Reach for the Stars

I've had a busy and exciting month. And now I'm craving some downtime, some time to just hang out on the couch and finally watch those shows Breaking Bad and Orange Is The New Black that everyone keeps talking about. That way when I'm out and someone brings them up I don't have to dramatically divert the conversation by bringing up how I'm considering starting to wear Miley Cyrus style nipple adornments or spilling my drink all over them just to avoid having to admit I haven't been watching the shows which are clearly at the hub of world culture right now.
Well, lucky for me and thanks to NASA, there may be a way I can finally catch up on those shows. Success is doing what you love and getting paid for it. NASA announced they are accepting applications for people who they will hire to spend 70 days lounging about and be paid $18,000. It's my dream job! I never thought I'd be qualified for any job at NASA.

Forbes reported that NASA is using these couch potatoes to research how astronauts, specifically those headed to Mars in a few years, will maintain their health while in space. NASA explains that this "bed rest study" will "simulate the effects of long-duration spaceflight by having test subjects lie in beds for the 70 day period. The beds are tilted head-down at a six-degree angle....this tilt which causes body fluids to shift to the upper part of the body, sets off cardiovascular events that are similar to what we see in a space flight.
The big requirement in submitting to this couch potato job is that you can not be a couch potato at the start. They are looking for fit, healthy, active individuals. (I so have this job in the bag!) They are also looking for well adjusted individuals who will pass mental screening tests to make sure that they are "mentally ready to spend 70 days in bed."

Wow. So while I consider filling out the application, I can't help but fantasize about the things I would do with those 70 days. Here's my bed ridden bucket list (also good planning for winter shut in weather /cold and flu season)

1. Watch Breaking Bad and Orange is The New Black-as previously discussed-as well as really investing in all those documentaries I've cued up on Netflix.
2. Learn a whole new language. Being paid $18000 means I can afford that Rosetta Stone and a plane ticket.
3. Read. I used to do a lot of that before distractions like life, Netflix, marathons of TV shows like Law and Order:SVU and Pinterest got in the way.
4. Master the totally wearable everyday make up of Pinterest.

5. Write an awesome screenplay and use the whole $18000 to produce it and then win Oscars for Writing, Directing, and Acting.
6. Is sex allowed?
7. Solve a New York Times crossword puzzle.
8. Prank call people Bart Simpson style.

 9. Get into a catfish relationship on the internet with someone I already know, though they won't suspect it's me. Mwa-ha-ha.
10. Learn to rap-so I can blow minds at karaoke breezing through Macklemore.

So, yeah.....in conclusion. I have to go fill out that application. I have great dreams to fulfill and working for NASA is the key to reaching for the stars.

Meth for the Flu Madness

It's that season again. Anyone who has sat wrapped in a snuggie on their couch suffering through the flu knows that there is not much you can do to feel better. You just have to let it all run it's course and hope there is a good marathon of Law and Order on TV and that you know someone who loves you enough to be willing to brave breathing your contaminated air to come bring you some soup.
There you sit and suffer, only days ago a vibrant, healthy being, now a snotty, coughing mess with dripping eyes framed by dark circles and matted unwashed air. When you catch a glimpse in your bathroom mirror you realize in disgust that in this lowly state you look unmistakably like a meth addict.
Well turns out scientists have discovered that looking like train-wreck Lindsay Lohan while having the flu isn't the only connection between meth and the virus. Researchers in Taiwan published a study this week in PLoS One that methamphetamine may possess flu-fighting properties. They exposed human lung cells to varying quantities meth, then infected them with H1N1 viruses, a common subtype of human influenza and after 30 hours, the meth-treated cells possessed significantly lower concentrations of the virus than the control group did. After 48 hours, the difference was even more pronounced. They concluded this had to do with meth's apparent anti-viral effect occuring during the viral replication that takes place after infection.
But before you go all Breaking Bad and search out Walter White, remember that meth has a ton of outrageously negative effects-such as brain damage, psychosis, heart disease, tooth decay, not to mention it won't make you look any better than when you had the flu. In fact, comparatively, you probably look sexier with the flu.
Like that poor girl from America's Next Top Model with a meth addiction that Dr. Phil dragged out:

Obviously, these scientists are trying to search for safer, structurally similar compounds to meth that could be used to fight the flu.
So stay healthy. But, if you do get the flu, resist temptation to get involved with meth. Though that couch time may be perfect to finally catch up on Breaking Bad on Netflix.