Monday, January 7, 2013

The Internet Lures Us Into More Kitty Porn

Several years back, I was working at a children's day camp as the dance teacher. During one of my breaks in the day, I had headed into the air conditioned camp office to play on the computer. Obviously I found myself looking at cats. The Camp Director came in and asked me what I was looking at to which I replied "kitty porn." This inevitably led to a momentarily awkward but later comical misunderstanding that I had said "kiddie porn." For a second I was so fired and was getting the same look of rage filled disgust from my boss that Stabler on SVU gives to those porn-obsessed creeps he busts.
Now, I know, I'm not alone in this guilty indulgence, "kitty porn" is probably the second highest use of the internet other than actual porn. I'm sure there's an entirely scientific graph that proves that most people use the internet solely for porn, cats, and facebook. Wikipedia maybe would come in a close fourth.
And the internet knows this-as it is most likely self-aware and out to cause our ruin. It has birthed a new pod from its web of time-wasting entrapment-the site catmoji. Catmoji is like the ultimate time-waster website pinterest, but instead of wasting your time seeing photos of crafts, foods, clothes, ombre hair, and cheezy inspirational quotes sprawled against an instagram photo, it gets right to the point and has solely images of cats. Lots of cats. And they are sorted by emotions like sad, surprised, happy, cute-which is obviously an emotion to our furry friends. It is truly a catalog of kitty porn. While this website also feeds that increasingly annoying "nom nom" and "I haz cheezeburger" quotas, there are enough undeniably cute pictures and video clips of cats to waste your day away. And with each passing hour you creep closer and closer to becoming that unmarried, wiry-haired, housecoat-wearing crazy cat lady.
This little guy got on the wrong end of excitement over the web's newest kitty porn site.

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