Saturday, May 17, 2014

Living Life Like It Is In The Movies

By now I'm sure you have heard about Charity Stevens/Johnson who is a 30 something year old woman who posed as 15 year old to enroll at a high school in Texas as a sophmore.
This is obviously ripped straight from the 90's Drew Barrymore flick "Never Been Kissed."
I was in high school when this movie, with its seemingly ridiculous plot, was released and I remember thinking, "Why the hell would anyone willingly go to high school....especially for a second time?"
Why go back to high school? To get better grades to get college redo too? Be popular? Be the kid who supplies the booze for all the parties? Why?
While the true reasoning behind Charity's stunt is unclear, it is insane that for nearly an entire academic year she managed to pull off this scam. Apparently she had friends, a boyfriend (who was 23 and she told she was 18), did her homework and got good grades, and lived with a "legal guardian" who is, in fact, younger than she is. Craziness. Oh, and she had time, while keeping her ship of lies afloat, to do sparkly manicures for instagram.

The clear correlation between this woman's story and the film "Never Been Kissed" all has me thinking.....what ridiculous movie plots should I steal to imitate to live out the dream of a Rom Com in real life?

While You Were Sleeping
Be obsessed with a guy I see in passing everyday and when an accident puts him in a coma, take advantage of that tragedy to move in as his girlfriend while he can't say no. What could go wrong?

Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion
Go to my high school reunion looking like Sarah Palin and proudly tell everyone I invented hashtag. It will be amazing. I will also be sure to include the interpretive dance number.

My Best Friend's Wedding
Go bat shit crazy over my ex-boyfriend/guy I always thought I could marry if I didn't find anyone else getting married to a perfect, perky blond and work non-stop like an evil villain day and night to sabotage the wedding only to end up dancing at that wedding in the ugly bridesmaid dress with my gay friend.
Umm, yikes.....I am sorry to admit that I actually think I have come strangely close to living this one  out already.

 Pretty Woman
Oh obvious choice here. New life plan. Operation Pretty Woman: Become a hooker with a heart of gold who happens upon the most amazing business man. Life will become all boxes of jewels, nights at the opera, days at the country club, and shopping sprees. I understand now. When this movie came out when I was a kid, my mother didn't want me to see it because she was afraid it would glorify and romanticize a life of prostitution. But I think she'd feel differently now. I'm single and not getting any younger and meeting a nice man this way really seems more realistic than finding one on

The Great Muppet Caper

Hear me out on this one......I'll follow Miss Piggy's plan and pose as a rich, famous woman (I'm thinking Beyonce) to meet and impress my man/frog and this will all lead to heroic adventures stopping major crimes, love, antics, and epic bicycle riding in the park.

Weekend at Bernie's
Have a boozy weekend at the beach on the dime of my dead boss who I am pretending isn't dead by keeping them propped up. In modern day this will also include the task of keeping them alive on social media, so instagraming, facebooking, tweting will all have to happen to help keep this illusion going until the beach-going weather ends or that body starts to smell.

Under the Tuscan Sun
Go to Italy and buy a villa. Change the course of life entirely to find more wine, more love, and all in amazing scenery.
Actually, I literally should just pack a bag and do this right now.

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