Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Dating a Man with "Kids"

I've discussed before why in this scary world I am sometimes ok with being single. And here's yet more evidence for the case of society vs. me just being left alone cuddling with my cat.
Here's the scenario. You meet a guy. As always, he's seemingly normal upon first meeting. You go for dinner. He mentions his kids. You are a bit taken aback as dating a man with children can be complicated but he seems nice, he paid, and he didn't seem to judge you when you scarfed down all the bread from the bread basket. So then he suggests you go back to his place. You walk in and see this:
Well that's how things would go if you were the lucky lady who went out with Dan Knowlton-a man who has a collection of 600 Cabbage Patch Dolls that he has been collecting since the 80's. Not terrified yet? As reported in the Huffington Post, Knowlton said, ""My Cabbage Patch Kids are my children....they now take up most of my home." He spends HOURS each week changing them into new outfits from the many clothes (that he hand makes for them) and also cleaning the beds, chairs, and shelves where they live. What kind of real job does he have I wonder? That caring for the kids all sounds quite time consuming. Maybe he puts some of those kids to work as scarecrows.
So......the next time a man mentions he has kids, I will immediately picture an apartment scene similar to this and want to quickly escape. I am also not convinced that buried beneath all those dolls is this man's mother stuffed Norman Bates-style and also wearing some hand stitched outfit.
And in case you are not scarred enough from learning about this man or your fond childhood memories of these dolls was not ruined enough, check out the many Urban Dictionary meanings for Cabbage Patch.  "Dude, I love her cabbage patch snatch. It really turns me on." Gross.

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