Sunday, July 27, 2014

May the Force Be With You

We live in crazy, amazing times. We have pocket gadgets that immediately give us more information than we ever really need. We can contact people at any time, anywhere. We can control things in our house, like lamps, with these gadgets. This is craziness. And it keeps getting better.
Now that gadget can control you.

This is the Pavlok wrist band. It "turns your resolutions to reality." You program your goals into the linked app on your smart phone and decide what happens if you don't achieve them. You could charge yourself a fine OR you can use the Force and have it give you an electric shock.

While administering shock therapy to yourself seems a bit extreme, I actually think I could use one of these to really get my life on track. We claim jolts are humane and effective when we use the tactic with dogs.
So here's what I'll be setting my Pavlok to shock me for.

1. Laziness

 2. Failure to be an adult who does laundry. Seriously it is not ok to be wearing a bathing suit as underwear.

3. Procrastination in general deserves punishment.
4. As does spending hours on the internet doing anything like the following: Pinterest pinning braids and fancy dinners I'll never make, WebMD researching rashes, stalking my ex-boyfriend from college and any of the girls he's dated since, and looking up toys I had as a child on ebay to see how rich I'd be if I had never taken She-Ra out of her package.

5. Staying up all night to marathon shows on Netflix.

6. Sleeping late from pressing snooze like 4 times until I finally, using the always misleading morning logic, re-set my alarm for a time that makes it impossible to get where I have to be on time unless I really do just show up in pajamas.

7. Binge eating.

8. Binge drinking.

9. Not working out.

10. Making and keeping regular dentist appointments. Because as not awesome as the experience there is, future me really won't want the ramifications of blowing those off.

11. Straying from the shopping list in the grocery store.

So pretty much next year when this torture device is released, everything will change. I will have it so together. I will be on a path like a Jedi. Even if I'm pretty much constantly walking around like this:

May the force be with you.

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