Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Happy Cheeze Day!

A totally legit holiday.
Because we all love cheese. It is the bond that binds us all. Like the gooey warm cheese holding together two pieces of bread.

But as much as cheese has the power to unite us, it can also tear us apart. There are few betrayals worse than someone eating your cheese.

Things get real. Fast.
Remember that woman who tried to poison her family because they ate her cheese? A part of me sympathized with her crazy in a way I've never understood crazy before.

Don't act like you don't get it. The Huffington Post reported today in honor of National Cheese Lover's Day that The American Cheese Society says that "in any given twelve-week period, approximately one-third of the population of the United States will eat macaroni and cheese at least once." Those are a lot of numbers and math to say that right now, you are probably reading this while eating some Mac & Cheese. Probably Kraft. Shaped like Sponge Bob. And you're 30. But feel no shame.

There is just no such thing as too much cheese.

In these destitute, dreary months of winter, as I hibernate and fantasize vacations, my couch naps bring dreams of escapes that not just involve the yellow glow of sunshine, but the yellow glow of cheese.

And even if I can't afford to escape the cold and take off on a quest for exotic cheese, we all know how luxurious the simple indulgence of snuggling up with night cheese is.

Cheese is great in all it's forms. From the highest end, fancy cheese where one tiny triangle costs as much as all the other groceries you are buying that day, to that suspiciously bright orange "cheese" powder that covers the balls that come in a giant plastic jar that after a long day you just want to go home and have your way with.

Cheese just makes you happy. Why do you think that when people go to take a picture they say "cheese?"

Sure it physically forces your mouth smile to say cheese, but really it makes your soul smile too. We don't say "peas." Nope. Those little green buggers that always manage to go rogue and infiltrate your freezer would not lead you smize with flair.

And while we are on the topic of smiling, it is worth adding the fun fact that some cheeses, like like mozzarella, cheddar, Swiss and American, help prevent tooth decay and protect tooth enamel because they promote the flow of saliva leading to elimination of sugar and acids from the mouth. This means less trauma at the dentist. Cheese just keeps being awesome.

Just start brushing with Cheeze Whiz.

Archaeological studies say cheese has been around since 6000 BC. And last year, a Chinese mummy was found to have been buried with its precious cheese. Makes perfect sense. I don't even want to think about an eternity that does not include cheese.

 Now, sure, when I encounter cheese in public it can get embarrassing.

Especially since my cheese consumption is most likely escalating in direct correlation with my wine consumption....

But on this one special holiday, that kind of behavior is ok!
Today is my Thanksgiving! I shall eat all the cheeses! And so should you!

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