La Cheeze & Whine Winter Shut In Netflix Binge List

We are bracing for Snowpocolypse 2016 on the east coast. With this year's mild weather so far, I feel we are all actually like this teacher looking forward to some snow for forced couch time.
And since obviously we have all already binged on Making a Murderer and are stressed out from Sarah Palin, I figured I'd let you know about some fun and maybe lesser known picks from the lighter side of Netflix viewing that will help calm you down and get you through.

La Cheeze & Whine Winter Shut In Netflix Binge List

"The Spoils Before Dying"

An IFC mini-series that is a creative parody of vintage bad tv follows a 1950s jazz pianist turned private eye who becomes embroiled in a murder investigation. It's sort of a high budget, extended SNL skit starring Will Ferrell, Kristen Wiig, Chris Parnell, Maya Rudolph. It's so intentionally terrible that is delightful. Make it a true binge and watch its sister series "The Spoils of Babylon" while you are at it.

"Vexed"

A snarky British police sitcom featuring a mis-matched pair of Detectives with sexual tension who must work together to solve bizarre murders. If you like things like "Law and Order: SVU" and "Castle," but wish they had more sarcasm and sex, you'll dig this.

"The Search for General Tso"

A history of the real General and how my favorite Chinese take out chicken dish got named for him. Informative, filled with fodder for interesting anecdotes that you can wow any crowd with when they bring up Chinese food. It's also told like a good detective story, and best watched while enjoying some take out-because you will definitely be craving some watching this.

"Lucky"

After all the recent Lottery craze, this is a relatable one. It's a dark comedy about a serial killer who unwittingly wins the lottery jackpot starring Colin (Tom's son) Hank, Ann-Margaret, and Mimi Rogers aka the gum girl from Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist.

"The Riches"

You may have missed this totally binge worthy show when it aired on FX nearly a decade ago, but it is so good. Eddie Izzard plays a gypsy con-artist who leads his family into stealing the upscale life of another man who they find dead on his way to moving into his new home. You won't be able to stop until the end. And Izzard creates a character who, like Tony Soprano, makes you so confused about what is actually right and wrong.

"Jem"

Not the shit movie they attempted to make. The original. The 80s cartoon that you probably watched but didn't really understand. It is like a soap opera with date drama plots worthy of Sex and the City. And just as stylish.

"Friends with Benefits"

A short lived but cute sitcom from 2011 that if you like things like "How I Met Your Mother," "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia," and "New Girl" you will enjoy. Right from the first scene of the pilot episode where a guy, rushing out of bed after sleeping with his best friend, puts on her skinny jeans instead of his own.  Oh the struggle.

"The Increasingly Poor Decision of Todd Margaret"

David Cross' dark sided humor creates this character who is destined to fail and bring everyone around down with him in this IFC sitcom about a pathetic loser who accidentally gets sent by his company to work in London, despite the fact that he is so clueless he doesn't even know that the Pound and Dollar have different values. Also stars my favorite British actress/comedian/writer Sharon Horgan.

"Better Off Ted"

A brilliant sitcom about a heartless company called Veridian and the employees who "don't fight it." Starring the super cute Jay Harrington and Portia de Rossi being the ultimate perfect corporate bitch. This show is so clever it is hard to believe it only was allowed to exist for two years. It is vainglorious. So watch it. For Jenkins. You'll get all this when you watch it.

"Small Town Security"

A reality show about a family security business in a small town in Georgia led by the matriarch Joan, a former local cable access tv star whose employees include a trans-gender security guard who is in a bizarre love triangle with her. There are all the elements you need here for captivating viewing of bizarre realities of other lives. So get on it.

"Bojack Horseman"

An animated series in the twisted vein of "Archer," this one is about a horse who was a 90s sitcom star but is now a miserable drunk desperate for a comeback. Hilarious and raunchy and filled with great pull quotes. 

There you have it! Now get binging!

Lust in Translation

So science is working really hard to get us more sex.

Pretty much all technological advances are no sooner developed then they are curated into being used for mating stupid humans. Think about it. Your cell phone is such an incredible feat of technology, capable of giving us great advantages from knowledge, and yet we use it to swipe right on Tindr and send sexy poop emojis in text flirtations. What is wrong with us?
Maybe we just need a device that is even more advanced to help us see that the key to the world before us is communication. Not just from emojis and 140 character tweets, but our real, beautiful, poetic words that reach across countries and language barriers. If we had a device that allowed our words to be heard by everyone, translated instantly into their language, just think of the possibilities. That would get us back on track. We'll all be expressing ourselves as eloquently as the Bard himself and the world will find the peace it searches for.

But soft what light through yonder window breaks!
That device is here! The Ili!

The Ili is a necklace that looks like you are wearing a late generation ipod shuffle, but is actually a mobile translator which instantaneously translates all you say into the language of your choice.
There is no way that we can misuse this device. Except the one.
And the company that launched it, Logbar, went ahead and just jumped right to what we stupid, sex starved humans will use this new technology for. Sex. But even worse, their first commercial introducing the device pretty much has a man sexually harassing women with it. And it turns out, sexual harassment is creepy in any language. But especially when translated through a stick in front of your face with a robot voice.

This commercial is super slimy and complete with awful pick up lines you expect to hear after midnight at a dive bar in the wrong part of town. And yet coming out of the dimple-rimmed mouth of this British model they are even more disgusting. This asshole adonis goes around saying things like "I should thank your parents" while wondering through the streets of Japan asking girls to kiss him. Not surprisingly, despite his fancy, magical translating machine and Disney prince good looks, these girls are repulsed, and most of them run away in terror, save a few who clearly were raised orphans without parents to teach them about stranger danger.
Watch this and try not to be disgusted.

While I'm not sure exactly what else we would desperately need to say in a foreign land using this device other than "Where is the toilet?" and "What kind of meat did I eat?" I am positive that this obnoxiously creepy flirting is not what it should be used for. I am also pretty positive that not one woman was on the team working to come up with this marketing concept.
Also, this commercial is a total knock off of an episode of the short-lived, but never-the-less brilliant sitcom ,"Better Off Ted." In the aptly named "Lust in Translation" episode, the team of accidentally evil but adorably dorky scientists at Veridian Dynamics launch the exact same translator product, and the main character Ted obviously uses it to flirt with and bed the buxom blond German corporate head. Like with all sitcoms, it predictably doesn't end well for the translator, Ted, and the blond, but everything wraps up nicely by the end of the episode.

This show has been streaming on Netflix for years (and if you haven't binged on it, I suggest you do.) So I can't help but think whoever came up with the Ili, or at least whoever came up with their commercial, totally caught this episode of "Better Off Ted." So not only does Logbar lose points for their disturbing sexual harassment commercial, they also lose points for lack of originality.
I guess we don't need any more devices or ways to be heard. We apparently have very little worth saying anyway.