Tuesday, May 13, 2014

"What Could Go Wrong?" She Said With A Smile.

I have come to the conclusion that the internet is that bitchy friend that tells you how awesome you look and that you should totally go up to that guy at the bar even though she knows you have lipstick on your teeth, toilet paper hanging on you shoes, and that the guy is in fact there with his boyfriend. She sets you up to laugh at your failure. #nailedit

Here I have compiled a group of "suggestions," "crafts," and "easy DIYs" that prove my point that the internet, especially pinterest, is just mocking us.

1. Nails. These look totally easy to do. No problem whatsoever.
2. Hair. Oh, just an easy updo that you can do to yourself before work in the morning.
3. Baking. Do you know how many steps go into making this masterpiece? You'd spend less time driving to another state to buy a cake.
4. Beer Cap Candles. But why? Also, enjoy burning yourself and getting hot wax everywhere making these little buggers that will only burn for about 2 minutes of crafty glory.
5. Chocolate bowls. I question the sanity of anyone who even attempts these.
6. Ok, this one I actually would make.
 7. Tin Can Light. The perfect Sunday afternoon hangover activity involving hammering and patience.
8. Make your own paper. Nothing says unemployment/too much time on your hands like putting your resume on homemade paper. Wow. You made your own lavender infused paper and it only cost you $50 a sheet and a couple of hours of slave labor? Now I feel like such a failure because I went to Staples and bought a 50 pack for seven dollars. Said no one ever.
9. Matchstick Art. Making this would be my own personal version of hell. 
10. Wine Cork chair. Start drinking up. You can rest on this while waiting for your new liver. Really this the holy grail of crafting. Especially if it is placed next to your faux table shelf with your DIY mason jar lamp complete with duct tape shade.

See what I mean? The internet is a mean girl, not only luring us into wasting time with its pretty pictures, it also is luring us into wasting time trying to (poorly) recreate them which will inevitably lead to us feeling like bigger failures at life. Why? 

I need a drink. And then I'm going to cope with this all by covering something in glitter and putting a mustache or a bird on it. Ooh maybe a bird with a mustache..........

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