Monday, September 23, 2013

Reach for the Stars

I've had a busy and exciting month. And now I'm craving some downtime, some time to just hang out on the couch and finally watch those shows Breaking Bad and Orange Is The New Black that everyone keeps talking about. That way when I'm out and someone brings them up I don't have to dramatically divert the conversation by bringing up how I'm considering starting to wear Miley Cyrus style nipple adornments or spilling my drink all over them just to avoid having to admit I haven't been watching the shows which are clearly at the hub of world culture right now.
Well, lucky for me and thanks to NASA, there may be a way I can finally catch up on those shows. Success is doing what you love and getting paid for it. NASA announced they are accepting applications for people who they will hire to spend 70 days lounging about and be paid $18,000. It's my dream job! I never thought I'd be qualified for any job at NASA.

Forbes reported that NASA is using these couch potatoes to research how astronauts, specifically those headed to Mars in a few years, will maintain their health while in space. NASA explains that this "bed rest study" will "simulate the effects of long-duration spaceflight by having test subjects lie in beds for the 70 day period. The beds are tilted head-down at a six-degree angle....this tilt which causes body fluids to shift to the upper part of the body, sets off cardiovascular events that are similar to what we see in a space flight.
The big requirement in submitting to this couch potato job is that you can not be a couch potato at the start. They are looking for fit, healthy, active individuals. (I so have this job in the bag!) They are also looking for well adjusted individuals who will pass mental screening tests to make sure that they are "mentally ready to spend 70 days in bed."

Wow. So while I consider filling out the application, I can't help but fantasize about the things I would do with those 70 days. Here's my bed ridden bucket list (also good planning for winter shut in weather /cold and flu season)

1. Watch Breaking Bad and Orange is The New Black-as previously discussed-as well as really investing in all those documentaries I've cued up on Netflix.
2. Learn a whole new language. Being paid $18000 means I can afford that Rosetta Stone and a plane ticket.
3. Read. I used to do a lot of that before distractions like life, Netflix, marathons of TV shows like Law and Order:SVU and Pinterest got in the way.
4. Master the totally wearable everyday make up of Pinterest.
5. Write an awesome screenplay and use the whole $18000 to produce it and then win Oscars for Writing, Directing, and Acting.
6. Is sex allowed?
7. Solve a New York Times crossword puzzle.
8. Prank call people Bart Simpson style.
 9. Get into a catfish relationship on the internet with someone I already know, though they won't suspect it's me. Mwa-ha-ha.
10. Learn to rap-so I can blow minds at karaoke breezing through Macklemore.

So, conclusion. I have to go fill out that application. I have great dreams to fulfill and working for NASA is the key to reaching for the stars.

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