Trump and Palin Join Forces to Lead the Apocalyptic End of Times

I'm not sure why this is being called a "Bombsell Endorsement."
You can't say you didn't see this coming.
But, that doesn't make it any less awful.
Sarah Palin is stumpin for Trumpin.

Inexplicably dressed like Dorothy Zbornak, Palin yips about how great Trump is like she is a yorkie on cocaine. She shouts (Why is she shouting? She has a microphone. Bitch needs to chill.) that Donald Trump will "kick ISIS' ASS!" All the while Trump and his constant duck face stands by gleefully gloating that he is finally unleashing this pound puppy on America. Bringing her out is clearly his eleven o'clock number. Those toddlers in tiaras that he had wearing star spangled tutus and singing patriotic songs that sounded like we are now in North Korea-yeah that was clearly just a starting step to the new level of craziness we will be climbing to.
Maybe all this has been a big staged joke. Maybe Lorne Michaels, NBC, and SNL are in on it. I'm just desperate to find my way out of this wonderland we've fallen into. I mean really Trump and these people who are making him lead in the polls can't possibly  think that when it comes to campaigning he is nailing it? Right? Right!
Obviously anyone with a fucking brain is feeling sick and outraged.
Yep, Palin, you do get one thing right in your "speech." I AM "dog-gone angry." I'm angry that while this is all brilliant stuff for parody, this is real life. And I probably have to give my landlords notice that I will be relocating to another country. It's cold here anyway.
Well, America, I guess it was inevitable. All great civilizations come to an end. One day, thousands of years from now, teenagers will be studying the downfall of the U.S., transcribing our emoji hieroglyphics, and discussing how such a powerful nation came to meet its own demise at the hands of two "reality tv stars."

Also when Palin says "kick ISIS'ASS" all I can hear is the Lily Tomlin speech in the movie "Big Business" where she says she is going to "Raise some hell and kick some snooty New York Ass." That's a great movie. It also stars Bette Midler, who in happier news that gives me something worth living for today announced she is going to be in the Broadway revival of "Hello Dolly."

Just go watch this movie right now. It's so fabulous, it will help you forget or at least cope by reminiscing about the simpler time of shoulder pads.

Who Belongs In Politics The Hotties? The Babies? The Kitties? Or Old, White Men?

In case you are like me and are going through your Generation Millennial crisis and wondering where your life is going and feeling you just haven't accomplished enough, let me help you by introducing you to a four year old young man who just got RE-elected (as in he was three when he was first elected) as the Mayor of Dorset, Minnesota.

Oh and in his little vest and dapper hat he's a got good style and clothes too. Great. I'm wearing yoga pants today.
So, meet Mayor Robert "Bobby" Tufts. He was recently interviewed on MSNBC because of his political aspirations and he is starting pre-school this fall.
Sure, he's only mayor of a town that has no formal government because when it was incorporated as part of the nearby town of Park Rapids when zip codes were created. And sure this town only has 28 people who are technically residents in it. And yes, the election is held at the annual food festival, because obviously this bizarre little hamlet with its 4 restaurants declares itself to be the "Restaurant Capital of The World." And we'll overlook that people pay $1 to vote and can vote as many times at this food festival as they are willing to pay-making this the least democratic and legitimate town in the United States. But the bottom line is that this sharp dressed little man seems to have it more together than me, at least he's on a track.....
Now it becomes obvious when you watch the MSNBC interview, that his brains may not be the conductor chugging him along on that track. Despite the fact that during the interview, he calls himself "the boss," you get the distinct vibe that his mom-whose deep Minnesota accent makes her sound like the mom from Bobby's World-is the one doing the plotting here. Not unlike the human puppet-masters behind all those animals that have run for (and in some cases won) office.
But still, you've got to love America where anyone can truly have a chance to be part of politics. Anyone. Your cat, your dog, your toddler, Sarah Palin, Carlos Danger.....anyone.
That is the democratic utopian privilege that other countries are working towards. Take for example that also in the news today was the story of 27 year old Nina Siahkali Moradi of Iran who won a seat in the Qazvin, Iran city council elections but was then disqualified by her colleagues in the council because she’s “too attractive” to join them. Their reasoning mostly cited that her campaign posters, in which she is wearing a full hijab, were too sexy and made them feel that she was in "non-observance of Islamic codes."

Nina Siahkali Moradi's Campaign Poster

Iran has made claims that it is working to bring women into politics, and the new Iranian president Hassan Rouhani nominated a woman as vice president in his new cabinet who will take office only pending the approval of lawmakers. But, based on what happened to young Moradi, I'm not sure we should hold our breath on Elham Aminzadeh getting to take office as Vice President either.
In the US, women have only been able to vote since 1920 amendment to the Constitution, and now, not even 100 years later, we have so many wonderful women involved in politics in local, state, and national level. But let's consider Hilary Clinton-you know I had to work Hilary Clinton into this. Hilary has been greatly scrutinized for her looks, and has gone through apparent make-overs to up her appeal, to make her more attractive. So here in the US, we prefer our female politicians to be more attractive. Just think, if Sarah Palin was homely, would she ever had made it so far? And she certainly wouldn't have made it to the cover of Newsweek in her running shorts. But the US isn't the only country with some hotties leading them. Check out this list of The 10 Most Galmorous Women Politicians of The World. And beside them all being beautiful, what is even more important is that most of them are absolutely inspiring groundbreakers. (Because I'm in no way saying that the defining characteristic of a woman-or any person for that matter- should be appearance.)
So while Iran is worried about a woman being too attractive for city council, here in America we have pre-schoolers and cats taking offices. Whose government is more messed up? Is the fact that we have tots and pets in office a disrespectful slap to the freedom our country stands for and abuse of the system that other countries are striving to achieve?

Conclusion from all this-go out there, take a chance, and make a difference. Especially if you are a woman. If a four year old can do it, so can and should you.

Hot or Not

In case your eyes haven't gotten frozen in an awkward place from all your political eye rolling in the past couple of weeks, UCLA released a study that makes us binders full of women even more objectified.

Their study concluded that women with more stereotypically feminine facial features (aka prettier) were more likely to be be politically conservative (aka Republican.) The study was conducted by surveying undergraduates, having them identify women's political affiliations based on their physical appearance-their literal facial features including shape of jaw line, arch in eye brow, and height of cheekbones.

Alright, several things fundamentally bother me about this study. Why should we even be wondering if Republicans or Democrats are hotter? Or what a Republican looks like? The superficial message this study is telling young women is disgusting. It's not about how you look, it's about what you believe and are passionate about that matter. Young girls and women already feel enough pressure to be pretty, and now this study can lead them to think that political beliefs just fit in as part of the package with the mold of how you look. You shouldn't think that to be considered pretty you are Republican. 

Second, think back to the last election where there were two women representing each party in the limelight. Republican Sarah Palin was getting all sorts of attention for being "hot." Yes, she is an attractive woman, but clearly she was not capable as a world leader. Meanwhile, Democrat Hilary Clinton, a highly educated and intelligent woman, was struggling to get the momentum she needed to get to a national platform, a problem many have often attributed to her "likeability." Beyond her beliefs or personality, was that also regarding her appearance? If this UCLA study is true, we could concur that her look hurt her. The fact that Hilary over the past couple of years has seemed to change-grown her hair out to a more feminine style, began to dress more sharply, all disturbingly imply that we, as a nation, do prefer our political women to be more feminine. Shouldn't Hilary's experience, beliefs, and knowledge be enough? Has she fallen into the trap of competing in a beauty contest as well-becoming a lipstick democrat? But if there are studies like this being done, it's no wonder why that is a pressure for her to feel. It shouldn't matter. A woman in a political position of power should not be the poster hung in a college dorm that boys jerk off to anyway, right? That's just disrespectful. And don't worry, I find it equally offensive when women talk about the "sexy" Paul Ryan muscles. I would have at least struggled less with this study if it had studied men as well. Do we think male Republicans are more attractive? If we are going to go there, let's play a game of marry, boff, kill with Clinton, Obama, and Romney. Come on ladies, that's a no brainer!

In an election where women's issues and choices really matter, this study seems to take us all back to a time where women had no rights but the right to look pretty. Corsets and petticoats have gone the way of horses and bayonets. So too should the idea that what women look like matters, let alone make their political beliefs predictable. Don't judge the book by it's cover. Seriously, just think, 50 Shades of Gray has a quite boring cover.

Strippers Shocked to be Left High and Dry By RNC

No one prepared for the RNC like the strippers. As reported on CNN, the GOP usually means great business for strippers. Republicans are statistically more likely to outspend Democrats heavily at topless bars and strip clubs according to the head of The Association of Club Executives which is an organization for the nation’s 4,000 “gentleman’s club” owners. In anticipation of the arrival of hundreds of pent up, wealthy, horny republicans, Tampa strip clubs added talent, new rooms and food menus. Clubs took out ads inviting GOP delegates "to party like a liberal" in a city where the "poles are open all night."
Maybe the mermaids were titillating enough, or it is the storm, or maybe the politicians are too worn out from all their pro-life and tax reform conversations, but for whatever reason, the fish aren't biting and the empty clubs are filled with frustrated owners and cranky strippers who are shocked that the conservatives aren't getting liberal. One dancer known as "Jill" whined to the Tampa Bay Times "So where is everyone? What is everyone doing? Are they sleeping? Republicans have money."
Sorry "Jill" looks like you won't be making your college tuition this week.

But one club, Thee DollHouse, did meet their expectations with an increase of visiting Republicans slipping their tax dollars into the panties of 'Sarah Paylin'. Not to be confused with the former Vice-President candidate who she greatly resembles, this is Lisa Ann, the adult film star of the 2008 "Who's Nailin Paylin?" She was brought into town special for the event to deliver the "stimulating keynote undress" and you betcha those boys were excited.


 Well we can only hope that these last few days will be lucrative for these strippers. With all the rain in town, it would be a shame for them to stay dry. Yep, I went there.

Romney Picks Ryan Out of the Political Nose

Meet the new guy: Paul Ryan. The Republican from Wisconsin was announced as Mitt Romney's running mate at the end of last week. And this is what's wrong with media. Before I knew anything about him politically, I heard that he had big baby blue eyes and hair like Eddie Munster.
But then I heard about his deep connection to Ayn Rand whose work allegedly inspired him to get into politics and I started to become concerned. He has even been quoted as saying that he gives out "Atlas Shrugged" as Christmas gifts. Actually, given the fact that he is such an Ayn Rand fan, I'm surprised he gives out Christmas gifts at all seeing as Rand's philosophy is that selfishness is a virtue and altruism and Christianity are evils. (Ryan is on record that he does not with agree with Rand's atheist beliefs, but still....)
Further research into who this man is leads me to learn things even more disturbing including his stand against gay marriage, the fact that he is extremely and proudly anti-choice, and he has an economic plan called "The Path to Prosperity" that seems to really only lead to prosperity for the already prosperous.
And then Sarah Palin endorsed him on facebook. Maybe they're hunting buddies. I saw a bunch of pictures of Ryan in camouflage holding his hunting gun and various conquests including deer and turkeys that weren't helping me like him any more.
Alright, so now we'll just wait and see how the campaign trail bromance between Romney and Ryan blossoms and where the chaos takes them. Unlike Romney, Ryan is a great public speaker who does have a likability factor (I even read he was voted "Biggest Brown Noser" in high school) so this should be interesting. Bring it with your baby blues Paul Ryan. Game on.

And side note: If actor Matthew Morrison (Glee) knows what's good for him, he'd start practicing a Paul Ryan impression for SNL.

And speaking of Ayn Rand and politics, I can't help but think of a droll and intelligent play I workshopped a while back at Where Eagles Dare Theatre by N. G. McClernan that was built around her political and socio-economic beliefs. Here's a clip from the show in which I'm also ironically channeling Sarah Palin in looks:

Just Saying.....

More of the same with unsurprising developments on last week's headlines.
--Mitt Romney's horrible case of foot-in-mouth continues to cause him trouble abroad in Israel where he managed to make all sorts of controversial statements and get the capital of Israel wrong.
--Another athlete was booted out of Olympic competition for racist tweets.
--And the always sage Sarah Palin chimed in on another hot topic tweeting a picture of her and the hubby enjoying some Chick-fil-A.
It would have been a good week for me to have posed as a psychic-I would have totally nailed all these predictions.

Palin Explains It All

The always profound Sarah Palin weighed in on the tragic Colorado massacre and whether the nation needs to have gun control laws. I was just waiting and hoping for this rifle loving lady to fire in on the discussion. In an interview with a reporter from entertainment website The Wrap, the former Alaska Governor and vice presidential candidate offered amazing words that are at once consoling and wise, while at the same time being quite radical and offering us a lot to think about. I almost got choked up hearing what she said.
Brace yourself.
"Bad guys, the criminals, don’t follow laws."-Palin
Perfect. I was wondering how to define what exactly it was that bad guys did that made them criminals....but I just couldn't put my finger on it. Thanks Palin for pulling the trigger on that bullet of knowledge to my brain. 

Political Animals

Mayor Stubbs having his daily afternoon cocktail to ease the stress of life in politics.

Alaska-the cold, distant state that unleashed Sarah Palin on us has a new face of politics that's making headlines. Stubbs, a 15 year old part-Manx cat, has been elected Mayor of the town of Talkeetna. The town of 900 didn't like the human mayoral candidates so Stubbs impressively clawed his way to power as a write-in vote reported USA Today.
The Mayor holds court in his "office" Nagley's General Store and enjoys catnip served in a wine glass every afternoon.
Wow, Alaska. You really know how to pick political leaders. 
I suppose in their defense it should be pointed out that Mayor Stubbs is not the only four legged furball politician around. Other recent political animals included Lucy Lou, a dog elected as a Kentucky town's mayor and Hank the Cat, who made big national mews when the fluffy Maine coon led a strong cat-paign to seriously get on the Senate ballot.

Is this where we are at politically as a nation? So apathetic to government that we'll elect pets?

Our furry friends are even playing a part in this year's presidential campaign. The much discussed "Mitt Romney dog incident" became a serious issue in character for Romney in the election. Basically a story broke about how in 1983, Romney and his family were on a family vacation and took their Irish Setter Seamus along. But Seamus rode on the roof of the station in a carrier-which many thought sounded cruel. As if that wasn't bad enough, poor Seamus got car sick and got diarrhea which oozed down the windows of the Mitt Mobile. Reportedly, Romney stopped at a gas station, cleaned up, and put Seamus back on top of the wagon. A Public Policy Polling urvey found that 74% of Democrats, 66% of Independents, and 63% of Republicans consider it inhumane to put a family dog in a kennel on the roof of a car. The poll also found that 35% of voters would be less likely to vote for Romney because of the Seamus incident. There's also www.DogsAgainstRomney.com.

So are pussies and pups the answer to politics? Well Sarah Palin's state says "you betcha!"