The Female Shark Who Ate A Male Shark Whole Is The Feminist Hero We Need

While we are in the dead of the winter and months away from the wonderful summer days of Shark Week, a video of a female shark eating a male shark from a Seoul aquarium has gone viral. And it is amazing. Mostly because this female shark is the feminist hero we've all been waiting for.
After being pestered by a male banded hound shark that kept bumping into her, this mighty female tiger shark retaliated in the most girl power way possible- by eating the annoying male.
Here's the video:

YAAASS shark girl! 

You show that guy that NO MEANS NO!

You warned that persistent Romeo that his unwanted attention and touching was harassment and you would take action. And you did. Fiercely. 

Now every time I am walking down the street and some clueless man cat calls at me that I'm "hot" or when some dude all of a sudden has more arms than an octopus and all of them are on me, I'll think of this bad ass shark chick, and visualize these harassers as my snack, with their toes hanging out of my mouth as I strut swim away. And I suggest you do the same.

Now, while it would be hard to justify this kind of vigilante behavior in the human fight against sexual harassment, it is really empowering to see a female come out on top of the food chain.

It's not easy being a woman. Women get paid less than men. For example, it leaked last week that Gillian Anderson was offered less money than her co-star David Duchovny for the X-Files return. And we know women's bodies aren't always their own. Most disturbingly this week in El Salvador, where the Zika virus is spreading, the government is telling women to not get pregnant so as to reduce the risk of more babies being born with the birth defect the virus causes. And while this seems like a good idea, contraception in this country is hard to come by and abortions are illegal. And when it comes to women in power, we see presidential candidate Hilary Clinton being told she is not "trustworthy," which at the root seems like a complaint dripping with sexism. 

With struggles like this, women need a hero to look to. An inspiration to remind us that we are strong and that we are bigger than whatever is bothering us. 

And I think this male eating shark is that hero.

Marvel Comics 

Now, I'm in no way suggesting you attempt to eat that man in your office whose un-welcomed flirting is even harder to cope with knowing the idiot also probably makes more money than you do. That would be a bad idea. And cannibalism. But I do think you can use Female Shark as your feminist spirit animal to rise above and in other ways destroy the limitations set on you. You don't have to take being touched when you don't want to be. You don't have to tolerate being told you run like a girl or that your choices for your body are a matter of politics. Female Shark wouldn't take crap like that. And neither should we. 

Ladies, let's live every week like it's lady shark week!

Live Like Shark Week

It's Shark Week! The week where sharks make Discovery Channel their bitch and I get seasick on my couch from watching far too many hours of bouncy, underwater footage.
So to live this week to its Shark Week fullest, I am proposing that we get some celebration inspiration from the guests of honor themselves. Make like a shark this week so that everyone around you feels constantly nervous. You'll really get the party started with this behavior.

1. If you see something, eat something. Sharks eat food when they find it, regardless of time or hunger.

2. Sharks never stop moving, so go ahead and constantly pace and move about-preferably in your about to attack zig zag pattern. This will go over great at work and especially well in small spaces like an elevator.

3. Sharks can travel hundreds of miles in a day so use the power of facebook to confuse your prey/friends by checking in at places all around the world regardless of the fact that you are on your couch. In Peru one hour, in Japan the next. That's power.

4. Wear a dorsal fin all week to let people know that when they see you coming, they should fear you.

5. Sharks don't have vocal cords so refuse to speak. Just stare people down with your cold, dark eyes.

6. It is a fact that you are actually more likely to get bit by a person than a shark. Don't be afraid to demonstrate this/prove its veracity.

7. A female shark can on occasion reproduce without any contact from a male. So ladies-tell your man to back off because it's Shark Week and you don't need him and then keep taking lots of pregnancy tests.

8. But ladies look out, shark mating rituals involve the male biting the females.

9. Sharks are the top of the food chain and help keep fish populations under control. So strut like you are the bad ass boss in control. This is how crowds will part on the sidewalk for you. Yeah, that's right. Step aside you peasants.

10. And if watching hours of Discovery Channel and shark movies has taught us anything, the best thing you can do to channel your inner sharkness and make the most of this week, is to just effortlessly not give a shit because you are a shark.

Baby There's a Shark on the Subway

Shark Week is taking over.

That's a dead shark on a Queens bound N train here in the city early this morning as reported on Huffington Post. The MTA confirmed the incident saying there was a "shark aboard the train in car #8994" and it was disposed of. The MTA spokesman, when asked about this bizarre occurance, said that this "looks like a really good promo for Shark Week on Discovery Channel."
There's no escaping Shark Week.

Put Your Jaws Up Little Monsters

Yesterday a man on Cape Cod was reportedly attacked by a great white shark. This is the 19th shark attack in the US this year. The attack sounds like something straight out of Jaws. The man was body boarding when the shark's dorsal fin emerged to the surface (cue the haunting theme music) as the shark allegedly headed right towards him biting both his legs.
This attack comes only a few weeks after a man kayaking in California had a great white bite into his kayak.
Terrifying. But I'm prepared. When I head to vacation on the Cape I'm sporting this awesome bathing suit. I think the sharks will appreciate it and therefore choose not to snack on my probably very yummy thighs.







Also all of this shark drama will undoubtedly boost ratings for the Discovery Channel's upcoming Shark Week.
And in case you are like me and just can't wait to stare at predatory sharks for hours in sick fascination you can watch this live SharkCam of the tank at the Georgia Aquarium from their website!


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