Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Selfies Most Wanted

A new day, a new terror to obsessively worry about.
A man broke into a family's house in Denver. He didn't hurt anyone or steal anything, all he did was take a selfie with a haunting, mocking smirk using the woman's cell phone.
 This is like the start of a Lifetime movie that at first seems like something you can sit and mock while enjoying a glass of wine, but quickly becomes filled with plot twists that will haunt your dreams.
So the cops are on the look out for a bold hipster with a penchant for ironic selfies. All of Brooklyn would be suspect if this hadn't thankfully happened miles away in Denver-where the subway and bicycles from Brooklyn don't go.
I can't help but think that this will be the continuation of the disturbing new trend of escalating selfies. First they were just innocent, but annoying "look at me" pictures in the bathroom or car, then they became braggy "look at what I'm doing" pictures of people in cool locations or doing better things with their Saturday afternoon than you were. But before we knew it, the selfie had gone to a new level with things like "Funeral Selfies." The more wrong of a place to snap a picture, the more right it felt.
People just can't help themselves. And it has all led to trouble, like the man last week who was arrested after taking a selfie of himself with the phone he had just stolen. Idiot.
Anyway, back to the Selfie Creeper in Denver....I just hope this isn't something that people start doing. I would like to think this is one isolated incident where this man was just involved in a drunken bar dare or something. Though since a neighbor who was interviewed by the cops said they were pretty sure they saw this man lurking around the neighborhood, that is seeming unlikely. Oh god. If I look at my phone when home alone and discover that some dude has just taken a freaky selfie-I don't know what I'd do! Certainly demand the police sit on my house with protective detail for weeks. I'd also then demand that I get to play myself in any Lifetime movies or Law and Order SVUs made.
So.....yes. Selfies are becoming terrifying. I probably won't sleep tonight.
But I also need to mention that there is a brilliant website doing their best to put a stop to this madness-or at least make us be held accountable.
SelfiePolice.org is an effort by independent students in association with The Tyler Robinson Foundation . As they describe on their website, their goal is turn "vanity into charity" with "one-hundred percent of funds raised by the #selfiepolice will be contributed to Vittana, an innovative organization dedicated to fighting world poverty by providing student loans to college aged kids in third world countries." You can fine yourself or charge your friends. I'm not saying I'm innocent and don't post selfies so I think this is something we should all get behind. It may be the only way to save humanity at this point.

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