Friday, April 5, 2013

The Secrets

Finally, the insider tip on how to stay model thin! Eat tissues!
Yes a body in need of fitting haute couture needs Puffs indeed.

Thanks for bringing me dinner, hun!

Lunch on the go.

This diet, that will undoubtedly be all the rage this summer, get it's own cookbook: "Tasty Tissues: How To Lightly Flavor Your Filling No Calorie Snack," and be bigger than Atkins Diet, was revealed to us by former Vogue Australia editor Kristie Clements in her new tell-all book.
Clements says:
“I was having dinner with a New York agent who said to me that a few of the girls had resorted to eating tissues,” she said. “I’d never heard of such a thing. I said ‘Oh, what did that do?’ And, apparently, they swelled in your stomach and made you feel full.”
Bon appetite skinny bitches.

Meanwhile Huffington Post reported today about another diet that is much more my speed-the "boozy diet"-which apparently is the secret to longevity according to 101 year old Nancy Lamperti of Staten Island. Her daily routine includes having two glasses of wine at lunch, taking a nap, having a Southern Comfort in the afternoon, and then having beer with dinner. She's done this all her adult life and is a happy and healthy centenarian. Oh and in addition to her drinking, Nancy is a big fan of watching hours of cable TV. This lady and I would get along.
In fact, Virginia Tech researchers published earlier this year that people who DON'T drink are 19% more likely to die than those who do.

So what did we learn here? Go have a couple tissues and some wine and you'll stay thin and healthy for years to come. There's no way this plan can fail.

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