Monday, January 21, 2013

Cuddle Couture: Don't Fight It

It's cold. And it's only going to get worse. My cell phone's weather app shows an icon of a cracked iced-over, plummeting blue thermometer for the next two days. Just seeing that sends me into a dark place of Seasonal Affective Disorder depression. How can I be expected to be productive and leave my warm couch for the bitter bitch slap of the chilly world? I just can't. I just want to be cuddled up in hibernation until May.

So I broke out my snuggie. It's very stylish and leopard print. And I love to accessorize it with my favorite kind of wine-large. But just as I was about to put my arms through those forgiving bell sleeves that allow me to stay warm while doing the important things, like sipping wine and using the remote, I realized, this snuggie is so last season! How embarrassing. And that of course led me on a quest through the interwebs to find the newest innovations and styles in couch cuddling fashions. Because obviously you don't want to be caught watching marathons of Law and Order: SVU and Monk reruns wearing last season's Snuggie.
So I present to you Hibernation Fashion Week for Winter 2013.

First down the runway is the line of the classic Snuggie re-envisioned to express your personality with fun characters such as super heroes. You can indulge your inner child while curling up on the couch. It's perfect for hiding your winter weight gain behind the chiseled muscles and perfect curves of Wonder Woman.

 Available in many characters including Superman, Batman, Rainbow Brite, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and of course Cookie Monster.....which is perfect for binge eating in.

Next, we have another whimsical choice in couch wear that, while keeping the design of the classic Snuggie, makes the brilliant decision of adding a hood, because as you know, heat escapes through your head. So why not unleash your inner tiger blood and slip into this and pull up the hood. So sexy. Every man loves a tiger in the bedroom.

Now, just as frustrating as being wrapped in a blanket and not being able to use your arms is, I find it more frustrating to be dealing with cold feet. Sure that snuggie keeps you all warm and you can walk around in it, but those chilly little piggies are never covered. So the newest invention of the Nuddle has that covered. It's a wrap blanket that has pockets for your feet. That's right, just like this picture from their website shows, who cares that you got all dressed up, kick off your red heels and forget going out, just sit yourself down and tuck your feet into your Nuddle. Your social life can wait until the summer.

And of course this leads us to possibly the best solution to keeping yourself single and all toasty and wrapped up in fleece-the Forever Lazy. It's got it all: sleeves, a hood, a trap door for when nature calls. Perfect. Really whether you are a shut in or even if you do need to leave your house this winter, you should probably just wear this. At all times. And don't worry about those cold feet-this comes with matching booties. And it comes in great, flattering colors-like hot pink.
With the season's cuddle fashion choices like this, the frigid temperatures, the shortened hours of daylight, and so much to discover on Netflix--why leave the house? In fact, the thought of leaving the house makes me think of that commercial for the anti-depression medication where the woman is being stalked by her aggressive cuddle wear who just wants her to slip inside him and never leave. That's all my Snuggie wants too, and maybe it's Stockholm syndrome, but I think it's for the best. Don't fight it.

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