Thursday, November 29, 2012

Grace Seeking Will on Grindr

It's pretty hard to make a connection and start a friendship as an adult. It's not like back in the day of elementary school where you could simply bond over someone's awesome Fraggle Rock Trapper Keeper or even college where you could bond over late night cramming sessions and bad food choices in the Student Union. As a single, young adult, you are relegated to mostly just making friends at work. But for many people with lame office jobs, those cubicle critters may not be your cup of tea for weekend chill outs. So how do you find those friends that will help you live out the dream life that was promised you by great 90's sitcoms like Friends or, even better, find your very own sassy, gay best friend to be like Will & Grace?
Well, apparently, many straight girls are turning to the gay networking app Grindr to find their GBFF (Gay Best Friend Forever.)
If it weren't for the fact that I live with a gay man (who has pointed out that when we watch Will & Grace re-runs it's rather like a pair of hyenas watching The Animal Planet) I would not have even been aware about this app which uses your phone's gps to locate other men within close proximity. It provides you with a picture grid of men showing off their muscular chests and giving their best bedroom eyes. You tap on the picture of what you like and it will display a brief profile for that user, as well as the option to chat, send pictures, and share one's location. Basically it's booty call central for gay men. My roommate is on it constantly trolling the gayboorhood for potential hotties to stalk. I find it all creepy.
But apparently, some fag hag wannabes, who are not as lucky to attract gay men like glitter to a shag carpet as I seem to do, have taken to Grindr to find the Will to their Grace creating posts like this
Wait....Who talks about Tina Turner? This girl does need a gay in her life if she thinks Tina Turner is at all relevant.
But seriously, this misuse of Grindr is just further evidence of where I fear the technology of constant social networking has taken us as a society, and it is actually a sad lonely place where many people are left more desperately craving personal, real interaction. And it also reminds me how lucky I am to have some good gay men in my life. I would feel pretty pathetic having to post on Grindr that I need someone to show me for the 400th time how to do a smokey eye.
Guess we all just need this in our lives:

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Lions & Tigers & Bears-Oh My!: Barnyard Brothels and Erotic Zoos

 I'm an animal lover, but by that I mean that I have to quickly change the channel to avoid tears every time one of those ASPCA ads comes on with the sad puppies and kitties in cages. But I'm not the kind of animal lover who goes to an "Erotic Zoo." Yes. Erotic Zoos for "zoophiliacs" exist and are becoming increasingly popular in Germany.
These special zoos allow people to do things--dirty things--to animals like goats and llamas for a fee. But Germany's Agriculture Minister Ilse Aigner is looking to reinstate the bestiality laws that have been off the books since the late 60s which would help protect people, animals, and stop people who are not part of the Erotic Zoos who are attempting to profit from renting their animals to all those zoophiliacs running about Germany looking for the goat of their dreams. That's right, they're finally cracking down on those pimps over there who are making bank off their barnyards of four-legged, furry hos. The zoophile group ZETA isn’t fond of these proposed bestiality laws. “Mere concepts of morality have no business being law,” claims their chairman Michael Kiok. I disagree with him. I think sometimes laws that enforce morals are a good thing. Like laws that tell us not to kill people or steal things. These new anti-bestiality laws would ban the so-called "animal brothels" and also make it illegal to train animals for sex with humans.
I stupidly attempted to google these erotic zoos abroad for further information and to see what was actually going on, but this obviously just led to images and sites that were not ok. I had to clear my cache should anyone else happen to use my computer and that came up. I just wish clearing my memory was as easy.
So to recap what we've learned here, Germany should get those bestiality laws passed, Sarah McLaughlin should stop making those devastatingly sad puppy commercials, and I should not have ever have attempted to google the words "erotic" "zoo" and "brothel." I am going to go cut a habanero pepper and rub it in my eyes.

That Old Man Looks Better in That Outfit Than I Do

I'm not sure what the marketing strategy is here, but a young woman in China who has a trendy clothing boutique called Yuekou, has started using her 72 year-old grandfather as her model in the clothes designed for young women.
The cross-dressing sometimes wig-sporting grandpa, Liu Xianping, claims that this all began one day when he was trying to help his granddaughter by offering her some suggestions on how to mix and match and they began shooting pictures and having fun with it all. He doesn't think this is weird at all. He says "Why [is it] unacceptable for someone like me to wear women’s clothes? Modelling for the store is helping my granddaughter and I have nothing to lose. We were very happy on the day of the shooting. I’m very old and all that I care about is to be happy."
And sales have increased for the boutique since the ads featuring him have started running.
This is absolutely absurd. Now not only do I have to feel ashamed that I don't have the body of a skinny, prepubescent girl, I can also bemoan the fact that I don't even look as good as a grandpa. Great.

Monday, November 12, 2012

Don't Tickle Me Elmo

Another day, another fallen hero. You have undoubtedly stumbled across the documentary "Being Elmo" on Netflix and, if you are like me, you fell in love with Kevin Clash, the man behind Sesame Street's Elmo. Today news broke from Sesame Street that a 23 year old young man has come forward saying that he had a seven-year relationship with Clash, starting at the age of 16. Clash is admitting to the relationship, but he denies that it was of a sexual nature until the boy was of age. And it should be noted, no allegations were made about Elmo's involvement in the relationship. Even though we all know how much that muppet likes to be tickled and touched. Either way, I can't help but feel a bit skeezed out and disappointed as this case of "show me on this muppet where he touched you" unfolds.
The accuser's lawyers are from Andreozzi and Associates, the same firm that represented one of Jerry Sandusky victims. The lawyers have accused Sesame Workshop of trying to "discredit the victim in order to protect its employee and the image of one of its most valuable characters. This approach places a greater value on a puppet than the well being of a young man." Well, Clash has spent all these years with his hand up the tush of a childlike furry monster, it's going to be hard for him to have a lot credibility in fighting these allegations. Kevin Clash (and I assume his red furry alter ego) will be taking a leave of absence from Sesame Street to deal with this. Perhaps opening more screen time for Telly Monster. I always felt like Telly Monster was under appreciated.

Friday, November 9, 2012

Tweets Are No Turkish Delight

Whether you like what your government is doing or not, being an American is an amazing thing because of the many civil liberties we do have and so often take for granted.
For example, the election earlier this week was documented by people throughout the country on Twitter and other social media sights. But those constant tweets throughout the day expressed disdain, disgust, excitement, confusion, love, and hatred. Love it or leave it, twitter is a new way we are recording history. And as Americans, we can say a lot thanks to the First Amendment. Like Ann Coulter calling the president the "r-word" on twitter during the last debate, there is a no holding us back from stating and sharing our opinions. And while I don't agree with the likes of Ann Coulter and others who abuse that right to say horrible things with their micro-blogging, I am proud we have that right. Because many places in the world, Ann Coulter would be in jail-not that I'd be mad about that.
Turkey is an example of one of those places. Today, the mayor of the capital city Ankara, is suing 600 people for trashing him on Twitter because under Turkey's controversial Article 301, those who insult "the Turkish Nation" can serve up to two years in prison. The mayor İbrahim Melih Gökçek said on a TV interview that they are tracking down the authors of the tweets who will find "themselves in front of prosecutors. But if they apologize publicly, then I say they're young and forgive them." Sounds generous enough of him.
But back in June, Gökçek, who has been mayor since 1994, spoke out in support of banning abortion saying “Women kill their babies born out of adultery. Why do babies die because of these so-called mothers? Let mothers kill themselves." Things are starting to make sense. If I was Turkish and tweeted, I would definitely have not too many sweet tweets for this man.

Meth for the Flu Madness

It's that season again. Anyone who has sat wrapped in a snuggie on their couch suffering through the flu knows that there is not much you can do to feel better. You just have to let it all run it's course and hope there is a good marathon of Law and Order on TV and that you know someone who loves you enough to be willing to brave breathing your contaminated air to come bring you some soup.
There you sit and suffer, only days ago a vibrant, healthy being, now a snotty, coughing mess with dripping eyes framed by dark circles and matted unwashed air. When you catch a glimpse in your bathroom mirror you realize in disgust that in this lowly state you look unmistakably like a meth addict.
Well turns out scientists have discovered that looking like train-wreck Lindsay Lohan while having the flu isn't the only connection between meth and the virus. Researchers in Taiwan published a study this week in PLoS One that methamphetamine may possess flu-fighting properties. They exposed human lung cells to varying quantities meth, then infected them with H1N1 viruses, a common subtype of human influenza and after 30 hours, the meth-treated cells possessed significantly lower concentrations of the virus than the control group did. After 48 hours, the difference was even more pronounced. They concluded this had to do with meth's apparent anti-viral effect occuring during the viral replication that takes place after infection.
But before you go all Breaking Bad and search out Walter White, remember that meth has a ton of outrageously negative effects-such as brain damage, psychosis, heart disease, tooth decay, not to mention it won't make you look any better than when you had the flu. In fact, comparatively, you probably look sexier with the flu.
Like that poor girl from America's Next Top Model with a meth addiction that Dr. Phil dragged out:
Obviously, these scientists are trying to search for safer, structurally similar compounds to meth that could be used to fight the flu.
So stay healthy. But, if you do get the flu, resist temptation to get involved with meth. Though that couch time may be perfect to finally catch up on Breaking Bad on Netflix.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

How to Stuff It

I've been flying around a lot this year, and we all know that air travel is just not a great situation. First there is the general fear of flying to deal with. For example- yesterday a plane had to make an emergency landing because they lost an engine. Then beyond the risk of death, there is certain risk of discomforts from bad food, cramped seats, smells, crying babies, delays....But one of the worst parts of flying is packing to fly. There are safety regulations to consider with all that bagging of your tiny amounts of liquids because obviously those of us who barely got a C in high school chemistry would be huge threats capable of turning our mouthwash, perfume, and sunscreen into bombs. There's also the worry that you will be charged extra for having too many bags or that your bag is too heavy to get on the plane. Even though I saw that plane carrying a space shuttle so I can't imagine that my over-packing will take down the plane from it being too heavy. And if you do have to check a bag, it's not irrational to spend most of the flight tense that you will arrive at your destination only to find that your luggage is in Jakarta.
Everytime I'm packing, I find myself wishing I was Merlin in Disney's "Sword in the Stone" and could just do this:

But since most of us can't work magic like Merlin, Engineer John Powers has come up with a solution to our problem-Jaktogo's wearable luggage.
Basically it's a coat or that stylish jumper for women made out of a light but strong polyester that has 14 variously-sized pockets which can carry about 30lbs of luggage and then after you board the plane with all your smuggled extra stuff, it can be folded back into a bag. If this incredibly stylish storage bag ensemble is a must have holiday item for you, it can be ordered here for a reasonable $109.99.
Seriously, someone wearing a smuggling coat doesn't look suspicious at all. Going through security x-rays will be a breeze. But if you don't get strip searched and held for questioning as a terrorist, you won't have to pay for that extra bag. 

Barack to Reality

So in case you missed me terribly and were craving your cheeze and whine....I'm back! I was on vacation in Florida.
It was all sunshine and strawberry daquiri's. Kind of nice to power out for a bit during the last few days of what has been a crazy election season and a busy time for me personally. And I thought maybe it would be nice to get some color before the snow came and I just blend in to that. (Not that I wanted to be Mitt-faced orange either.) But Florida is not a great place to be a liberal in election season. Romney ads rule the airwaves as do huge Romney billboards and Republican rants can constantly be overheard poolside. (But I'd like to point out that Romney lost Florida despite all that!)
So my plane landed back here in the cold Tuesday and I rushed off to cast my vote and hope for the best as it was certainly going to be a long election night. But despite some nail biting moments where it was neck and neck, it was all over relatively quickly.
Obama! And his victory speech reminded everyone just why it's easy to love this man and his family and be inspired by the hope he stands for. And maybe it was the weekend in sunshine, but for a moment I'm feeling optimistic.