Wednesday, July 18, 2012

It's Not a Bad Apple-Just Crazy

This is the horrifying discovery of the day-Crazy Apples. Apples with an inside flavored like bubble gum, tropical blast, or pomegranate grape. They are 100% natural and have no added sugar. So what is going on here that makes these apples crazy? (Also Gnarles Barkley's "Crazy" should be playing in your head by now.)
I of course went right to the source to get to the bottom of this black magic that makes an already tasty fruit magically altered to taste even better. On visiting I am sorry to report I still can't answer how they do it! And now I'm even more scared.
The website explains:
"We can't tell you exactly how we do it, but we can tell you that the magic doesn't compromise the Crazy Apple's wholesome start as a crisp, fresh apple." The apples are not "poked, prodded, pierced, punctured, or otherwise harmed." There are no added sugars, calories, or preservatives. They are not Genetically Modified Organisms. 
But the flavor's inside the apple! This defies all reason! And why so secretive Crazy Apples?
Apparently they are just grown on some mystical farm in Washington by the Willy Wonka of fruit Greg Berndt.
My current running theory on how they are made is pretty much a scene right out of Willy Wonka with oompa loompas or something of that like sprinkling the earth with magic flavored fairy dust from which these apple trees are grown. It's of course a vast field with unicorns running about under rainbows.
It feels so wrong eating it! It's like the forbidden fruit of Eden. I shouldn't be savoring a bubble gum apple but now that I know it exists I can't stop myself from enjoying it.
I will get to the bottom of this. Not knowing is making me a crazy apple.

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