Wednesday, July 11, 2012
The Groundhog is an American-Hating Terrorist
A groundhog was caught on surveillance cameras stealing American flags from graves of Civil War soldiers at Cedar Park Cemetery in Hudson, NY on Independence Day.
They were actually relieved to find it was not a human offender because it seemed that over time, flags were mysteriously disappearing from graves of both Jewish and black soldiers. But clearly you can't blame the groundhog for this. Or can you?
I've long suspected this smug rodent who takes it upon himself to be the "Prognosticator of Prognosticators" telling us how much longer winter will last. He's not that smart. Don't be fooled by his semantics. Either winter will last for six more weeks, or there will be six more weeks until spring. It's the same thing you sneaky, anti-patriot.
And from now on, I will just use the defense the groundhog did it.