Keep Calm and Carry On

I'm working on not jumping to wild conclusions and overreacting. Mostly because it is exhausting. For example, the emotional drama I put myself through every time I freak out after going on WebMD when I have a weird ache or pain is worse for my health than anything.
And when I'm at a bar and a random guy starts talking to me, it's probably not accurate to be assuming that he is just planning to mug me.

But I do find it hard to calm my own self down when I live in this world where it seems everyone around us is anxious to escalate every benign situation into epic mass panics.




A great example of this occurred this week at a Target in Australia involving a man, a selfie, a Darth Vader cut out, and a crazed, paranoid woman. 

It shook down like this: A man stopped in the toy section to take a funny selfie with a giant Darth Vader cut out to show his kid. But then a female shopper heard from her kids who were also in the toy aisle about a man, wandering alone in the toy section, with a camera pointed at them. She did what any reasonable person would do and jumped to a crazy conclusion-that he was a child pedophiler. So she took his picture and posted it on the interwebs labeling him as such.
Here is the inflammatory rant she posted along with the picture:

Her post went viral and now this poor Star Wars loving man is receiving death threats and is afraid to leave his house.
This is a good lesson. We do need to calm our tits down. Maybe also stop binge watching brain food for these fears like Law and Order SVU.  
But, here's the thing-I can understand the thought path paved with paranoia this woman was on. And cell phone snap shots can be deceiving. It's hard to tell which of the two lens on cell phones is actually taking the picture. We are all walking around with James Bond spy gadgets. In fact, I have, on more than one occasion, pretended to take a selfie so that really I could surreptitiously take a picture of somebody doing or wearing something ridiculous that I felt I needed to share. And to keep up that ruse, I even pulled a fake selfie face. So, yeah, her fear is not totally unfounded. But, still.....

May the force be with us all as we try to navigate the galaxy of hysteria.

(Also, I'm back and you're welcome!)

Selfies Most Wanted

A new day, a new terror to obsessively worry about.
A man broke into a family's house in Denver. He didn't hurt anyone or steal anything, all he did was take a selfie with a haunting, mocking smirk using the woman's cell phone.

 This is like the start of a Lifetime movie that at first seems like something you can sit and mock while enjoying a glass of wine, but quickly becomes filled with plot twists that will haunt your dreams.
So the cops are on the look out for a bold hipster with a penchant for ironic selfies. All of Brooklyn would be suspect if this hadn't thankfully happened miles away in Denver-where the subway and bicycles from Brooklyn don't go.
I can't help but think that this will be the continuation of the disturbing new trend of escalating selfies. First they were just innocent, but annoying "look at me" pictures in the bathroom or car, then they became braggy "look at what I'm doing" pictures of people in cool locations or doing better things with their Saturday afternoon than you were. But before we knew it, the selfie had gone to a new level with things like "Funeral Selfies." The more wrong of a place to snap a picture, the more right it felt.
People just can't help themselves. And it has all led to trouble, like the man last week who was arrested after taking a selfie of himself with the phone he had just stolen. Idiot.
Anyway, back to the Selfie Creeper in Denver....I just hope this isn't something that people start doing. I would like to think this is one isolated incident where this man was just involved in a drunken bar dare or something. Though since a neighbor who was interviewed by the cops said they were pretty sure they saw this man lurking around the neighborhood, that is seeming unlikely. Oh god. If I look at my phone when home alone and discover that some dude has just taken a freaky selfie-I don't know what I'd do! Certainly demand the police sit on my house with protective detail for weeks. I'd also then demand that I get to play myself in any Lifetime movies or Law and Order SVUs made.
So.....yes. Selfies are becoming terrifying. I probably won't sleep tonight.
But I also need to mention that there is a brilliant website doing their best to put a stop to this madness-or at least make us be held accountable.
SelfiePolice.org is an effort by independent students in association with The Tyler Robinson Foundation . As they describe on their website, their goal is turn "vanity into charity" with "one-hundred percent of funds raised by the #selfiepolice will be contributed to Vittana, an innovative organization dedicated to fighting world poverty by providing student loans to college aged kids in third world countries." You can fine yourself or charge your friends. I'm not saying I'm innocent and don't post selfies so I think this is something we should all get behind. It may be the only way to save humanity at this point.

Law and Order: Special Furby Unit

Assault by Furby. A 27 year old woman in Pennsylvania threw the demonic, babbling toy at her live-in boyfriend over an aggressive altercation about a facebook post last week.
I knew the day would come when these Furbys would be at the root of an attack on civilization.
But what I wasn't prepared for was the idea of Furbys taking over Law and Order: SVU. But when googling the headline "Furby attack" for research, I came upon something even more amazing than using a Furby as a weapon. I came upon this fan fiction that submits what may occur if Furbys were to appear with Detective Munch and gang on Law and Order: SVU.
Now I must confess that upon seeing the title of this fan fiction post, I was strangely excited to contemplate all the gross possibilities that could happen involving the mechanical ball of fur as a sexual predator and deviant. Perhaps it is my general belief that these toys are up to no good, or my hours of Law and Order watching that have turned my mind into a sick, dark place. And at first I found myself let down by the banal scene which simply and innocently places the Furbys in the squad room with Benson, Stabler, Munch, and Fin as part of a Christmas charity drive-but things quickly took off on a bizarre twist mostly focusing on Elliot and Olivia flirtations. Oh fan fiction. And of course, this now has me thinking that last week's Furby domestic assault should inspire a Dick Wolfe ripped-from-the-headlines "the Furby made me do it" episode.

Call SVU-Another Republican is talking Rape

Republican Pennsylvania Senate Candidate Tom Smith is also a candidate for the worst pro-life statement ever said. And that is impressive given what Todd Akin said last week.
Here's what happened. An Associated Press reporter was interviewing the Tea Party endorsed candidate and discussing his pro-life stance. Smith was asked “How would you tell a daughter or a granddaughter who, God forbid, would be the victim of a rape, to keep the child against her own will? Do you have a way to explain that?” Smith responded  "I lived something similar to that with my own family. She chose life, and I commend her for that. She knew my views. But, fortunately for me, I didn’t have to.. she chose they way I thought. No don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t rape." When the reporter, who I am sure was confused and appalled, managed to squeak out, "Similar how?" To which Smith smoothly answered, "Uh, having a baby out of wedlock."
That's right. This genius just compared having a baby out of wedlock to rape ladies. Yeah illegitimate rape, illegitimate baby....totally the same thing.
These republicans sure have weird opinions on what rape is. Maybe they should cozy up on the couch and watch a good long marathon of Law and Order: SVU so they can get a somewhat better grip on what exactly it is before they make us all legitimate victims of their stupidity.

Also, if you want to read a great editorial on the whole Akin controversy, check out this in the New York Times by columnist Maureen Dowd.

You Don't Always Get Law and Order-Unless You Have Cable and Kym Worthy on Your Side

I have a confession. I will sit and watch hours of a Law and Order: SVU marathon. It's ok. You can admit you do it too. I love Ice-T's smug remarks. Mariska Hargitay is a beautiful, strong chick. And Christopher Meloni-yep. He could specially victimize me with his unit anytime.......
And this year I got to work for one glorious day on the show! I even got to do a scene with Captain Cragen and one with Mariska Hargitay. She slapped me on the butt in between takes. It was amazing.

That's me in a scene yelling at Cpt. Cragen on SVU!

 Even though Law and Order: SVU and its heinous sex crimes always reminds us that they are "ripped from the headlines," it's often hard to think of the real men and women of the law who work this job and help these victims-probably because the actors on the show do such a great job completely solving these crimes in an hour long episode.
But violent acts against women don't always meet the tidy resolution that they do at the hands of Benson and Stabler and ADA Novak.
In Detroit, Michigan, prosecuter Kym Worthy is leading a charge to get the 11,000 police rape kits sitting in storage for years—which contain swabs of semen, saliva, and other evidence—tested for DNA. She's also working to help other cities do the same.
But why are all these rape kits just sitting around after the victims come forward and agree to do the three-hour or more rape kit exam? Part of the reason for the clog is the price of testing the kits. Each kit can cost an average of $1,200 to $1,500, as technicians need to extract and separate DNA from two people—the victim and the assailant—from a swab. I guess it's just TV magic that Stabler and Benson just walk into a lab and get DNA from the hair on the tape and the semen on the toilet seat after the commercial break following the rape.
Kym Worthy's efforts in her search for justice and closure for women are valiant and impressive. And her passion is most certainly personal as she herself was a victim of a rape.
The gang at Law and Order: SVU would be proud of Kym Worthy. Perhaps they should make her a character. Rip Kym Worthy from the headlines Dick Wolf!
In the meantime, while we are waiting for the next marathon of SVU to bring their swift justice, here's a great video of an actress playing every coveted NYC actor part on SVU in search of blood, hair, semen.