Friday, February 15, 2013
In Which I Prove Valentine's Day is as Bad as a Lifetime Movie
So yesterday was Valentine's Day. The most contrived and nauseating of all holidays. And now, thanks to the modern marvels of social media, I was forced to be informed about every bouquet of flowers, every teddy bear, and all five of the Valentine engagements among friends and acquaintances.
But the day wasn't all roses and bright balloons floating high on sugar and love if you were reading the news. In fact, the news helped prove that this day, or more importantly, love in general isn't always so sweet. If anything, it all seems more like a Lifetime movie, you get sucked into it by accident, it's poorly executed, and has an unbelievable and contrived plot. To further support my theory-just wait and you'll see yesterday's Valentine's Day headlines will be Lifetime movie plots within the year.
Here they are-your headlines of love gone wrong, filled with drama, murder, intrigue, and the potential for starring role appearances by actors you thought you'd never hear from again.
Olympic and Paralympic bionic man track star Oscar Pistorius was charged with murder after his model girlfriend was shot and killed at his home in South Africa early Valentine's morning. Another hero falls. This Lifetime movie will be titled "Running Into A Wall" with the tagline "How rage ruined it all for a hero athlete."
Meanwhile, in Argentina, we have a 23 year old women, Edith Casas, who yesterday had a Valentine's Day wedding to Victor Cingolani, a man convicted and serving jail time for killing her twin sister Johana more than two years ago. This Lifetime movie (if this outrageous story hasn't already been one) would simply be called "My Sister's Killer."
And finally, we have the on-going drama of what happened to Sarai Sierra, a mom from Staten Island who took off on a mysterious photography trip to Turkey and ended up murdered, her body discovered among the ancient city walls. Valentine's Day was the day her husband proposed to her, and now, as her wake is being held, he is facing the mysteries of whether or not she had an affair with a Turkish man in a bar bathroom, who this homeless man Z is that may be involved in her death, and what she was really doing and involved with overseas. This Lifetime movie will be called "Picture Perfect," and they will obviously play up that she was a perfect housewife with a secret life as a spy posing as a novice photographer.