We Need to Fight Toe-Besity

Your toes look great! Have they lost weight?

Growing up in dance and having worked as a professional dancer and actress for the past decade, I obviously have obsessed over every flaw on my body. I've lived in fear of strappy sandals that may create cankles. I carefully want to angle myself in pictures so that you can't see that my teeth are a bit crooked because I lost my retainer in the sink disposal.
But thank you beauty obsessed culture for giving us yet another part of our body to obsess and worry about: our toes.
Dr. Oliver Zong, a NYC based plastic surgeon, has been performing toe slimming/reshaping surgeries. Apparently many of us suffer from "toe-besity" and we don't have to. Luckily for those hard to exercise toes that just can't shed that extra ounce-there is a crazy surgical answer. Perfect. You no longer have to feel embarrassed bearing your little piggies in your flip flops.
And remember how crazy you thought those step-sisters in Cinderella who willfully cut off a toe to fit the dainty glass slipper were? Well Dr. Hillary Brenner, a podiatric surgeon in New York, told ABC News that several women have come to her wanting to have their pinky toe removed so they could fit smaller shoes. Hmmm....I do have big feet. Maybe I should look into this in case I happen to be one of the lucky women to win Louboutin's Cinderella shoes. If fairytales have taught us anything it's why should we be a fat toed stepsister when with expensive elective surgery you could be a delicate Cinderella. Who cares if you can walk. You won't need to walk when you are whisked off in the arms of your Prince.
I'm glad that we are finally facing the real health problems in this country. It's time we brought this little known problem into the spotlight so we can put an end to tragic toe-besity.

If the shoe fits......you're still not a Princess

Christian Louboutin-the shoe designer whose shoes cost more than most women's rent for an entire season-has teamed with fantasy pusher Disney and created a version of Cinderella's glass slipper that debuted this week in Paris. It's not made of glass. In fact it's not even really transparent. It's lace, with Swarovski crystals, and butterflies. Now Cinderella talked to lots of animals in this movie-but I don't remember one butterfly. Then I thought maybe the butterfly was a metaphor for change. But no such luck that this designer thought that deep. Louboutin said that the butterflies were there because he imagined "Cinderella tending to her chores and the delicate creature landing on her." Did he even see this movie or ever read the story? The glass slippers were not her peasant work wear to do chores in. She didn't go to the ball to mop the bathroom. She went to meet a prince to get out of her miserable indentured servitude! Anyway, Louboutin's butterfly accents are not the only misguided delusion involved in this modern day fairytale he is forcing upon us. These shoes are not even for sale. You have to have a fairy godmother or crazy luck because only one girl in each country will be gifted one of the 20 limited pairs of these shoes. Why bother? It probably won't even be in your size.
The shoe I think is tacky. It looks like something a drag queen and a glue gun would create for a Halloween costume. The only part I'm interested in seeing is Louboutin in his acting debut in the 10 minute short film "The Magic of the Glass Slipper: A Cinderella Story" which will be a special feature on the Blue-ray release of Disney's Cinderella this fall. I'll obviously just wait til someone posts it on youtube to see Louboutin's undoubted Academy Award-winning turn playing a cobbler creating this masterpiece of foot wear.
In the meantime, I'll have to find other shoes to magically change my life.