Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Selfie Cat Selfie Cat It's Not Your Fault

Cats. They are everywhere. I love cats. I have a cat. And I think she is pretty awesome and find myself talking to and about her more often than I feel okay admitting. But I'm not a crazy cat lady. The internet is a crazy cat lady. There was a time not too long ago where if you were out in public and you busted out photos of your cat to show to people you were considered to be quite weird and sad. But no, meow the hashtag #catsofinstagram rules and anyone who doesn't have a filtered furry feline drools.
There are cat politicians, cat videos, cat blogs, sad cats, existential cats, cat instagram accounts, cat facebook pages, catlebrity wannabes looking for interns to manage their social media, cat tweets, cat much stuff to keep up with you'll need to take a cat nap. And this coming from someone who loves the occasional indulgence in kitty porn. Why is the internet so filled with cats? How did they beat out dogs as the social media sweethearts? Is it because dog people actually go outside?
But lets set this tail straight-behind every great cat, there's obviously just a human who seeks greatness. Cat stage moms and dads are absolutely the worst. When will TLC get on this and start a reality show about them. These people will make the horrifying parents on Toddlers and Tiaras look positively normal and sane. (In fact, other than a few Animal Planet shows-including the one with that strange man strumming his guitar all over the country and caterwauling about his love for felines-TV has yet to jump on the cat bandwagon and create programming for this demographic. Odd. Despite this rant, I would definitely watch more cat reality tv.)
Anyway, just like the deluded parents on Toddlers and Tiaras who believe that young flipper-wearing Mimosa was born to do pageants and chose to do them and a cage dance talent routine herself, cat parents undoubtedly argue the same thing-that their precious tabby is not just craving tuna, but has loftier life goals including internet fame. But really, what are you seeking posting videos of your cat? Do you really think your cat, who most spends 90% of their day sleeping in hiding under your bed only creeping out to eat and poo, is looking for the world's attention?
Well, apparently, you do. Because there are now apps that allow your cat to become a Kitty Kardashian fame whore all on their own. That's right, there are apps that make it as easy as a paw swipe for your cat to take a selfie. Of course you will have to filter it and post it. And seriously these cats are so demanding and needy you know they'll meow constantly til you do post it.
When you get the app, like Catsnap or Cat Selfie, you open it, place your phone or tablet on the ground and the screen will show a virtual bounding laser or ball that the cat will chase, and as they do so, their paw's movement will activate a shutter and snap their pic.

Ugh. Maybe this will finally help teach everyone that selfies are in fact NEVER flattering. See how it even makes these cute kitties look annoying and dumb.
So be on the lookout now for even more cat pics. Obnoxious selfie ones. Yep, cats doing duckface.

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