Friday, September 21, 2012

Caveat for Cheap Wine Induced Hot Mess Friday

It's Friday so time to cut loose and party! But don't end up like this hot mess.
Alison Whelan is now serving jail time from her weekend of fun last September. This fun-loving gal was on a two day bender drinking Lambrini (a cheap fruity sparkling wine marketed to ladies) and eating the hallucinogenic plant nightshade. Obviously that led her to somehow decide she was a pirate and she commandeered a river ferry from the Paignton Pleasure Cruise line on the River Dart in Devon, England to take sail on her way to Saint Tropez. She could be heard shouting into the night "I'm Jack Sparrow!" -- referring to the sexy Johnny Depp character from the Pirates of the Caribbean movies.
Whelan claims she "tripped" over the ropes loosening the boat from it's dock hitches which caused her to go for an out of control bumper boat cruise through the area filled with other docked boats until her claimed vessel drifted to a stop about a mile upstream. In addition to declaring herself Jack Sparrow, she also taunted the police pursuing her with a mad rant shouting "I believe this is out of your jurisdiction!"
This is all true.
So drink up me hearties yo ho but remember, if you see a boat, you are not a pirate just because you are wearing a hat, a lot of eyeliner, and speaking with a British accent. But like Jack Sparrow, Alison Whelan may be the worst pirate you have ever heard of, but you have heard of her.

BONUS! In case you need a song to drink your sparkling pear wine to as you plot which pretty boat you will be setting off for the horizon in to search for more nightshade you can thank me for introducing you to this catchy, little shanty.

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