Busting Out

In honor of National Topless Day-which really is about women feeling empowered by their bodies-I am reposting a version of an article I wrote that was published in June 2014 in the now no longer existing blog-agazine CityElla. 

It is totally legal for a woman to walk around shirtless in NYC. That’s right ladies, you can strut all over the city with your big apples out and no one can stop you.

But people will stare at you.

Most people are unaware of the fact that since 1992 in NYC it has been legal for women to go shirtless in any public place where it is legal for a man to do so. But even though it’s their right, most women would probably feel uncomfortable doing so. I know I would. Women get sexually harassed by men just for showing cleavage, how could they possibly feel safe shirtless? And what about all the controversy surrounding women who bare their breasts in public to breast feed their babies? If women are attacked for busting out their boobies to do that, why would we ever feel comfortable strutting our breasts down the street as say, a fashion statement?

But, as uncomfortable as others may try to make us feel about baring our breasts, there are laws in place to protect women who choose to go topless, and give us all the strength to not look at showing our breasts and nipples as something shocking, but rather as a right and as normal. It’s quite the empowering thought.

Feeling tempted to show your belief in women’s equality and go topless? Even though the sultry summer heat is here, if you aren’t ready to just shed layers and be half naked in Midtown yet, NYC seems to offer many places for women to get used to breaking free of their bras in safe, naked-friendly settings. These include naked yoga, naked paint nights, and even a naked book club called The Outdoor Co-Ed Topless Pulp Fiction Society which, with meetings in places like Central Park, aims to help remind everyone that being topless is legal and that reading is sexy. 

All of these clothing optional activities stress that sensuality is not at the root of being there naked, but that it is more about being free, being equal and not being ashamed. A man walking around shirtless is not seen as pornographic, but women’s breasts take that rating up. 

Filmmaker and actress Lina Esco released her funny and empowering film “Free the Nipple” in 2014 (http://freethenipple.com/) which is inspired by true events and follows a group of young women hitting the streets of NYC topless defending their right to do so. The film, which she started in 2012, has had a lot of struggles along the way with the issues that are exactly what the film addresses. The film’s facebook Free the Nipples page had been deleted and the MPAA said that it would be giving the film an NC-17 rating, limiting the theatres that could release the film. Even though Esco pointed out there was “not one sexual act in the film.” Esco said in an interview that all of this is what happens when you show aerola.

She is definitely onto something there. 

“Legal in NYC but not on @instagram”

Scout Willis, daughter of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore, protested aerola being taboo by strutting the streets of Manhattan topless and tying it in to Esco’s #FreetheNipple campagin, to get rid of censorship on the social media platform Instagram. 

Willis, in 2014, then followed up with a well done and thought-provoking article on xojane.com saying:

“I am not trying to argue for mandatory toplessness, or even bralessness. What I am arguing for is a woman’s right to choose how she represents her body -- and to make that choice based on personal desire and not a fear of how people will react to her or how society will judge her. No woman should be made to feel ashamed of her body.”

So, with all of this, would I go topless in NYC? No. I didn’t think it was because I’m afraid of what others would say, or ashamed of my body, or that I don’t like being judged. In fact, if I did worry about any of those things, I wouldn’t be an actress, the quintessential career which seems to nourish those fears with constant rejection growing your self-doubt.

And I’ve even accidentally had a “nip slip” on stage. A couple of years ago I was working as a back up dancer for a Lady Gaga impersonator-(seriously)-and we were performing “Born This Way” at a Christening in Brooklyn-(you can’t make this stuff up)-and my sassy one shoulder costume just flopped right off mid shimmy making it a whole different kind of show. I laughed it off and wasn’t embarrassed. It’s just a nipple, the guest of honor baby was used to them. 

So while I'd like to assume that I wouldn’t go bust out in NYC because I just don’t like being topless, it may be because I have a size B/C chest and the thought of walking around without even a bra, my breasts flapping, seems just actually really uncomfortable. 

Running down stairs to catch a train? Running without a supportive sports bra? Nope. 

Also, if you are just wearing pants or a skirt, you have to really watch out for the always embarrassing muffin top issue. And what about sun exposure? I have only ever been publicly (on purpose) topless on a beach and even then I was pretty much solely turned on my stomach to protect my milky white breasts from ever getting what would undoubtedly be a painful sunburn. 

That time I freed my nipples on the beach.

These thoughts made me realize: these reasons are mostly just excuses to cover up the fact that I am actually afraid of what others would think? I tested myself by walking around my own apartment doing chores topless and was disappointed to find that I didn’t even enjoy that. I seriously felt weird and a bit like I was in a bizarre porno being topless doing mundane activities like the dishes and sweeping. And then I became increasingly convinced that my cat, who is a feline master of withering looks aka Cat bitch face, was in fact judging me and my saggy, pale breasts. Yeah...so maybe I am just a little paranoid about being judged. 

Now, I’m not saying I’m going to go YOLO, join #FreetheNipple and start heading out in NYC topless (with sunscreen of course) to celebrate the fact that women are and should be equal. But I do think the talk of topless has helped me examine some of my own unexpected prejudices and fears to realize that there is great power in separating breasts from sexualization and, more importantly, in not allowing exposure to make us vulnerable. 

We should never be afraid to get out from under the censor bar. 

Pull a Date Out of Your Hat

Just in time for Valentine's Day.....A young woman has taken finding love in NYC into her own hands by posting missed connection posters throughout the subways looking for a man she saw riding a Brooklyn bound A train in November.

Cleverly designed to look like an official MTA poster, this grabs your attention and rips at all the cold, loveless souls by reminding us that a fragile heart is at stake. And she even impressively scripted that in several languages.
But it turns out that these posters aren't just looking for lost love. They are about their author, performance artist Maria Luisa Portuondo Vila, looking for attention for herself and her art and art collective. Ugh, isn't anything real anymore? Even love is an internet hoax.
While Vila does claim to the NY Daily News that this is both an attempt to find love and an art project saying, "I really saw this man in the subway and I like him," I am skeptical. Mostly because of that sketch of the man she is allegedly looking for. It shouldn't be too hard to track down a man wearing a top hat around Manhattan. Right? And if I saw a man in a top hat on the train that I found that beguiling, I certainly would rely on the easy conversation starters of "I love your hat" or "You must have a great milliner" or "Do you have a rabbit in there?" Under no circumstance would I just sit there and let that top hat gentleman pass by.
Also, I feel she may be living out an artist fantasy and just thinking of one of these men. Not that I can really blame her. Maybe she is thinking that like with Frosty the snowman, if she puts a top hat on the man he will become real.

Speaking of men in top hats, remember that man a couple of years ago who ended up in the emergency room with a tiny top hat glued to his head. Maybe he's single?

Investment Banker Needed A Bailout

In other news beside the birth of the royal baby, an investment banker in NYC attempted to end his life because of a dispute with his neighbors over his royal babies-his three French poodles, Prince Polo, Princess Jasmine and Prince Bonbon. Yep, Prince Bonbon.

Allegedly, Adam Silberman has had an on-going dispute over his rambunctious, royal ruff-ians with his co-op board in his Upper East Side building and things seemed to escalate yesterday when he dramatically hurled himself out the window of his 7th floor apartment. It was also reported in the New York Post that not only was he barking mad at his neighbors, but he and his wife owed upwards of $600,000 in back taxes, and there was "crack paraphernalia" found by authorities in his apartment.
But unfortunately for Mr. Silberman, suicide proved to be yet another failure. In his plunge to the pavement, his body hit an awning on the 2nd floor which broke his fall causing him to survive and not end up a poodle on the pavement. He is currently at Weill Cornell Medical Center with broken bones and a badly bruised ego. Though I'm sure his precious poodles are happy he survived.

Failure at suicide or winner at life?

Feminist Camp: No Need To Pack Your Objectifying Bikini

The New York Times had an article yesterday about Feminist Camp for teen girls being held in NYC. During this camp, activities like hiking, lanyard making, tennis, and swimming are obviously not on the itinerary. This week long program aims to prepare young women to go out into the world and do more practical feats, like hold epic filibusters or open a feminist vegetarian restaurant called Bloodroot. (This actually exists in southern CT.)
The program leads these teen girls throughout the city to such summer hot spots as the offices of the non-profit Choices in Childhood to hear a lecture from a doula who counsels women having abortions, to Broadway to see actress Holland Taylor in the play "Ann" about former Texas Governor Ann Richards (who, by the way, it is noted in the article these budding feminists had never previously heard of), the Brooklyn Museum's Elizabeth A. Sackler Center for Feminist Art, and met with a group of activists from SPARK who seek to end objectification of girls and women in pop culture.

Now, while all of that does sound very......enriching, it doesn't seem very fun. Does it make me an anti-feminist to admit that I would rather be spending my summer at the beach-wearing an objectifying bikini?

I think this is the problem with feminism-it tends to take itself so seriously. 

And it shouldn't. That's part of the charm that I perceive with many gay rights activist, there is a tongue in cheek sense of humor and a sparkling trail of glitter to all their efforts. But many feminists approach everything with this somber intensity. Maybe it is the fallout from the fatigue and frustration of years of suffering and fighting for equal rights. But why do feminists get such a bad rep as exaggerated caricatures? Probably for exactly this reason. Seriously, what teenage girl wants to spend a hot, beautiful summer day in a museum looking at feminist art followed by intense discussion and debate? And kudos to the seven girls enrolled in this camp.

I guess we have to question what makes a feminist. I absolutely am a feminist and in my definition, a feminist is any woman who thinks herself to be an equal and who challenges herself and those around her to make the world a better place-not just for other women, but for everyone. Like Hilary Clinton. Tina Fey.....So by this definition, do we really need Feminist Camp to prep the young female minds of tomorrow or is this camp encouraging young women to yes, become activists, but ones who think to be taken seriously they must take themselves far too seriously.

The young women enrolled in this camp feel this experience is very important because, as they explained to The Times, they feel that women's rights have taken a back seat to gay rights. (Must be that glitter.) One young woman was quoted as explaining, "I have friends who are very religious and they’re pro-gay, but not pro-choice." The feminist campers feel this program offers them a valuable forum to learn how to become a strong female voice in gender issues. Ok. But if you are going to Feminist Camp, like this concerned, young Wendy Davis wannabe, chances are, you already are a raging feminist! So, yes, maybe we do need Feminist Camp, because I do love that we are prepping the next generation of Hilary Clintons, but, I propose it should be attended by young, male republicans. I think that's what would really help with the feminist cause in the future. 

Get On Board The Love Train

Prague is in the process of developing a "love train" for single people only to ride as part of their metro fleet. Ropid, Prague's public transport company, thinks that the lure of potentially meeting a mate will make riding the train more desirable than taking your own car.
I don't know about this. And if it catches on in Prague, as they think it will by the end of 2013, what if it comes to NYC? I just don't think riding a 2 Train uptown should become a speed dating trap. Mostly I avoid eye contact with everyone on the train so the idea of being submerged underground in a confined space where everyone is looking around judging, flirting, mingling, and trying to get a date sounds absolutely terrifying. Arriving at my stop and still being single shouldn't make me feel like a failure, but it would.
A singles only subway ride just seems so stressful. More so than Virgin America airlines in flight flirting feature. At least that seemed more civilized because drinks were involved and the flirting was done digitally in your seat and hence more discretely.
Why are they trying to make every situation become a singles mixer to remind us that we are alone.
Though, my mom always did tell me that men are like subway trains, another one is always coming.

And this is now stuck in my head.

I Heart NY Art

NYC is a cultural mecca filled with art and surprises around every street corner. That's what I love about it.

Yes, seeing things like this on a daily basis really keeps you inspired.

And right now the city has an offering of truly unique art to experience.
First we have Academy Award nominee turn art object Tilda Swinton at the Museum of Modern Art. She arrives when she wants, unannounced, and enters a glass box to nap. That's it. That's the whole exhibit. Watch Tilda nap. Maybe. You don't know until after you've paid your over-priced admission fee if she feels like showing up and napping. So avant garde.
Wonder what happens if you kiss this androgynous sleeping beauty? (Remember that speed dating art installation in Kiev?)

Next we have the New Museum which has brought it's newest exhibit "Recalling 1993" to every street corner in the city transforming pay phones-which really at this point are practically museum relics-into audio exhibits with never-before told stories and memories from that neighborhood in 1993. So go travel throughout the city on a scavenger hunt for rusted pay phones to hear about events including the World Trade Center bombing, the club kids culture at Limelight in Chelsea, and the opening of Tony Kushner's "Angels in America" in Midtown. You can even hear an account of  Times Square from late night tv personality and sexpert Robin Byrd. This just all confirms that the 90's are so hot right now-from fashion to music to stuff-it seems we are all trying to relive that dream of the 90's. So to experience this art, just pick up any pay phone and dial 1-855-FOR-1993. I would also make sure you have some Purell if you are going to be handling those phones. But there is something so nostalgically awesome about using one of those things again. Oh and in case you are wondering, you won't need a dime to call 1993.

And finally, the "piece de resistance" in the NYC arts scene. Former President George W. Bush's gallery premiere last night of his paintings of puppies at the Gagosian Gallery on Madison Ave. 

Ok....that last one is an April Fool's joke. But for a second you believed it because it's as plausible as pay phones being time capsule art or paying to see someone take a nap. 

I think we've entered a new period in art. I like to call it the Post-Instagram era where anything is a filter away from being art. 

Stranger Than Fiction

Alright television and novel writers, sit back and relax because today, your job was done for you.
This unbelievable headlining story from the New York Daily News today is perfection. The only thing you may need to add is some murder or rape for intrigue and obvious Law and Order: SVU perfection.
Joseph Rosenzweig was a successful NYC attorney, with a beautiful Tribeca apartment, a loving wife, and two daughters. In 1995, Rosenzweig, who had at that point been married for 10 years, went to the New York Dolls strip club with some friends. There he met the alluring dancer Radiah Givens Nunez, a 23 year old stripper by night and Alvin Ailey dance scholarship dance student by day who was just trying to pay her bills. He allegedly fell in love with her so obviously he gave her a credit card, an apartment, an allowance, and paid those bills for her. He even took her on vacations. 
Now the plot on this simple story of an affair thickens. Rosenzweig soon discovered that stripping/dancing wasn't Nunez's only interest. She apparently was a priestess in the Afro-Caribbean religion Santeria. Animal sacrifice is a main ritual in this practice and Rosenzweig noted that in her swank apartment, that he was paying for, she had a "very large altar with all kinds of unusual things upon it." Court documents involving this case state that this sight "pushed the boundaries of Mr. Rosenzweig's comfort level." Yes, I could see how that would be odd and uncomfortable. And hopefully he never showed his affection for her by giving her a puppy. But despite all of this, he continued his secret affair for years and in 2002, asked her to marry him. Now, in case amidst the twist of the animal sacrifice shock you have forgotten, he is in fact, still married to his first wife, who is still is in the dark about this nearly ten year affair with the high priestess stripper.
Rosenzweig and Nunez go to luxury resort in Jamaica and tie the knot. Then the happy couple return to NYC, where it was understood that bigamist Rosenzweig would continue to primarily live with his first wife and family. 
But this silly man didn't get to live out his ideal of having it all very long. Soon after the wedding, a marriage certificate arrived to his home in NYC. The home he shared with his first wife and children. Whoops.
His wife of nearly twenty years obviously flew into a rage.
But it wasn't until 2005 that Rosenzweig ended his relationship and financial support of Nunez. He then later tried to sue Nunez, but she won. And this idiot lawyer's legal troubles didn't end there, he also had to face charges of bigamy and had his license to practice law suspended. 
So there it is, a wonderful parable about why you will always get caught in your lies and a story that is waiting to be ripped from the headlines. And this also totally justifies you feeling suspicious when your man comes home late. 

Too Cold For Murder in NYC But You Can Always Go On Match.com

Earlier this week I addressed the fact that this freezing cold weather made me just want to hibernate in my snuggie. Well apparently, I'm not the only one. Murderers feel the same way. Newsday reported that according to the NYPD, New York City went for the entire past week without any murders. Retired NYPD Det. Sgt. Joseph Giacalone, who is an adjunct professor at John Jay College of Criminal Justice, was quoted as saying "The best cop I met was a female and her name was Mother Nature. The bad weather, the cold weather -- there are less people out on the streets so there is less chance of victimization." Makes perfect sense to me. Good to know that if I have to venture out into that artic I have less chance of ending up dead. Unless I slipped on the ice, hitting my head, and got rendered unconscious and left there for hours in the cold....not that I sit around worrying about crazy hypotheticals like that or anything.
But what I do worry about is online dating. Yep, I'm going to rant about that some more. Because while I'm seeing that murder is down this week due to the cold, I also read about a women who was a victim of attempted murder thanks to a Match.com meet up. She met a guy on the site, went out with him for a week, decided he wasn't the lid to her pot and broke up with him. He then broke into her house and stabbed her multiple times and then stomped on her head. When police arrived, she says "he said he wasn't there to hurt me, he was there to kill me. His intent was to kill me that night." Yikes. But pull up your blankets, because this tale gets more chilling. Somehow, after this incident this psycho was not in jail and got back onto Match.com and met up with another woman who he did kill. He then did go to jail.

Are you terrified of online dating yet? Catfishing is the least of our problems. The woman who survived that harrowing experience is understandably suing Match.com. She claims that they need to put a warning on their site similar to the warning found on cigarettes. I'm all for that. But she claims that "one in five users are part of an attempted murder." One in five?! That seemed an outrageously and terrifyingly high statistic. But then I thought, just this fall a woman reported being raped by a Match.com date, and of course there was that woman who reported being matched to James Holmes, the man responsible for the Colorado movie theatre shooting last summer.
Yep, that's three huge examples of danger from Match.com. Well four actually considering the man who attempted to murder that woman did actually murder another woman. So really I think it's more of only a one in five chance that you wouldn't get murdered by someone Match.com.
So in conclusion, I really am just safer staying inside in my Snuggie and single. 

Not Since 1st Grade Has A Bus Been So Cool

The internet is amazing. Everyday there is a new viral video floating around offering us all distraction from the work we should be doing and fodder to facebook about.
Today I came across this video-which is a commercial for the Midttrafik public buses in Denmark.

Epic, right?
It's like a sexy action film but starring over the top comedic actors. It would be like a James Bond movie starring Jason Sudakis with Kristin Wiig as a Bond girl and. It is awesome.
And more importantly, it makes public transportation look awesome.
Public transportation is something that Europeans are ahead of us with anyway. But with gas prices being what they are, doesn't it make sense? We need to start making our public transportation this great-or at least advertise it to seem this great. I dread a city bus. Why does it smell like urine? Why is it always too hot or too cold? I definitely don't look like that woman in this commercial relaxing in my seat with wind blowing in my hair. And god forbid you touch anything including the over-head rings in the bus or subway in NYC-you'll most likely contract the plague.
But this commercial makes me want to hop on a big, long one all night long. Let's get one of these made for all the US mass transportation companies so that we can be as cool and earth friendly.
As further motivation to make public transit more cool//look more cool-here's what it actually looks like in NYC. 

This dude is licking his shoe.

NYC Is On A Diet

Ok Bloomberg.....I supported your efforts to get New Yorkers to put down the Big Gulp and stop consuming too much soda, but I think now you are on a bit of a power trip with this new "Shop Healthy Program" calling for bodegas and supermarkets to reposition their food products so that healthy food options are placed in front of the store, and junk foods are removed from eye level. What's next Bloomberg? You going to banish the hot dog trucks? Stop the fleets of Mr. Softy from filling the summer evening air with their tantalizing tune? Decree that all restaurants serve vegetables to every patron with waiters that stand over you to make sure you eat all of your peas and carrots?
Obesity is a problem. And education and availability of healthy choices are the important solutions. But this policing is getting ridiculous. We are the land of the free. And you are the Mayor of a city that has many problems you may also want to put some of your energy into-like making sure garbage trucks don't hit cars, especially one carrying the precious cargo of Suri Cruise. And what about that Cowboys and Indian showdown in Times Square? Not to mention the general crime and grime plaguing the streets.
I think it's wonderful, Mr. Mayor, that you care so much about your city and it's people that you just want them to be healthy. But forcing a bodega in the Bronx to put fruit in front of the Funions just makes you a fascist food dictator.

Wild West Showdown in Times Square

The Naked Cowboy (nee Robert Burck) has been a staple nuisance and tourist attraction in NYC's Times Square everyday for years. But now he is outraged because there's a nekked newbie in town-Naked Indian (nee Adam David.)

Now I don't understand why all the sexy, costumed men just can't get along and pose for cheezey tourist pictures together. (Actually I don't understand why in this 100 degree heat we aren't just all naked.)
But Naked Cowboy complained to the New York Daily News that he's been in Times Square "365 days, every day, for 13 years" and Naked Indian has "only been here 16 days and missed two already.” So if you are so upset he's on your turf Cowboy, why are you complaining that the Indian isn't always there?
Basically, Naked Cowboy wants the Indian to either join his company Naked Cowboy Enterprises or face a lawsuit. He says "I don't lose, I always win."
Them are fightin'words. Looks like we are headed for a hot shirtless showdown in the city. Cue the tumbleweed.