Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Lions & Tigers & Bears-Oh My!: Barnyard Brothels and Erotic Zoos

 I'm an animal lover, but by that I mean that I have to quickly change the channel to avoid tears every time one of those ASPCA ads comes on with the sad puppies and kitties in cages. But I'm not the kind of animal lover who goes to an "Erotic Zoo." Yes. Erotic Zoos for "zoophiliacs" exist and are becoming increasingly popular in Germany.
These special zoos allow people to do things--dirty things--to animals like goats and llamas for a fee. But Germany's Agriculture Minister Ilse Aigner is looking to reinstate the bestiality laws that have been off the books since the late 60s which would help protect people, animals, and stop people who are not part of the Erotic Zoos who are attempting to profit from renting their animals to all those zoophiliacs running about Germany looking for the goat of their dreams. That's right, they're finally cracking down on those pimps over there who are making bank off their barnyards of four-legged, furry hos. The zoophile group ZETA isn’t fond of these proposed bestiality laws. “Mere concepts of morality have no business being law,” claims their chairman Michael Kiok. I disagree with him. I think sometimes laws that enforce morals are a good thing. Like laws that tell us not to kill people or steal things. These new anti-bestiality laws would ban the so-called "animal brothels" and also make it illegal to train animals for sex with humans.
I stupidly attempted to google these erotic zoos abroad for further information and to see what was actually going on, but this obviously just led to images and sites that were not ok. I had to clear my cache should anyone else happen to use my computer and that came up. I just wish clearing my memory was as easy.
So to recap what we've learned here, Germany should get those bestiality laws passed, Sarah McLaughlin should stop making those devastatingly sad puppy commercials, and I should not have ever have attempted to google the words "erotic" "zoo" and "brothel." I am going to go cut a habanero pepper and rub it in my eyes.

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