In Which I Try to Come To Terms With Summer Expectations

It's that time of year again.
The time of year when annoying back to school ads take over-all the while reminding you that it has been a decade since you needed to purchase back to school supplies. Nights get darker and chillier and you begin to recall with disgust what it feels like to get out of work when it's already dark out. Yet your cheap flip flops are worn out and breaking, leaving you limping in one shoe down a dirty city street. And you actually feel like you just can't eat anymore Mister Softie.
Yes, the end of summer is coming. 
My favorite dive bar has already taken the summer beers off tap.
And as we face the mortality of our summer selves, there is a sense of panic and regret that you haven't lived these hot, sunny days to their fullest. Back in June, when the summer seemed endless and pregnant with possibilities, talk was cheap. But now, those summer bucket lists sit with far too few things checked off. And, if you are anything like the over-thinking and over-dramatic me, you begin to realize this all could be foreshadowing your youth and life in general, and how you may never accomplish anything on your life's bucket list. And then you panic. Then pour yourself a gin and tonic to try to cope. Then realize that maybe if you had spent less time sipping gin and tonics on your porch this summer, you could have gone out and done those things you wanted to do.....and oh god.....

This summer I ran in a 5K, went to the beach, had BBQs, lounged by the pool, got a sunburn, ate seafood in salty air, went to a carnival and ate fried dough, went to concerts, saw fireworks, ate strawberry everything and giant slices of watermelon, toasted s'mores over a fire, watched Sharknado 2.... I mean, really what more could you ask for our of your summer? 
And yet, as happens every summer, I keep feeling that there is so much more I wanted to do. I wanted to have a water gun fight, I wanted to go on a boat so I could hashtag #ImOnaBoat, I wanted to make all those crafts I pinned while enjoying boozey popsicles with fresh fruit in them, I wanted to go on a road trip in a convertible and discover places......
The problem is, summer, like the holiday season, often goes from being what should be a wonderful time to actually being stressful and frustrating because I enter both with these totally unrealistic expectations. And of course, as the turkey burns and the tree falls, and the expectations can't be met, I end up disappointed and cranky.
So my summer (yet again) did not find me doing everything on my bucket list or, say---making out in a waterfall

From the movie "A Walk on The Moon" about the life changing summer of '69

I didn't learn to surf, I went on no epic adventures, and there were no exciting shark sightings the two times I managed to get to the beach-though I did get and wear this amazing bathing suit:

But maybe that is ok. Maybe summer is just about those simple pleasures. Setting goals and having grand expectations is fine, but I'm thinking it's important to remember to just be happy with all the wonderful and simple things I did do. It's summertime after all. The living should be easy.
With that said though, before giving up and putting on a cozy sweatshirt to head inside to hibernate with Netflix, know summer is not over. There are a few weeks to squeeze every drop of juice out of those lemons of summer and make some lemonade. With vodka in it. Drink it all up.

So Campy

I never went to a "normal" sleep-in-a-cabin and learn to canoe kind of camp. I spent my summers from the age of 11 through high school attending prestigious ballet intensive camps where I passed the sunny days in a dance studio in a sweaty leotard watching girls not eat for six weeks.
If I had gone to a sleep away camp in the woods, all I could have hoped was that it would have resulted in my meeting my long lost twin sister and getting into all sorts of cabin hijinks.

And while I thought those chances for summer days of adventure had passed long ago, I realized recently that it is never too late. There are many opportunities I am seeing lately for adult camps. And I can't help but be tempted to sign myself up, pack my trunk, and go!
Here is a list of some camping experiences I am thinking I may just have to go to!

1. Adult Space Camp
You build and launch a rocket, go in a space simulator, all while wearing a space suit! I'm geeking out just thinking about it. (Cost $500-600)

2. Spend a Night in the Museum of Natural History in NYC
This is a first ever event this August. The night will begin with dinner, champagne, and jazz music and then will lead to free roaming of the museum's exhibit halls and a midnight showing of a space show before you fall asleep under the big blue whale. The perfect blend of science and swankiness. (Cost $325-375)

3. Camp in a Horror Movie
Head to the woods in CT in July to go all Blair Witch Project for this one night intense interactive camp experience that will put you in the middle of a live horror story where you could be "handcuffed, moved by force, restrained, gagged, blindfolded and subjected to simulated torture." I feel like this would be either very freeing to face these fears, or I'd end up in therapy. (Cost $120-140)

4. Trade in Your Legs for a Fin at Mermaid Camp
Probably the only good thing about being 30 is that you are old enough to go to this adult camp at WeekiWachee Park in Florida and train in water ballet to be a Siren of the Deep. A true dream come true for me to finally be part of this world. (Cost $425)

5. Keep it Classic at Camp Grounded
This 70's inspired digital detox camp in CA has all the classics including campfires with s'mores, archery, star gazing, capture the flag, candlemaking and crafts, woodworking, and even talent shows. Keeping it retro, but with gourmet food and coffee and yoga, mindfulness, and meditation. Only analog photography and postcards via mail are allowed. So as much as you'll want to instagram the keychain you made, it will have to wait until you come home from camp. The break from technology sounds both terrifying (especially if you are addicted like me) and amazing as it would be a true return to those simpler days. (Cost: $570)

6. Learn to Survive at Boulder Outdoor Survival School.
I am obsessed with Discovery's reality show Naked and Afraid.

I know I wouldn't last a second on that show, mostly because if I was on it, the big thing to fear would be me in a hunger rage. So maybe I'd like to spend 3-28 days at one of these camps in Utah that prepares you with major survivalist skills, you know....in case I am ever marooned on a desert island. (Cost: Varies)

 So as you can see, with adult camp choices like these, this summer is looking like it could be the best yet.

*Some additional considerations included:
Wine Camp in Virginia or Napa
Zombie Survival Camp in New Jersey
or be able to constantly casually bring up that "One time at bandcamp" by going to Adult Band Camp

It's Getting Hot in Here

I know this blog is about current events-well my opinion of current events. But the preoccupying event currently in my life is that it is hot and humid and my air conditioner broke.
I know there is so much strife and sadness in the world and complaining about not having air conditioning is the biggest "First World Problem" ever. I am mad at myself for even complaining. I feel like my younger cousin who one Christmas was talking in the same breath about how she wanted "to like go to Africa and help children" AND how she "like only got two pairs of Uggs for Christmas." Oh the humanity of not having Uggs in every shade to match your leggings.
But back to my complaint: this heat could make you go mad! I have jungle fever just sitting in my living room. For God's sake I watched reruns of America's Funniest Home Videos on television because it felt impossible to move through the oppressive heat to pick up the remote to the change the channel.

So here's how I'm coping.

1. I've stripped down to almost no clothing. Men, don't be turned on by this-it is so hot if you were to come near me with any intentions at all I would kick you in the face.

2. I've adopted the same position as my cat. Sprawled out and belly up on the floor. I'm staying low in general because we all know heat rises. I crawled to go to the kitchen and the bathroom.

3. I keep opening the freezer to get that nice breeze. Previously I haven't spent too much time with my head in there and have now discovered that somehow a bag of peas has burst and there are peas gone rogue partying everywhere. Also it's an ice cream pint graveyard. Apparently I'm a non-commital serial dater when it comes to ice cream. Well today those old flings are coming back so I can finish what I started. Nothing matters today. I'm easy. As long as you're cold, I want you inside me.

4. I've made a tropical cocktail and am allowing the maddening heat to let me believe the delusion that I am enjoying a luxurious stay in the Caribbean. I also found it helpful to dump the ice from the cocktail shaker on to me. It was discouraging though how quickly the ice melted upon hitting my body. This girl is on fiiiiiyaaarr. I now believe my body heat has gotten too high and that I may spontaneously combust right here on the couch and of course this leads me to google terrifying incidents of human spontaneous combustion.

5. Ugh just shoot me. Seriously. In order to cool down, especially now that I've gotten myself into a fire panic, I am sitting squirting myself with a water gun. This also led to the invention of a fun game where I point it at the tv and squirtsassinate cheezy commercial actors. I also step in and start helping Benson and Stabler take down those pedi perps with my perfect aim making Law and Order: SVU an awesome interactive experience. Yo, I got your back Ice-T......Oh no! Does this new found love of firing make me an NRA membership candidate?

6. The heat madness has led me to seriously consider going outside and stealing my neighbor's little pink kiddie pool and dragging it up into my living room so I can just sit in it. That would be a pretty picture. I can just see the headline: "A grown woman was found in her underwear in a kiddie pool in her living room. It appears she fell asleep in there and drowned in the three inches of water." It would all be very Valley of the Dolls.

Alright, so maybe I'm not coping great. I do prefer this sauna of hell to those chilling winter days where you can't leave your house. And in the scheme of things, if the biggest problem I have is sweating it out through a lazy summer evening, I think life is pretty good.
Stay cool everyone.

It's Getting Hot in Here

It's hot. The kind of hot where you break a sweat just breathing and you stick to everything you sit on. But it's summer so that's to be expected right?
Well AccuWeather.com reports the summer of 2012 is in the running for one of the top three hottest summers in the past 60 years in the United States.
Global warming. Al Gore was right. Not about inventing the internet though.
But this heat wave across the country is out of control. Just look what it's done to Alaska! It's a "smokin' hot" 73 degrees! How will they survive that heat? I bet they are all sitting there sweating looking at Russia from their houses wondering if that would be a more tolerable climate to live in. Hang in there, Alaska.