Put Your Jaws Up Little Monsters

Yesterday a man on Cape Cod was reportedly attacked by a great white shark. This is the 19th shark attack in the US this year. The attack sounds like something straight out of Jaws. The man was body boarding when the shark's dorsal fin emerged to the surface (cue the haunting theme music) as the shark allegedly headed right towards him biting both his legs.
This attack comes only a few weeks after a man kayaking in California had a great white bite into his kayak.
Terrifying. But I'm prepared. When I head to vacation on the Cape I'm sporting this awesome bathing suit. I think the sharks will appreciate it and therefore choose not to snack on my probably very yummy thighs.







Also all of this shark drama will undoubtedly boost ratings for the Discovery Channel's upcoming Shark Week.
And in case you are like me and just can't wait to stare at predatory sharks for hours in sick fascination you can watch this live SharkCam of the tank at the Georgia Aquarium from their website!


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Broadcasting [Not] Live From the Olympics

NBC is working around the clock to make sure that our Olympic viewing experience is as frustrating as possible. From delays, to spoilers, to their bizarre editing of the tribute to lives lost from terrorism, the network has really done a great job at reminding us that facebook, twitter, and the internet have made live TV and news media as dated as MySpace and telephones with cords.

What is the point of watching the Olympics on tv, NBC? The abundant commercials aren't great. And your commentary, especially by smug Matt Lauer, leaves much to be desired. Gone are the days where you gather with friends to cheer on your favorite athlete and event, eagerly sitting on the edge of your bar seat as they approach the finish line. Now thanks to NBC choosing to put prime events during prime time, in many cases by the time you are watching it, you know the outcome. It takes all the excitement out of the sport watching experience to not have it be live. Just think of the lameness of watching the Superbowl the day after when you already know who wins and what all the major plays will be.
Whether social media/internet or NBC is to blame, save a few moments, the Olympics this year is like a beer left open that's gone flat, sure the alcohol and athletes are still in it, but it's just not as much fizzy fun.

Just Saying.....

More of the same with unsurprising developments on last week's headlines.
--Mitt Romney's horrible case of foot-in-mouth continues to cause him trouble abroad in Israel where he managed to make all sorts of controversial statements and get the capital of Israel wrong.
--Another athlete was booted out of Olympic competition for racist tweets.
--And the always sage Sarah Palin chimed in on another hot topic tweeting a picture of her and the hubby enjoying some Chick-fil-A.
It would have been a good week for me to have posed as a psychic-I would have totally nailed all these predictions.

Soup for You

What do you do if you starred on a major sitcom over a decade ago and haven't had work since? Well obviously you capitalize on that branding as much as you can to cling to those fleeting moments-even if that means riding around on a food truck giving out free food. Yep, that's what actor Larry Thomas aka The Soup Nazi from Seinfeld is doing.
From the end of July through next week, he will make his way in the Soup Nazimobile from Albuquerque, to Chicago, Philly, Boston, NYC, and Baltimore giving out free mulligatawny soup, and other foods iconic to Seinfeld including Junior Mints, muffin tops, black and white cookies, Twix and Snapple. As an actor, I find this publicity stunt tragic. His agent and  resume couldn't even land this poor man a job in summer stuck at Lake Winnipesaukee? Dancing with the "Stars?" Commercials for Campbell's? Anything? Yikes. Is it too late for me to go to law school? At least I can get some free food on August 1st when it rolls through Manhattan. Just don't take too long ordering or tell him he looks like Al Pacino in Scent of a Woman. Next!

I'm Going to Have Nightmares from the London Olympics Opening Ceremony

The Opening Ceremony to the XXX Olympics in London has left me with images that will haunt me when I close my eyes tonight.
Moments like this creepy-as-hell giant baby:

 And oh god this:

And what is this creature of the night descending ?

And why giant puppet Cruella DeVille? Just look closely at that poor, terrified child dressed as a puppy stuffed into bed with this monstrosity!

From what I could piece together when I was not too scared to look, England seemed to want to show their great history from the feudal years with sweeping pastorals complete with livestock to the Industrial Revolution where giant chimneys emerged from the ground to the technology revolution with a weird and irrelevant teenage love story involving sexting culminating with the guy who invented the World Wide Web typing that this nightmare was a gift for everyone. What givers those Brits are. They also wanted to to show their contributions to music throughout the years from haunting children's choirs singing folk tunes to the Brit pop invasion. And don't forget their salute to socialized medicine with dancing nurses and doctors from the National Health Service. That could go to Broadway.

There were some wonderful moments. I did enjoy hundreds of floating Mary Poppins. And David Beckham driving the speed boat carrying the Olympic Torch was the perfect sexy touch. He looked like James Bond.

But of course actual James Bond (Daniel Craig) was there. He and the Queen appeared in a comical little pre-filmed segment together and then arrived in a helicopter which they "parachuted" out of making quite the grand entrance.

And entrances is really what this ceremony is about as most of the hours of programming is the Parade of Nations with all the competing countries strutting out. That means it's time to put on those Made in China masterpieces Team USA! It's also time for you at home to sit there and have some wine and realize that you had no idea that there was a country named "Ja Booty"-Djibouti. And then get depressed that you are older than like 90% of the competing athletes and what have you done with your life.....so drink more.....ooooh look at those Brazilians!.......

Then just when you think that thanks to wine and those yummy, strapping athletes you have gotten some of the horrifying images from the pompous circumstance ceremony out of your head, they bring out hundreds of bicycle riders wearing glowing wings-allegedly symbolizing peace doves-but really they look like florescent flying monkey minions from The Wizard of Oz.

They light the torch, there are millions of dollars worth of fireworks, and obviously Paul McCartney is there to bring it on home while everyone sways to "Hey Jude." You know these athletes are partying like rockstars tonight in that Olympic village.

But the important thing is that the Olympics, in a blaze of pyrotechnics, have arrived and the world is about to embark on days of exciting, peaceful athletic competition. And of course we have the closing ceremonies-which are rumored to have a Spice Girls reunion.

I'm off to go sleep perchance to dream of a a giant Voldemort puppet. May have to leave a light on.

Romney Makes a Bloody Wanker of Himself

Oh bollocks

Presidential candidate Mitt Romney contracted a horrible case of foot-in-mouth disease while in London. He most likely contracted this embarrassing ailment before leaving the country and airplane travel or sipping English breakfast tea just made it more severe, but the timing for a breakout of foot-in-mouth couldn't be worse as this is Romney's first trip abroad as the presumptive GOP presidential nominee. The foot-in-mouth's primary symptom caused Romney to publicly question how prepared London is for the start of the Olympics and his comments obviously got a sharp response from British Prime Minister David Cameron. He then caused snickering among the Brits when he said that he spent a great day in the "backside" of Downing Street, rather than the back garden. And because this disease just makes it impossible to say anything appropriate, his verbal diarrhea announced his meeting with MI6, the U.K. Secret Intelligence Service whose existence was only acknowledged by the British government in 1994.
No word as to whether or not Romney will seek treatment for this disease or if he will continue to be one of the hundreds of politicians it affects daily causing them embarrassment and difficulty whenever they open their mouths. Our thoughts are with his campaign staff in this time of panic.

Palin Explains It All

The always profound Sarah Palin weighed in on the tragic Colorado massacre and whether the nation needs to have gun control laws. I was just waiting and hoping for this rifle loving lady to fire in on the discussion. In an interview with a reporter from entertainment website The Wrap, the former Alaska Governor and vice presidential candidate offered amazing words that are at once consoling and wise, while at the same time being quite radical and offering us a lot to think about. I almost got choked up hearing what she said.
Brace yourself.
"Bad guys, the criminals, don’t follow laws."-Palin
Perfect. I was wondering how to define what exactly it was that bad guys did that made them criminals....but I just couldn't put my finger on it. Thanks Palin for pulling the trigger on that bullet of knowledge to my brain.