Thursday, February 7, 2013

Barbie Puts Dream House On The Market

The Fiscal Cliff, global economic crisis, the bad housing market-this all meant nothing to me until today. Things are serious. Barbie is selling her dream house.
Her pink Malibu home is listed on the luxe real estate site for $25 million dollars.
The Listing Details describe this "pinktastic" 8,500 sq foot "ultimate bachelorette compound" as featuring an "elevator equipped with a state-of-the-art pulley system" and having a "pink Poliform kitchen" with "chef-worthy appliances as well as doll-licious plastic food that never spoils." It also describes the obvious ample closet space for shoes and clothes and the sparkles and chandeliers. But I think really the biggest selling point is the ocean view-a "truly unobstructed view of the ocean (after all, it only has three walls.)"
But why is poor Barbie selling? I imagine after years of extravagant living, she is feeling the reality of the nation's economic hardships. With all her various career pursuits, she undoubtedly has thousands upon thousands of dollars in student loans. I'm sure as times got tough, she turned to ebay to attempt to auction off some of her clothes and shoes. Maybe she even downsized to a less flashy car. But now she is selling her dream house? For some reason this fills me with the same sadness that you feel when you realize you are going to have to give up on your childhood dreams of marrying a prince, becoming a starship captain, and having a stable of unicorns. And while I gave up all of that to be a curmudgeon adult and focus on the one pipe dream of performing for a living, Barbie was the smiling symbol of the live the life you imagine mantra. But now she's being forced to sell out and sell that pink, plastic dream. I just refuse to think she is selling her dream house to join the Millennial ranks with me, becoming a scarcely employed apartment dwelling renter with limited closet space and a budget that allows only for shopping sprees in Marshall's clearance section. I find myself hoping she is selling this bachelorette pad, not out of financial hardship, but because she's finally committing to Ken and is looking for more of a family house, making Barbie just another beeyatch to make bride before me. And Barbie's sparkly dream wedding will surely make that Royal Wedding look like a hillbilly ho-down in a Walmart parking lot.

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