Why My Eyes Are Stuck Like This

Today's post is a collection of things that will make me roll my eyes until they get stuck that way.

First we have Chris Brown.

It wasn't bad enough that the lady abuser went ahead and committed a gay hate crime shoving Frank Ocean around over a parking spot and/or a dissed handshake, he then went home and created some homo-erotic Jesus art for instagram. He says he's just "painting the way he feels today." And that would be as some great, misunderstood muscular messiah being crucified for sharing his message of angry hatred and pop-locking skills? I don't know.....

Next we have the state of Virginia where apparently it is illegal to "shack up." Yes, living out of wedlock is a misdemeanor there. So this means, if you live in Virginia with your significant other, do you have to keep up some comical ruse of him being gay ala "Three's Company" whenever your snoopy landlord or a cop is around?

Florida, Michigan, and Mississippi also have this absurdly outdated law. But in Virginia, a bill to repeal the law is currently making its way through the state's General Assembly. While a Senate committee advanced it unanimously, it still faces a full Senate vote and, if it passes, a review in the House of Delegates. Let's hope that happens. Especially for those estimated 140,000 Virginians living in sin who are running out of Mr. Roeper-tricking schemes that could lead them to a $500 fine for a first offense with subsequent offenses which may carry up to one year in jail and a maximum $2,500 fine. Yikes. Well, at least this should help put some of those gay rights laws in perspective. See how annoying that is to be breaking the law just to do what you want with the person you love?

Also-Following the December shootings at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, CT, a meeting of the Gun Violence Prevention Working Group was held at the Legislative Office Building in Hartford yesterday. One of the speakers was Neil Heslin, whose 6-year-old son was one of the shooting victims. When Heslin called for an assault weapons ban at the hearing, dozens of of gun enthusiasts starting heckling him. Seriously? Heckling a victim who lost his young child? Regardless of your beliefs on the constitutional right to bear arms, this is just horrifying treatment of a man who is grasping to comprehend what happened and how he can prevent other parents from having to feel the pain he does. Heckling? What the hell?

And finally, if you can even take anymore eye rolling, we have the new facebook app Bang With Friends. If having Words with Friends isn't enough stimulation for you, this app, which launched a week ago, allows you to use your words and friends to help you pair up for hook ups. You sign up, message the friends you are "down to bang", if they also identified you as a friend they'd be into, they will receive your message, and then you can both get to it. Eek. I'm unclear as to whether or not this posts updates about who of your friends is banging to your newsfeed? Or if it posts a relationship status for you saying you are banging someone? But basically, facebook can now act as your pimp. Did you really need this skeevy app to know which of your friends you could hook up with? In the old days you would just end up sleeping with that hot friend you had perceived sexual tension with after a night of binge drinking. Nope, nowadays you have to be a techno tease and use things like this app and something called "Snap Chat" that allows you to send texts with short lasting sexy selfies. This all sounds like a lot of gross effort to make an awkward mistake. Nothing good will come of this. I do not click like on it.