Monday, September 24, 2012

The Great Bacon Shortage of 2013

A press release from the U.K.'s National Pig Association is warning that "a world shortage of pork and bacon next year is now unavoidable." Currently, Great Britain has rising pork costs and a bacon shortage with farmers cutting back on herd sizes. Apparently, "pig farmers have been plunged into loss by high pig-feed costs, caused by the global failure of maize and soya harvests. All main European pig-producing countries report shrinking sow herds." They say droughts may also be to blame.
Well, I think the increased used of bacon is to blame. Bacon is everywhere. It's inexplicably trendy-like moustaches. Maybe, we should stop being pigs and stop wearing bacon and eating bacon sundaes and drinking bacon beer....and having moustaches. Just saying. October is vegetarian awareness month. Maybe at least cut back on this salty cured meat for the pig's sake.
Here are some bacon things I think we can blame for this impending bacon shortage:
British Artist/Photographer Carl Warner makes these landscapes out of bacon. Why?

Bacon Beer-it also has maple doughnuts in it. Homer Simpson would give up Duff for this.


It suggests on the package adding more bacon to the cake as a topping.
I just threw up a little in my mouth.

Burger King's Bacon Sundae. Because you haven't had enough after eating your bacon double cheese burger?

And of course Lady Gaga's bacon/meat dress abomination.
Yep, as with many problems, I feel we are clearly to blame for this. Let's give pigs a chance here people! Can't kale be cool? I think a kale dress would be tres chic.

Might I suggest some pro-pig propaganda literature.

Now I realize, some of you have great love for bacon. Like apparently Nick Offerman aka Mr. Karen Walker aka Ron Swanson from Parks and Rec. And I am only posting his Slam Poetry ode to bacon because it is part of College Humor's Malarious Initiative, which aims to raise malaria awareness and funds to treat children infected with the disease. It's not to feed into your bacon obsession. Oh, and look, he has a moustache.

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