Friday, October 10, 2014

The Worst Halloween Costumes of 2014

The Definitive List of the Worst Halloween Costumes of 2014
 I scared up the most worthy costumes of the Winnifred Sanderson not impressed face from the web. 
And ate a bag of candy corn while doing so.

1. Couple costumes are always the worst. And this one is just gross. 
Picture the most annoying couple you know wearing this and spending the whole night at the party drunkenly smashing into each other in an unsexy sandwich.

I am, however, actually ok with this couple (or friends) Sharknado costume. 

2.  In case you want to not get flirted with on Halloween and want to be able to reuse
your costume next month, you could go as a turkey. 
Bonus: Showing up for Thanksgiving dinner dressed like this will stop your meddling family from asking you why you are still single.

 3. Sexy Yoda you are. What is essentially a bikini and beach cover up with a funny hat is the way to 
get all the nerds in the room to succumb to your force.  
Warning Nerds: Many girls who wear this costume may have never even seen a Star Wars.

 4. Cupcakes are a hot dessert trend. So why not be one. 

Clearly the only acceptable way to go as a cupcake is to go as Valerie Cherish from The Comeback dressed as a cupcake. And bonus points for the night if you finally punch 
that jerk in your life and you both puke.
*Also if you don't get this reference, immediately go on AmazonPrime and watch all of The Comeback and marvel at Lisa Kudrow's comedic genius. 

5. This is an inflated fat suit. With a tutu. So you can be a bloated ballerina. 
These inflated costumes seem to be popular in general this year. Why?

6. This costume, isn't slutty and actually shows some wit, but answer me this Great Pumpkin--how would you get your drink to your face wearing this giant rectangular frame?

Spend a fun moment right now picturing the trick of a person in this Mona Lisa costume
 trying to get her arms around the frame to get food and drink treats to her mouth.

7. Fireman with built in muscles. In the right lighting and with the right amount of alcohol you could easily trick that cute chick in the sexy Yoda costume into 
starting a relationship with you predicated on lies.

 8. I'm not trying to slut shame here, but seriously? A banana? You take the most phallic fruit and dress up as it. Oh goody. It has a zipper so that you can scandalously be peeled all night.

9. This mermaid monstrosity falls into the same category of impracticality as the Mona Lisa one. For the love of candy, why would you wear this? You literally would have to be carried in and placed somewhere on the floor where you then would sit and flip your fins and not get too far all night. Could you even see through this alien-looking one piece? 
This is just reminding me how much I hated the seven hour movie Avatar. 
And again, how the hell would you drink your precious pumpkin ale in this?
 10. If I saw someone wearing this I would feel the need to knock them to the ground and then sit on them to see if a sound comes out. 

And speaking of people I will knock down in a sugar induced rage at a Halloween party-anyone wearing this Ice Bucket Challenge costume:

FYI: Even though I actually hate Halloween-except for the candy binging and watching Hocus Pocus everytime it is on air-I have a solid plan for a costume this year. I think it strikes the perfect balance of sexy, smart, topical, and ironic. Keep posted to see it!

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