Having Kittens Over Choupette

I love wasting time looking at cute kittens as much as the next internet prowler, but meow I'm really sick of hearing about this Choupette, le chat de Chanel's Karl Lagerfeld-who is clearly a very lonely man. Choupette is a fluffy white feline with big Zooey Deschenal-esque blue eyes. And this tail-swishing attention whore is everywhere lately.
The over-privileged life of this furball is sickening. Choupette's a total jet-setter who allegedly even gets to fly in the cockpit of Lagerfeld's plane to St. Tropez because she "likes looking at the sky." She has an ipad-I don't even have an ipad. She is surrounded by gigantic bouquets of flowers. She eats pate at the table out of designer bowls. I ate take out tonight out of the carton while sitting on the couch. She's all over fashion magazines and inspired an entire ice blue Chanel collection for the catwalk from her eyes. The glamour puss has TWO maids. Meanwhile I have to clean cat feces daily because my little princess likes to express her distaste with our poverty by "forgetting" how to use the box. Of course Choupette always looks purrfectly fluffed and groomed sitting on her embroidered pillows. Oh and you can obviously follow the cat's meow on twitter. I'm sure Choupette will even get a pair of those absurdly expensive and ridiculous SOLRepublic cat headphones to listen to Edith Piaf on. She's the Veruca Salt of cats.
I'm over her. And it's not just because I'm jealous of a cat.

Lagerfeld and Choupette even have matching fur.

Kanye and Kim Keep It Klassy

If you are up on pop-culture, you probably can't avoid knowing that rapper Kanye West and reality star Kim Kardashian are dating. And Kanye, who we all know from his infamous Grammy ambush is such a well-mannered, genteel man, has expressed his love for his voluptuous brunette beauty so eloquently and romantically by writing a song about her called "Perfect Bitch." Sounds classy-like a Shakespearen sonnet really. Kim is truly a lucky girl.
The song not only sings Kim's praises but disses his ex-girlfriend, Amber Rose, who clearly was not a good enough bitch. Yep song probably goes something like "Yo, Amber, I'm really happy for you, and I'mma let you finish, but I just got to say Kim has the biggest, sexiest butt ever." Maybe this loving ode will snag Kanye a Grammy. I'm sure it will become a romance classic like "Unchained Melody." What lady wouldn't want "Perfect Bitch" to be their song?

This is Ground Control to Curiosity: In Search of Space Oddity

The historical summer of '69 had Woodstock and the moon landing. For the summer of '12 we have a Spice Girls reunion and the Mars landing.
The Mars landing is a multi-billion dollar effort by NASA that at around 1:30am EST this morning peaked with a successful touchdown on the surface of the red planet after "7 minutes of terror" while it came careening through Mars' atmosphere in what could have been a destructive crash. This was all broadcast and celebrated. People even had parties around this and many gathered to watch the landing on the jumbo tron in Times Square. I was asleep.
The exploratory vehicle "Curiosity" will spend 2 years roving around the cold, desert surface looking for signs of intelligent life and NASA says this will hopefully pave the way for future human exploration there. Or upset the martians and cause an intergalactic war. Either way exciting times ahead.

Bieber's Anit-Balding Tips for Prince William

Justin Bieber is completely useless in my world. This little whippersnapper with his pompadour and pop songs is just a little jerk. I'm sure of it. And other than my distaste for his songs which often sound like a woman is singing, I had little actual proof to back up my beliefs that the Biebs is a total boob-until now. This wanna-be prince of pop is dropping Bieber bombs on our good friend Prince William by mocking Prince Will's bald spot. Really Bieber? Way harsh.
The Biebs told Rollercoaster magazine he thinks William should do something about his hairline.
“I mean, there are things to prevent that nowadays, like Propecia,” he said. “I don’t know why he doesn’t just get those things, those products. You just take Propecia and your hair grows back. Have you not got it over here?”
Ugh. Thanks for that brilliant, unsolicited advice Biebs. But not everyone is as shallow as you or bases their career on their floppy, mangy crest of hair. Remember when Bieber got a haircut and sold the sheared locks for over $40,000? Though it was for charity, what in this boy's under-developed mind leads him to this inflated self opinion? He's a Sampson-take away that hair and he'd have no power. But Prince William has power. He's a freakin' prince! Doesn't matter that he's balding. He is a great humanitarian, budding civic leader, and a role model. Catch that fever Bieber.

Bus Seat Solitude

Frank Capra's classic screwball comedy "It Happened One Night" is based on a chance meeting on a night bus that leads to romance-obviously with several hilarious bumps in the road along the way. It's the original road trip comedy and if you haven't seen it-you have to! But, everyone who has seen this film, whether it be when it was originally released, or now, nearly a century later, absolutely understood that it is a romanticized fantasy ideal of traveling in the least glamorous way possible-a crammed bus. Anyone who has taken a bus across town or even worse to a destination a couple of hours away knows that buses smell (often of urine-why?!), are uncomfortably crowded, and inevitably lead to awkward encounters. You will most assuredly not end up being an heiress on the run sitting next to a dashing Clark Gable who you will fall in love with by the time you reach the next city. Nope. But you may have a screaming baby puke on you, an overweight man take up most of your seat space as well, or be forced to sit next to someone you swear you saw on America's Most Wanted.
The sociology of bus travel was studied by Esther Kim of Yale University who recently published her results of "non-social transient behavior." She conducted the study traveling by bus across the US for three years to examine the unspoken rules and behaviors of commuters.
As we know, on the bus-or any kind of mass transportation, personal space is at a premium. But "avoiding other people actually requires quite a lot of effort and this is especially true in confined spaces like public transport." She explains she found that "We engage in all sorts of behavior to avoid others, pretending to be busy, checking phones, rummaging through bags, looking past people or falling asleep. Sometimes we even don a 'don't bother me face' or what's known as the 'hate stare'." All of this dramatic territorial effort is to keep from being too close to anyone and most importantly from having to share a seat. Kim says that the smaller space we are in for a longer period of time leads to more frustration which then leads to our wanting to disengage from social interaction because we assume everyone around us is potentially as cranky as we are. This is true. I definitely don't want to deal with anyone when I'm traveling on any mass transit. Being in transit I'm already frayed and more volatile. I just want to put my ear buds in and get to where I'm going. I don't want any trouble along the way. And Kim also pointed out the obvious safety concerns of engaging in conversation with strangers and people's underlying fear of the weirdos-whether they be dangerous or not, no one wants to end up having to sit next to someone who is talking loudly to themselves or is peddling pamphlets on armageddon.
So here we are as a culture, constantly desiring to network and communicate via our social media, but at the same time working our hardest to ignore those around us. Maybe we should open ourselves up more. Maybe a Clark Gable is sitting right next to us waiting to sweep us off our feet. Or maybe that guy is really just a creep waiting to sweep our purse right out from under our feet. Guess we are safest in the end just pulling a Mckayla Maroney hate stare.

When It Comes to the Olympics and Sponsorship The Brits Are Trying to Stay Pimm and Proper

Keeping you safe -no non-Olympic brands are entering the premise.

There's been much talk across the pond in London about branding with the Olympics-specifically avoiding brands that are not official sponsors of the Olympics. Private Eye, a British political spoof magazine, even had a cover poking fun at Pepsi being persona non grata on Olympic ground where Coke is the official Olympic sponsor. (Of course if NYC Mayor Bloomberg had his way, both sugary drinks would be banned.) And then there was that unidentified flying object that turned out not to be aliens landing in Parliament but the Goodyear Blimp, ubiquitous at sporting events around the globe, after it had been stripped of any corporate reference.
This is all due to a law passed in 2006 by the British government that not only enhanced copyright protection for the word "Olympics" and related symbols and slogans, but also blocked non-sponsoring companies from suggesting any hint of connection to the games. Several big companies have come up with clever ways around the ban that put them right up against the edge of the law. Nike, which is not an Olympic sponsor, ran an ad campaign in which athletes compete in cities called London — only not ones that happen to be the British capital. Locations include London, Ohio, and Little London, Jamaica, and the ads carry slogans that subtly allude to the Olympics without actually naming them. Crafty.

All of this just sounds like a big nuisance. But now the prim old ladies have themselves all in a fine stir about Wimbledon banning their Pimm's brand liquer. Pimm's, the quintessentially English liqueur, cannot be listed on any menus during the games, even at Wimbledon, where tennis is taking place and where Pimm's is the grand tradition as well as strawberries and cream. They are instead serving a similar cocktail and calling it "No. 1 Cup."

What a bloody outrage. Can you just picture Maggie Smith's face in reaction to this?

But at least sitting at home in my living room watching the tennis matches hours after they've actually happened on NBC, I can enjoy my Pimm's.

In case you want to serve one up like Serena you can make the Wimbledon classic by mixing one part Pimm's No. 1 with 3 parts chilled lemonade, add some mint, cucumber, orange and strawberry and serve in a chilled glass with ice.

Cheers darlings!

Nobody Put Baby In a Newsfeed

Do you hate signing on to facebook and having to look at your friends' babies? Well now there's an app for that! Chris Baker has created a new Google Chrome extension called Unbaby.me that "deletes babies from your News Feed permanently -- by replacing them with awesome stuff." And by awesome stuff they obviously mean cats. Seriously that's the default substitution. Chris Baker sounds like my kind of guy. Is he single?
Just think, you will never have to be ambushed by an album from some girl you went to high school with who has like 20 photos of her chubby baby- inexplicably dressed like a giant strawberry-bomb your cool and drool free newsfeed again.
I would much rather see cats in my newsfeed. But if cats aren't your cup of tea either, unbaby.me does offer you the opportunity to choose any "safe" image you want to replace. You could have pictures of bacon. And for maximum protection, the app knows what to block by picking up on key words like "cutest baby ever," "crawling," "looks like daddy." So assuming those aren't phrases that your non-baby bearing friends use, it will work perfectly.
I know as a young woman in my prime reproductive years I am supposed to look at these facebook babies and think how much I can't wait to have one and how cute they are. But most babies just look like aliens to me.

what you looking at?

Or I'm just appalled at what people think is funny to do to their baby. I mean there is no way these kids will look at photos like this when they are older and not want to hate their parents. And facebook with its captive like-clicking baby audience feeds this kind of creative abuse.

Now if only this technology could be used to stop other things in my newsfeed that I don't like-such as posts spoiling the Olympics and the annoying food porn shots of what people are eating. (Really you are eating sushi? How exotic. And the way you used that green hue in instagram for the photo really makes it more appetizing.) I'd also like an unbride.me app to keep annoying posts with engagement ring hand shots and bride bitching out of my newsfeed. So basically my newsfeed would be all cats. Purrfect.