruses social media to catch criminals. Last spring in Wales a Swansea University student was jailed for over 50 days following a racist tweet about one of the school's athletes. And last year a nurse got into trouble for cruel and insensitive tweets about a patient who she was supposed to take off life support but refused to saying that it would take too much time and effort to deal with the body which would cut into her social life. She then tweeted the next day that she was happy that the patient died while she was off duty. And like in the case of the lazy nurse, twitter has cost many complaining employees their jobs.
Twitter allows everyone the outlet to have a public voice to share and with that power comes the abuse of power that will inevitably lead to trouble from the twittersphere.  I get it, we are all a twitter and want our voice to be heard. But think before you tweet or you could become a jailbird.

And for fun, this video from the hilarious SuperNews perfectly sums up twitter madness:

Friday, July 20, 2012

Yes Sir! I'll Call You Maybe Sir!

Because today we all need a laugh and to be reminded that there are many people out there who dedicate their lives to keeping us all safe. Whatever your political and personal stance on war, it's important to support and respect our troops. And I especially support this fantastic dance number filmed by US Marines in Afghanistan released by ABC News to the silly summer jam "Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepson.

From Bad to Worse

What happened at the midnight movie premiere of Batman in Aurora, Colorado is unthinkable and chilling. A lone gun man, dressed in body armor, opened fire with three weapons on the movie audience killing 12 and injuring 59. Incidents like this are terrifying because they make us all question our safety wherever we go.
And it is not something to make light of. As a nation, we should all respectfully mourn the lives lost and the ripple of suffering and fear a tragedy like this brings upon us.
With that said, how did the following tweet from online retailer CelebBoutique.com make it onto Twitter this morning?
Seriously?! How the hell did this tragic tweet happen? Was it just a completely vacuous employee responsible for social media marketing who was utterly oblivious to the headlines of the day? Or was it a misguided attempt at humor to make light of a truly horrible event? Either way, this tweet of crass commercialism attempting to capitalize on the trending of Aurora is appalling and I hope the person or people responsible for such a disrespectful act face consequences for their offensive actions.
If you must tweet-just send positive energy out to the world-especially on a day like today when it needs it.
I've said it before and I'll say it again. Twitter is a trouble causer.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Yay Gay! Boo Chick-Fil-A!

Be cocky and wear your uniform to pride! But stay out of Chick-Fil-A.

Well, it's a good day to be gay, unless you are craving some Chick-Fil-A.
The U.S. Department of Defense has authorized all service members to wear their uniforms during Pride parades-the San Diego one is this weekend. San Diego LGBT Pride Executive Director Dwayne Crenshaw issued a statement saying "Today is a great day of Pride! San Diego Pride is honored to have the privilege of celebrating our country and our servicemembers with dignity and respect. The fight for equality is not over and it is not easy, but this is a giant leap in the right direction.”
And he is right, the fight for equality continues to be a constant tug of war.
Another nugget in the news this week, the president of Chick-Fil-A, Dan Cathy, cracked the egg of knowledge on our heads that his company was "guilty as charged" in response to a question about whether it opposed the concept of same-sex marriage. The bible thumper also clucked about his poultry enterprise, "We are very much supportive of the family—the biblical definition of the family unit."
All fine, feathered friends will show their pride and eat less chickn'.

NYC Is On A Diet

Ok Bloomberg.....I supported your efforts to get New Yorkers to put down the Big Gulp and stop consuming too much soda, but I think now you are on a bit of a power trip with this new "Shop Healthy Program" calling for bodegas and supermarkets to reposition their food products so that healthy food options are placed in front of the store, and junk foods are removed from eye level. What's next Bloomberg? You going to banish the hot dog trucks? Stop the fleets of Mr. Softy from filling the summer evening air with their tantalizing tune? Decree that all restaurants serve vegetables to every patron with waiters that stand over you to make sure you eat all of your peas and carrots?
Obesity is a problem. And education and availability of healthy choices are the important solutions. But this policing is getting ridiculous. We are the land of the free. And you are the Mayor of a city that has many problems you may also want to put some of your energy into-like making sure garbage trucks don't hit cars, especially one carrying the precious cargo of Suri Cruise. And what about that Cowboys and Indian showdown in Times Square? Not to mention the general crime and grime plaguing the streets.
I think it's wonderful, Mr. Mayor, that you care so much about your city and it's people that you just want them to be healthy. But forcing a bodega in the Bronx to put fruit in front of the Funions just makes you a fascist food dictator.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

It's Not a Bad Apple-Just Crazy

This is the horrifying discovery of the day-Crazy Apples. Apples with an inside flavored like bubble gum, tropical blast, or pomegranate grape. They are 100% natural and have no added sugar. So what is going on here that makes these apples crazy? (Also Gnarles Barkley's "Crazy" should be playing in your head by now.)
I of course went right to the source to get to the bottom of this black magic that makes an already tasty fruit magically altered to taste even better. On visiting crazyapples.com I am sorry to report I still can't answer how they do it! And now I'm even more scared.
The website explains:
"We can't tell you exactly how we do it, but we can tell you that the magic doesn't compromise the Crazy Apple's wholesome start as a crisp, fresh apple." The apples are not "poked, prodded, pierced, punctured, or otherwise harmed." There are no added sugars, calories, or preservatives. They are not Genetically Modified Organisms. 
But the flavor's inside the apple! This defies all reason! And why so secretive Crazy Apples?
Apparently they are just grown on some mystical farm in Washington by the Willy Wonka of fruit Greg Berndt.
My current running theory on how they are made is pretty much a scene right out of Willy Wonka with oompa loompas or something of that like sprinkling the earth with magic flavored fairy dust from which these apple trees are grown. It's of course a vast field with unicorns running about under rainbows.
It feels so wrong eating it! It's like the forbidden fruit of Eden. I shouldn't be savoring a bubble gum apple but now that I know it exists I can't stop myself from enjoying it.
I will get to the bottom of this. Not knowing is making me a crazy apple.

It's Getting Hot in Here

It's hot. The kind of hot where you break a sweat just breathing and you stick to everything you sit on. But it's summer so that's to be expected right?
Well AccuWeather.com reports the summer of 2012 is in the running for one of the top three hottest summers in the past 60 years in the United States.
Global warming. Al Gore was right. Not about inventing the internet though.
But this heat wave across the country is out of control. Just look what it's done to Alaska! It's a "smokin' hot" 73 degrees! How will they survive that heat? I bet they are all sitting there sweating looking at Russia from their houses wondering if that would be a more tolerable climate to live in. Hang in there, Alaska.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Wild West Showdown in Times Square

The Naked Cowboy (nee Robert Burck) has been a staple nuisance and tourist attraction in NYC's Times Square everyday for years. But now he is outraged because there's a nekked newbie in town-Naked Indian (nee Adam David.)
Now I don't understand why all the sexy, costumed men just can't get along and pose for cheezey tourist pictures together. (Actually I don't understand why in this 100 degree heat we aren't just all naked.)
But Naked Cowboy complained to the New York Daily News that he's been in Times Square "365 days, every day, for 13 years" and Naked Indian has "only been here 16 days and missed two already.” So if you are so upset he's on your turf Cowboy, why are you complaining that the Indian isn't always there?
Basically, Naked Cowboy wants the Indian to either join his company Naked Cowboy Enterprises or face a lawsuit. He says "I don't lose, I always win."
Them are fightin'words. Looks like we are headed for a hot shirtless showdown in the city. Cue the tumbleweed.

Words with W From The Afterlife

He had power and fame but now it's all gone. Good thing he has that iPad.
Maybe it's because we have a tendency to romanticize days past. Just like we look back at those high school years fondly, but then quickly say how glad we are we don't have to do it all over again-that's how I found myself feeling while watching a recent Hoover Institute interview with Former President George W. Bush. For a quick second I longed for the days of Bushisms and Will Ferrell portrayals on SNL. Remember when a snack food almost took down the leader of the free world when he choked on a pretzel? Remember his "strategery?" What about his enlightening foreign policy that taught us that "more and more of our imports were coming from over seas?"
I'm not saying I'd want him back. "Fool me once and you can't get fooled again....." but it was fun for a bit to hear his southern drawl stammering out thoughts about the "afterlife"-that's what he calls life after Presidency.
He also says that the 8 years being in office was "awesome" because he had "fame and power." Brilliant, quotable reminiscing for the biographers Bush. But he says he's glad to be out of office now and out of the public eye because of "all the blogs nowadays" he "crawled out of the swamp." Yes, good choice. Bloggers like me are in fact out to get you and mock every malapropism you drop Georgie. So now he sees himself as out of the blogger-gater filled swamp and waiting for his "legacy to emerge." He explains that he is "fine, just fine" (said several times until the interviewer awkwardly says "you look fine") with the on-going criticism of his time in office because when history is written, he says with that trademark smirk, he "won't be around to read it." Perfect. Just fart and leave the room so the rest of us can suffer in wonder at the stench.
In hindsight, I think most of my nostalgia in watching this was really just for Will Ferrell on SNL. 
The interview goes on for an hour. He babbles and back pedals, and at one point even begins grandly referring to himself in the third person. It's all promoting a book on economic growth -- "The 4 Percent Solution: Unleashing the Economic Growth America Needs" put out by the George W. Bush Institute. He wrote the foreword in it. So in closing, he is asked what he is reading right now. He laughs with that shoulder action and says he doesn't have books just an iPad. Sounds about right. That 'GDubs' I've been playing Words With Friends with kept spelling words wrong.

Another Point for Hilary Clinton

Hilary Clinton is increasingly becoming a huge role model to me. Maybe she's an acquired taste-like port wine and stinky cheese.
This week, she taught everyone a lesson in diplomacy and class. I'm telling you-she just keeps getting cooler. And look at her voguing in Egypt in this AP photo-with her long, flowing blond hair, stylish, smart green coat, and sunglasses.
So the Secretary of State lands in Egypt only to be greeted by protesters mockingly chanting "Monica! Monica!" and throwing tomatoes at her. Instead of justifying the drama with a response, this class act went about her business showing tomatoes just stain and words will never hurt her. She then responded in a CNN interview saying that there is
"a lot of uncertainty and anxiety in Egypt right now. They’re doing something they’ve never done in 5,000-plus years of history. They’ve had elections, they’ve elected a president, but they still don’t have a government I knew very well there would be a lot of passion and conviction expressed, which I think demonstrates how invested Egyptians are in trying to make sure their democratic transition works out for the benefit of all the Egyptians — men and women, Muslim and Christian, everybody.”
That's right. Instead of firing back, or responding to the unpleasant past of her husband's philanderings, she managed to diffuse a tense situation and turn it all into a compliment for the people who were hurling tomatoes at her, citing their passion and progress!
Well played, Madame Clinton, well played.

The Plot Thickens

Yesterday in Manhattan a garbage truck hit Katie Holmes and Princess Suri's chauffered Mercedes. Apparently it was a minor accident and Katie and her daughter, who is reportedly enrolled in a Catholic school for the fall, were whisked away from the scene.
Conspiracy theory time! Was Tom and Scientology behind this threat? Or was it just an accident? Tune in next time to "My Life is a Lifetime Movie" to find out.......

Monday, July 16, 2012

Look Fair Maidens!

The world does seem to have a shortage of chivalry. Many men don't even open a door for me let alone pay on a date. But in Canada, one man has shined up his armor, jumped on his trusty steed, and set out in a trans-Canadian journey to bring the idea of chivalry back to the crude world.
Vincent Gabriel Kirouac aims to remind people of the "values of long ago such as devotion," he told the National Post. He says he will not fail to "be a knight and be good and be an example."
He is traveling about 2,400 miles from Quebec to British Columbia, seeking the kindness of people along the way to take him and his horse in for the night and feed them.
So basically, he is an unemployed dude, who has a horse instead of a car, and who is couch surfing and mooching off strangers as he travels about dressed in a fantasy role play costume? I'm smitten.
But, alas, Sir Mooch-A-Lot is engaged. The good ones are always taken. I'm sure this trend will catch on and we'll be seeing more and more knights in shining armor. Just be careful, all that glare from the shine can be blinding, you might step in horse poop.

Coffee? Tea? A Needle in Your Sandwich?

Oh boy! A hidden surprise in my sandwich! Thanks Delta!(And look-she's wearing Ralph Lauren's Team USA uniform)
The jokes about airline food being horrible are endless. But it's true. On a recent 17 hour flight from JFK to Hong Kong I was served a creamy taupe mush that was absolutely unidentifiable. But news that broke today about needles being found in six different turkey sandwiches on four different Delta flights is terrifying. And when it comes to flying, I don't need anything else to be terrified about.
The FBI has opened a criminal investigation and Delta said security for it's meal production has increased since the incidents yesterday. The mouth penetrating sandwiches had been prepared by a catering company in Amsterdam called Gate Gourmet.
Apparently though, if you travel coach, you would have been safe from being orally stabbed, as the sandwiches were all served in business class. In coach, you would still have had that mystery meat creamy taupe mush. But at least it would have been needle free.
How did this happen? I can't even take a nail filer or a bottle of water on a plane and someone managed to get needles in the food?
Well.....fly safe everyone and look out for pricks in your peanuts.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Political Animals

Mayor Stubbs having his daily afternoon cocktail to ease the stress of life in politics.
Alaska-the cold, distant state that unleashed Sarah Palin on us has a new face of politics that's making headlines. Stubbs, a 15 year old part-Manx cat, has been elected Mayor of the town of Talkeetna. The town of 900 didn't like the human mayoral candidates so Stubbs impressively clawed his way to power as a write-in vote reported USA Today.
The Mayor holds court in his "office" Nagley's General Store and enjoys catnip served in a wine glass every afternoon.
Wow, Alaska. You really know how to pick political leaders. 
I suppose in their defense it should be pointed out that Mayor Stubbs is not the only four legged furball politician around. Other recent political animals included Lucy Lou, a dog elected as a Kentucky town's mayor and Hank the Cat, who made big national mews when the fluffy Maine coon led a strong cat-paign to seriously get on the Senate ballot.

Is this where we are at politically as a nation? So apathetic to government that we'll elect pets?

Our furry friends are even playing a part in this year's presidential campaign. The much discussed "Mitt Romney dog incident" became a serious issue in character for Romney in the election. Basically a story broke about how in 1983, Romney and his family were on a family vacation and took their Irish Setter Seamus along. But Seamus rode on the roof of the station in a carrier-which many thought sounded cruel. As if that wasn't bad enough, poor Seamus got car sick and got diarrhea which oozed down the windows of the Mitt Mobile. Reportedly, Romney stopped at a gas station, cleaned up, and put Seamus back on top of the wagon. A Public Policy Polling urvey found that 74% of Democrats, 66% of Independents, and 63% of Republicans consider it inhumane to put a family dog in a kennel on the roof of a car. The poll also found that 35% of voters would be less likely to vote for Romney because of the Seamus incident. There's also www.DogsAgainstRomney.com.

So are pussies and pups the answer to politics? Well Sarah Palin's state says "you betcha!"

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Team US: A Fashion Don't Made in China

Made in China is the American way. Outsource for mass production and keep it cheap. Everything does it. I promise you, pick up anything around you and you'll see it was most likely made in China. In fact, on 4th of July I even noticed that many of the little flags people were drunkenly swaying have a little tag that ironically said "Made in China."
So why is everyone so hot and bothered that the US Olympic team uniform designed by Ralph Lauren are made in China?
The Washington Post quoted Democratic N.Y. Senator Kirsten Gillibrand's letter to US Olympic Committee officials saying “The pride of our Olympic athletics goes hand in hand with the pride of American innovation and manufacturing. We shouldn’t be going to the world stage with anything less. From head to toe, Team U.S.A. must be made in America."
I have to say, this does not seem unreasonable.

But my problem with these uniforms is not just in their foreign manufacturing, I'm concerned about the actual fashion. Is it me, or do these militant uniforms and their little berets look more like we are going to war than to an athletic event?

Actually let's not disrespect America more by comparing this to the Green Berets. I know exactly where I've seen this look before......it was last Halloween when I was internet shopping for that perfect slutty costume:
The sexy "Flight Attendant" costume from www.goodinthebox.com:
And take a look where that is made too! Coincidence.......I think not!

Friday, July 13, 2012

In Case You Haven't Had Enough

This husky-voiced liberal took control of the airwaves today on NPR's The Nose with Colin McEnroe and we discussed a lot of my rants and raves from this week's blogging including the hugger and the cuddler. So if you haven't heard enough, you can click below to listen to today's show.