Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Sandy hits NYC-Who Ya Gonna Call?

I hope everyone in Sandy's path is safe now. Things got pretty crazy in NYC. And looking at all these images, I can't help but think I've seen this all before. Then I realized- this Halloween Frankenstorm seems to fittingly be eerily reminiscent of the movie Ghostbusters. See below.

This is the Ghostbuster's building exploding after that dick from the EPA who is aptly-named Pecker blows up their ghost containment unit.
This is a ConEd explosion in lower Manhattan yesterday during the storm.

This is the sky as the demons unleash on Manhattan in Ghostbusters.
This is equally foreboding sky last night in Manhattan during the storm.

Here is marshmallow goo gushing through the streets and covering cars in Ghostbusters.
Here is water gushing through the streets and covering cars in the financial district yesterday.

Pretty uncanny. Seriously. I half expect to open up my fridge and find Zuul.

So remember, if there's something strange in your neighborhood, who ya gonna call?

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

The Best Response to Ann Coulter's Tweet

Shame on you Ann Coulter.
Normally, I am successfully able to pretend she doesn't exist and all-together avoid hearing her conservative blabbing. But this can't be ignored.
During the debate, Ann Coulter tweeted this (and try to contain your shock that I am going to point out that this is yet another example of that twittersphere causing twouble with a "tragic tweet of hate")
That's right-she just called our President a "retard." Obviously offensive on so many levels and I don't even know how to respond to such a mean-spirited and hateful comment. But John Franklin Stephens, a 30 year old man and Special Olympic athlete with Down syndrom, did.
He wrote an eloquent, heart-felt letter to Ann Coulter that puts this bitch in her place.
He writes via a Special Olympics blog

Dear Ann Coulter,
Come on Ms. Coulter, you aren’t dumb and you aren’t shallow. So why are you continually using a word like the R-word as an insult?
I’m a 30 year old man with Down syndrome who has struggled with the public’s perception that an intellectual disability means that I am dumb and shallow. I am not either of those things, but I do process information more slowly than the rest of you. In fact it has taken me all day to figure out how to respond to your use of the R-word last night.

He then goes on to say

Well, Ms. Coulter, you, and society, need to learn that being compared to people like me should be considered a badge of honor.
No one overcomes more than we do and still loves life so much.
Come join us someday at Special Olympics. See if you can walk away with your heart unchanged.

And he signs it as "A friend you haven't made yet." Amazing.
It's moments like this that I am genuinely reminded how great the human spirit is. We should all work to see the world and love life as John Franklin Stephens does. We should all face adversity and hate with this kind of quiet strength and compassion that he shows through his words. We should all be careful about our words-on twitter and everyday. And Ann Coulter needs to go the corner and think about what she's done until she can use her words properly.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Hot or Not

In case your eyes haven't gotten frozen in an awkward place from all your political eye rolling in the past couple of weeks, UCLA released a study that makes us binders full of women even more objectified.
Their study concluded that women with more stereotypically feminine facial features (aka prettier) were more likely to be be politically conservative (aka Republican.) The study was conducted by surveying undergraduates, having them identify women's political affiliations based on their physical appearance-their literal facial features including shape of jaw line, arch in eye brow, and height of cheekbones.
Alright, several things fundamentally bother me about this study. Why should we even be wondering if Republicans or Democrats are hotter? Or what a Republican looks like? The superficial message this study is telling young women is disgusting. It's not about how you look, it's about what you believe and are passionate about that matter. Young girls and women already feel enough pressure to be pretty, and now this study can lead them to think that political beliefs just fit in as part of the package with the mold of how you look. You shouldn't think that to be considered pretty you are Republican. 
Second, think back to the last election where there were two women representing each party in the limelight. Republican Sarah Palin was getting all sorts of attention for being "hot." Yes, she is an attractive woman, but clearly she was not capable as a world leader. Meanwhile, Democrat Hilary Clinton, a highly educated and intelligent woman, was struggling to get the momentum she needed to get to a national platform, a problem many have often attributed to her "likeability." Beyond her beliefs or personality, was that also regarding her appearance? If this UCLA study is true, we could concur that her look hurt her. The fact that Hilary over the past couple of years has seemed to change-grown her hair out to a more feminine style, began to dress more sharply, all disturbingly imply that we, as a nation, do prefer our political women to be more feminine. Shouldn't Hilary's experience, beliefs, and knowledge be enough? Has she fallen into the trap of competing in a beauty contest as well-becoming a lipstick democrat? But if there are studies like this being done, it's no wonder why that is a pressure for her to feel. It shouldn't matter. A woman in a political position of power should not be the poster hung in a college dorm that boys jerk off to anyway, right? That's just disrespectful. And don't worry, I find it equally offensive when women talk about the "sexy" Paul Ryan muscles. I would have at least struggled less with this study if it had studied men as well. Do we think male Republicans are more attractive? If we are going to go there, let's play a game of marry, boff, kill with Clinton, Obama, and Romney. Come on ladies, that's a no brainer!
In an election where women's issues and choices really matter, this study seems to take us all back to a time where women had no rights but the right to look pretty. Corsets and petticoats have gone the way of horses and bayonets. So too should the idea that what women look like matters, let alone make their political beliefs predictable. Don't judge the book by it's cover. Seriously, just think, 50 Shades of Gray has a quite boring cover.

Monday, October 22, 2012

The Dream of the 90's

I've been thinking a lot lately about the dream of the 90's and why it seems to be considered the Camelot years for people in my age group. Maybe it is because we were young so already the world was less jaded and idealism seemed natural. Maybe it was because the economy was strong and Clinton was playing a sax and eating Big Macs. Maybe it was because it was a pre-9/11 world where there seemed less to fear. But for whatever reason, the 90's are being regarded as a great era. And I've noticed a lot of fashion trends from the 90's coming back-printed denim, platform shoes, plaid. I just wish I hadn't thrown away my sweet blue Doc Martins.

Now, during this rough election season, where idealism seems like it can no longer exist, hop aboard my magic time machine and revisit some of my favorite things of from a simpler time that will fill you with nostalgia, make you feel like the grunge-wearing giddy Clintonista you once were, and also probably make you feel old.
Stop! Hammer Time! Parachute pants for everyone!
Go paint your nails a shimmery pastel with Hard Candy nail polish and then sport the plastic matching ring. This way when you say "Talk to the hand" you look pretty too.

Tune into Bill Nye the Science Guy and forget that he is now at the center of major science and political discussions with his beliefs on evolution and his push to get money for the space program. Just sit back and watch in wonder as he dazzles you simply with quirky science.

Go dial up and check your AOL mail and send some flirty instant messages. Who needs twitter, texting, or facebook?

Before we were all looking for Osama Bin Laden, we were all spending obsessive amounts of time looking for this sassy lady in her red trench coat. And remember that awesome Rockapella theme song? Forget those kids on Glee-these guys rocked.
Make a mix tape! Record your favorites off the radio and spend hours with your dual tape deck creating the perfect mix to listen to in the car or on your Walkman. And of course don't discredit this as the perfect gift for that special someone. I still have all the awesome mixtapes made for me. I just wish I had my Boombox to play them on. Sometimes it's just a listen to Meredith Brooks' "Bitch" kind of day.

This is what used to come to mind as a binder. There was only one woman involved. Lisa Frank. Let's keep it that way.

Tune into TV like you mean it. Because there is no DVR or Netflix. Sure you can pop in a spare VHS and record it, but what are you going to talk about tomorrow if you missed what the gang was up to on Seinfeld. It's Must See TV! And there's no shame in being dateless on a Friday night. Luckily TGIF offered you Urkel and Dinosaurs to keep you laughing and part of a perfect wholesome family while you were alone the couch.

This is what a financial investment looks like. Owning these is as good as a 401K. This could be your education, your first home. Garcia Bear Beenie Baby has street cred. Get it straight. Enron went belly up because of Beenie Babies. Seriously they are what backs the American dollar instead of gold. These had to have been the root of the great economy. If Beenie Babies come back, so will a better economy. Simple.
This is your power couple. Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake. The Beckhams are a distant thing of the future. Kim and Kanye's matching outfits of today have nothing on these guys in their cool blue denim and denim looks. Their deep love can't possibly be a one hit wonder. 
You let everyone know you have a cool and classy pad by having this Big Mouth Billy Bass fish on your wall start singing Take Me to The River. It really gets the party started and your guests marvel at the life like technology.

As the President slams down his Big Mac, you feel no guilt wanting Taco Bell because of these amazing ads. Who cares that an obesity problem is looming, super size me! Bloomberg can't stop me.

Saturday, October 20, 2012

A Bearlebrity is Born on Twitter

This is Meatball aka Glen Bearian. He is a 400 pound black bear who has done something that I and many 110lb starlets can not do-make a name for himself in Tinsel Town. Though he did commit a felony to get attention-kind of like Lindsey Lohan.
After breaking and entering into a home, he was caught eating meatballs out of the freezer. He was then taken miles away, only to resurface on the exact same street days later again rummaging through trash. Aging Winnie the Pooh and Yogi Bear should feel threatened-this bear totally is snagging their stage and using that cute hungry bear shtick they totally did. 
But this attention-craving L.A. bear is a clever one and turned to twitter to save his hide. People have incredibly raised $90,000 to build this bear a habitat on an animal reserve. This is the first positive use I have seen out of the social media sight. Makes me hate twitter a little bit less to see it used for good and not evil.
Click here for the story from CBS news.
This face that launched a thousand tweets is the newest star in Hollywood.

Friday, October 19, 2012

October is About Scary Boobs

The month of October is known for two things. 1. It is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. And 2. It is Halloween. Both are important. Both feature breasts. And both can be scary.
So it stands to reason that we should just try to consolidate these two.
So for Breast Cancer Awareness Halloween I present these scary bras to show my support of the ta-tas. This will catch on. Trust me. So don't be caught with your shirt off and just a regular non-monster bra.
*Also consider getting involved in a Breast Cancer fundraiser and be aware of your own breast health! It is important!

That's the flatest pumpkin I've ever seen--but this is clearly the perfect way to show off your love of breasts and  Halloween--thanks to etsy.
Get groped with this Skeleton Bra from etsy.

All eyes on you with this Eye Bra from FullMoonDirect.com

Lure those monsters out from under your bed into your bed with this monsterpiece of lingerie from Framptastic. This also looks like it wears well under a t-shirt.
Na-Na-Na-Na-Na Bat Bra! from ThisNext.com

Nothing is sexier than looking like you were just shot through the heart-from etsy

Since Halloween is all about the candy anyway, why not just get this and have all the vampires get high blood sugar from nibbling on you.
The Addams Family's Cousin Itt is a perfect and alluring boudoir look for those cold October night's--also from etsy.

And because we already know Big Bird will be a popular costume this year-get this look from etsy

Thursday, October 18, 2012

"S" is not for Sexy on Sesame Street

Well thanks to Mittens-Big Bird is hot right now. But if you are thinking of trying to be a hot Big Bird for Halloween, think again.
The Sesame Street Workshop has decided that this Halloween is brought to you by a letter alright- a cease-and-desist letter to costume website Yandy.com for their obvious Big Bird knock-off "Exclusive Yellow dress with Stockings."
Now maybe I'm wrong-but this flapper-esque feathered look is more ridiculous than sexy. Yet the website (where the costume is still listed and available for purchase) describes the the look as
"The three-piece, sexy Big Bird Sesame Street costume includes a textured dress with pink, sheer waist sash, faux flower detail at shoulder, multi ruffle skirt, pink and red striped, stirrup knee highs with bow tops and Big Bird character headband. Learning the ABC’s has never been this sexy.”
I am confident that at Halloween parties this year Big Bird costumes will be as abundant as Sarah Palin costumes back in 2008. And since Halloween has become the time to unleash your inner skank, it should come as no shock that costume designers are working to slut it up. 
Now, if Sexy Big Bird is pulled off the market, don't panic. You can still turn beloved Sesame Street into a red-light district Halloween whore-show with one of these costumes which are sure to strip you of any muppet-loving innocence. Some of the ones below I find profoundly more disturbing than the Big Bird. Have the people at PBS seen these yet? I think more legal action is needed, because seeing these costumes out there will make for the scariest Halloween yet.

And the worst of all..............


Wednesday, October 17, 2012

A Political Work-Out

While everyone spends today fixated on Romney's binders of women, I'd like to back track a bit to discuss another interesting reach by the GOP: Paul Ryan, looking like a Jersey Shore douche, in a work-out photo spread in Time Magazine.

Take a good look ladies and gentleman, that baseball cap wearing dude could be our next in line to the Commander in Chief. He looks like that guy at the gym that you just want to avoid eye contact with. This is worse than when Sarah Palin wore her running shorts on the cover of Newsweek.
What are they trying to show us with images like these? That they are "fit" to run our country? That they are willing to go that extra mile? Do the heavy lifting?
I think it's more that we love to try to relate to our celebrities-just think of those sections in magazines where they show us celebrities "normalling" doing things like shopping at the grocery store, pumping gas, picking their nose. So Paul Ryan posed as a situation in his work-out gear seems a logical choice for candidate marketing. Especially in clinching that coveted vote of gym rats and Jersey girls. But this kind of image is not new. Remember this?
That's Clinton and Gore back in the glorious 90's in their sweaty booty shorts enjoying some post-run McDonald's. They were so cool.
But somehow, Ryan's photo in Time doesn't make me think he is cool or capable. I literally just want to take a shower because I feel slimy. He looks exactly like the kind of guy who has binders full of bitches. He and Romney are a perfect fit.

Binders Full of Women

That's the take away from last night's second Presidential debate. Romney, in a misguided attempt to prove that he supports women and values them, told an anecdote about putting together a cabinet in Massachusetts when he was governor. Apparently, after having all men apply, and knowing that wouldn't look good, he told us with great satisfaction that he pulled out binders full of women that were brought to him.
Here they are. Binders full of women.

What the hell was he thinking?
I do like to think that this reaction also happened.
Oh Romney......you are doing a wonderful job at making these debates more entertaining. First it was firing Big Bird, now these binders, I just can't wait to see what you drop next!

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Dating a Man with "Kids"

I've discussed before why in this scary world I am sometimes ok with being single. And here's yet more evidence for the case of society vs. me just being left alone cuddling with my cat.
Here's the scenario. You meet a guy. As always, he's seemingly normal upon first meeting. You go for dinner. He mentions his kids. You are a bit taken aback as dating a man with children can be complicated but he seems nice, he paid, and he didn't seem to judge you when you scarfed down all the bread from the bread basket. So then he suggests you go back to his place. You walk in and see this:
Well that's how things would go if you were the lucky lady who went out with Dan Knowlton-a man who has a collection of 600 Cabbage Patch Dolls that he has been collecting since the 80's. Not terrified yet? As reported in the Huffington Post, Knowlton said, ""My Cabbage Patch Kids are my children....they now take up most of my home." He spends HOURS each week changing them into new outfits from the many clothes (that he hand makes for them) and also cleaning the beds, chairs, and shelves where they live. What kind of real job does he have I wonder? That caring for the kids all sounds quite time consuming. Maybe he puts some of those kids to work as scarecrows.
So......the next time a man mentions he has kids, I will immediately picture an apartment scene similar to this and want to quickly escape. I am also not convinced that buried beneath all those dolls is this man's mother stuffed Norman Bates-style and also wearing some hand stitched outfit.
And in case you are not scarred enough from learning about this man or your fond childhood memories of these dolls was not ruined enough, check out the many Urban Dictionary meanings for Cabbage Patch.  "Dude, I love her cabbage patch snatch. It really turns me on." Gross.

Monday, October 8, 2012

Scaring Up A Job

Throughout this election, and especially in last week's debate, we keep hearing about how bad the economy is and how there are no jobs. And it's very true. But it is not just a problem for us here in the States, it's a world wide problem. And nothing shows how bad times are more than the fact that a recent college grad in England is forced to take a job as a scarecrow as reported by the BBC. Yes, the kind of scarecrow that sits on a farm chasing birds away from the crops. That's an entry level job nowadays for college grads. That used to be a job for a lifeless straw-stuffed dummy with a stick up it's butt. Be afraid. You now have to have been to the wizard and have a brain to do that job.
Jamie Fox is a 22 year old young man who graduated last spring from Bangor University with a degree in Music and English. (That was his first mistake.) He is now employed as a scarecrow by farmer William Youngs in Norfolk. He wears a bright orange rain slicker and scares the birds with his accordion playing. In moments of quiet he takes in the fresh air and reads. He is getting paid about $400 a week. Doesn't sound too bad actually. I wonder if the job of being a scarecrow comes with health benefits? You know in case you were to contract bird flu?
This has me thinking of some of the ridiculous jobs I, a degree holding woman several years out of college, have done along the way that have paid way less than the scarecrow job including: dog sitting, playing Wii with senior citizens, distributing beer samples dressed as a fraulein....not to mention it's not any great professional accomplishment that I essentially touch my toes for a living (in between performing/filming gigs) teaching fitness and dance classes and sometimes I don't even make as much as this scarecrow position. Now granted, I hold a degree in Drama and Art History. Why did my parents let me do that? But I'm beginning to feel that maybe I should rethink my career path. As far as dignity? Ha! I gave up on that when I shot this in an ad:
So if you know of any openings for a scarecrow in the New York/tri-state area, I hold a BA and thanks to yeas of dance training, I am comfortable jumping around scaring those birds. I can't play the accordion, but playing Wii with those senior citizens I got really good on Guitar Hero. Additionally, I can loudly deliver at least four Shakespearean monologues on command, and I know that they must be off-putting because I have not been cast once from delivering any of them. But most importantly, I do have a lot of experience getting rid of birds as I spent many obsessive hours beating Angry Birds.