Reach for the Stars

I've had a busy and exciting month. And now I'm craving some downtime, some time to just hang out on the couch and finally watch those shows Breaking Bad and Orange Is The New Black that everyone keeps talking about. That way when I'm out and someone brings them up I don't have to dramatically divert the conversation by bringing up how I'm considering starting to wear Miley Cyrus style nipple adornments or spilling my drink all over them just to avoid having to admit I haven't been watching the shows which are clearly at the hub of world culture right now.
Well, lucky for me and thanks to NASA, there may be a way I can finally catch up on those shows. Success is doing what you love and getting paid for it. NASA announced they are accepting applications for people who they will hire to spend 70 days lounging about and be paid $18,000. It's my dream job! I never thought I'd be qualified for any job at NASA.

Forbes reported that NASA is using these couch potatoes to research how astronauts, specifically those headed to Mars in a few years, will maintain their health while in space. NASA explains that this "bed rest study" will "simulate the effects of long-duration spaceflight by having test subjects lie in beds for the 70 day period. The beds are tilted head-down at a six-degree angle....this tilt which causes body fluids to shift to the upper part of the body, sets off cardiovascular events that are similar to what we see in a space flight.
The big requirement in submitting to this couch potato job is that you can not be a couch potato at the start. They are looking for fit, healthy, active individuals. (I so have this job in the bag!) They are also looking for well adjusted individuals who will pass mental screening tests to make sure that they are "mentally ready to spend 70 days in bed."

Wow. So while I consider filling out the application, I can't help but fantasize about the things I would do with those 70 days. Here's my bed ridden bucket list (also good planning for winter shut in weather /cold and flu season)

1. Watch Breaking Bad and Orange is The New Black-as previously discussed-as well as really investing in all those documentaries I've cued up on Netflix.
2. Learn a whole new language. Being paid $18000 means I can afford that Rosetta Stone and a plane ticket.
3. Read. I used to do a lot of that before distractions like life, Netflix, marathons of TV shows like Law and Order:SVU and Pinterest got in the way.
4. Master the totally wearable everyday make up of Pinterest.

5. Write an awesome screenplay and use the whole $18000 to produce it and then win Oscars for Writing, Directing, and Acting.
6. Is sex allowed?
7. Solve a New York Times crossword puzzle.
8. Prank call people Bart Simpson style.

 9. Get into a catfish relationship on the internet with someone I already know, though they won't suspect it's me. Mwa-ha-ha.
10. Learn to rap-so I can blow minds at karaoke breezing through Macklemore.

So, yeah.....in conclusion. I have to go fill out that application. I have great dreams to fulfill and working for NASA is the key to reaching for the stars.

Mars, You're So Manly

NASA geeks shared their sophomoric sense of humor with the universe by having one of the Mars rovers draw a giant dick on the red planets surface.

This, like Rule 34, is also one of the world's inalienable truths, if there is a blank canvas, a penis will be drawn on it. I know this to be absolutely true. I have a chalkboard wall in my kitchen.

That's a No to the Death Star

The White House set up a petition system online called WeThePeople. Because we are a democracy. And of course people are using it to petition for all sorts of things, including a Death Star. And the White House had to make good on it's word that it would respond to any petition that received 25,000 signatures and respond to this request from The Empire which received over 30,000 signatures. These are my people. Maybe many of them also spent a good part of their New Years Eve on their couch watching the marathon of the classic trilogy of Star Wars. 
The petition for the Death Star began in November and stated "By focusing our defense resources into a space-superiority platform and weapon system such as a Death Star, the government can spur job creation in the fields of construction, engineering, space exploration, and more, and strengthen our national defense."

The White House response, posted Friday, was written by Paul Shawcross who is the Chief of the Science and Space Branch at the White House Office of Management and Budget. And his response, while declining us of a Death Star, shows that the force is strong in him.
Here it is:
“The Administration shares your desire for job creation and a strong national defense, but a Death Star isn’t on the horizon. Here are a few reasons:

• The construction of the Death Star has been estimated to cost more than $850,000,000,000,000,000. We’re working hard to reduce the deficit, not expand it.
• The Administration does not support blowing up planets.
• Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?

However, look carefully (here’s how) and you’ll notice something already floating in the sky — that’s no Moon, it’s a Space Station! Yes, we already have a giant, football field-sized International Space Station in orbit around the Earth that’s helping us learn how humans can live and thrive in space for long durations. The Space Station has six astronauts — American, Russian, and Canadian — living in it right now, conducting research, learning how to live and work in space over long periods of time, routinely welcoming visiting spacecraft and repairing onboard garbage mashers, etc. We’ve also got two robot science labs — one wielding a laser — roving around Mars, looking at whether life ever existed on the Red Planet.
Keep in mind, space is no longer just government-only. Private American companies, through NASA’s Commercial Crew and Cargo Program Office (C3PO), are ferrying cargo — and soon, crew — to space for NASA, and are pursuing human missions to the Moon this decade.
Even though the United States doesn’t have anything that can do the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs, we’ve got two spacecraft leaving the Solar System and we’re building a probe that will fly to the exterior layers of the Sun. We are discovering hundreds of new planets in other star systems and building a much more powerful successor to the Hubble Space Telescope that will see back to the early days of the universe.
We don’t have a Death Star, but we do have floating robot assistants on the Space Station, a President who knows his way around a light saber and advanced (marshmallow) cannon, and the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, which is supporting research on building Luke’s arm, floating droids, and quadruped walkers.
We are living in the future! Enjoy it. Or better yet, help build it by pursuing a career in a science, technology, engineering or math-related field. The President has held the first-ever White House science fairs and Astronomy Night on the South Lawn because he knows these domains are critical to our country’s future, and to ensuring the United States continues leading the world in doing big things.
If you do pursue a career in a science, technology, engineering or math-related field, the Force will be with us! Remember, the Death Star’s power to destroy a planet, or even a whole star system, is insignificant next to the power of the Force.

So he shamelessly promotes the space program, reminds us that robots almost as cool as C-3PO exist, and tells us that if we want more that we ourselves should pursue a career with the Force in science and math. (That's right kids-don't skip math class. Math is the future. They've been pushing that angle for years. And who knows-maybe if I had worked harder in science or math class I'd have a job.) But the big take away from this response to me is the part about the President "who knows his way around a light saber and advanced (marshamallow) cannon." What?!? Our President is a Jedi!

I'm intrigued and thinking of starting a petition to see some evidence of President Obama's light saber battling skills. And I am also wondering what this advanced marshmallow cannon is and what we will be using that for?
So while I'm waiting for signatures for the petition to join Obama's Jedi light saber training, I desperately want these awesome Star Wars kicks from Adidas. Even though they look like something my brother had in the 80's and cost $200. They will clearly be money well spent when I'm outrunning the marshmallow cannon attacks.

Plus, they'd look great with this Star Wars dress by Sugar Plum by Rachel DeCavage I once got to model in an eco-friendly fashion show. Yes that is made out of vintage Star Wars bed sheets. A geeks dream come true.

Mo-bama-hawk

Undoubtedly by now you heard about the adorable dude at NASA with the mohawk who worked on the Curiosity Mission Operation on Mars last week. His real name is Bobak Ferdowsi and he is a 2003 graduate of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology and a systems engineer at NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena, California. And since appearing on national television broadcasts of the Mars landing with his patriotic maroon-tinted mohawk with stars shaved into the side, he has become a twitterlebrity and has single handedly made science look sexier than ever.
He has even earned the respect of President Obama who gave him a shout out when calling NASA's Mars science laboratory on Monday referring to him as the "special mohwak man." The President complimented the team not only on their success and efforts with the Mars landing, but also on the improved fashion of the scientists saying "It does sound like NASA has come a long way from the white shirt, black dark-rimmed glasses and pocket protectors.You guys are a little cooler than you used to be." 
Obama then admitted that he has wanted to get a mohwak himself but his team for some reason discourages him! But with Ferdowsi's new notoriety and even marriage proposals stemming from his punky do, the President said "I think that I'm going to go back to my team and see if it makes sense." 
Yes, Obama, it would. This would be the haircut that would change everything. Not Miley Cyrus' ridiculous chopped up hair. If Obama got the mohawk he always wanted it would be a game changer for the election, I guarantee it. Especially when it comes to rallying the young voters that were so inspired and enthusiastic about this man who promised change in 2008 to do that once again. This change would make him a little cooler like he used to be. Mo-bama-hawk 2012.

Can't you picture decades from now this mohawked President image printed on our dollars?

This is Ground Control to Curiosity: In Search of Space Oddity

The historical summer of '69 had Woodstock and the moon landing. For the summer of '12 we have a Spice Girls reunion and the Mars landing.
The Mars landing is a multi-billion dollar effort by NASA that at around 1:30am EST this morning peaked with a successful touchdown on the surface of the red planet after "7 minutes of terror" while it came careening through Mars' atmosphere in what could have been a destructive crash. This was all broadcast and celebrated. People even had parties around this and many gathered to watch the landing on the jumbo tron in Times Square. I was asleep.
The exploratory vehicle "Curiosity" will spend 2 years roving around the cold, desert surface looking for signs of intelligent life and NASA says this will hopefully pave the way for future human exploration there. Or upset the martians and cause an intergalactic war. Either way exciting times ahead.