Friday, January 10, 2014


While we are all being distracted by the polar vortex and Chris Christie's Bridgegate, we are being blindsided by an unthinkable and tragic crisis at the start of the year. There is a Velveeta Cheese shortage. Oh the humanity! We greedy, fatty-food loving Americans have really done it now.
That's right, we are in a Cheesepocolypse because, according to, people are buying more of the orange, gooey Kraft product as it is football season--and everyone knows nothing goes better with touchdowns than Velveeta cheese spread over your chips and chili.
A Kraft spokesperson explained vaguely that additional to the product's rise in popularity, there have been some minor "manufacturing challenges" for this liquid gold that should only last a couple of weeks. But during that time, it may be hard to find Velveeta stacked on your supermarket shelves.
This is madness. Will there be a black market for cheese? Does this affect Kraft's Mac and Cheese too? What will I eat for lunch? What if other cheeses start getting bought up and there is an all around cheese shortage? What will I do at night without my night cheese?
These are truly unsettling times.

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