A Bearlebrity is Born on Twitter

This is Meatball aka Glen Bearian. He is a 400 pound black bear who has done something that I and many 110lb starlets can not do-make a name for himself in Tinsel Town. Though he did commit a felony to get attention-kind of like Lindsey Lohan.
After breaking and entering into a home, he was caught eating meatballs out of the freezer. He was then taken miles away, only to resurface on the exact same street days later again rummaging through trash. Aging Winnie the Pooh and Yogi Bear should feel threatened-this bear totally is snagging their stage and using that cute hungry bear shtick they totally did. 
But this attention-craving L.A. bear is a clever one and turned to twitter to save his hide. People have incredibly raised $90,000 to build this bear a habitat on an animal reserve. This is the first positive use I have seen out of the social media sight. Makes me hate twitter a little bit less to see it used for good and not evil.
Click here for the story from CBS news.

This face that launched a thousand tweets is the newest star in Hollywood.

October is About Scary Boobs

The month of October is known for two things. 1. It is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. And 2. It is Halloween. Both are important. Both feature breasts. And both can be scary.
So it stands to reason that we should just try to consolidate these two.
So for Breast Cancer Awareness Halloween I present these scary bras to show my support of the ta-tas. This will catch on. Trust me. So don't be caught with your shirt off and just a regular non-monster bra.
*Also consider getting involved in a Breast Cancer fundraiser and be aware of your own breast health! It is important!

That's the flatest pumpkin I've ever seen--but this is clearly the perfect way to show off your love of breasts and  Halloween--thanks to etsy.

 

Get groped with this Skeleton Bra from etsy.

All eyes on you with this Eye Bra from FullMoonDirect.com

Lure those monsters out from under your bed into your bed with this monsterpiece of lingerie from Framptastic. This also looks like it wears well under a t-shirt.

Na-Na-Na-Na-Na Bat Bra! from ThisNext.com

Nothing is sexier than looking like you were just shot through the heart-from etsy

Since Halloween is all about the candy anyway, why not just get this and have all the vampires get high blood sugar from nibbling on you.

The Addams Family's Cousin Itt is a perfect and alluring boudoir look for those cold October night's--also from etsy.

And because we already know Big Bird will be a popular costume this year-get this look from etsy

"S" is not for Sexy on Sesame Street

Well thanks to Mittens-Big Bird is hot right now. But if you are thinking of trying to be a hot Big Bird for Halloween, think again.
The Sesame Street Workshop has decided that this Halloween is brought to you by a letter alright- a cease-and-desist letter to costume website Yandy.com for their obvious Big Bird knock-off "Exclusive Yellow dress with Stockings."

Now maybe I'm wrong-but this flapper-esque feathered look is more ridiculous than sexy. Yet the website (where the costume is still listed and available for purchase) describes the the look as

"The three-piece, sexy Big Bird Sesame Street costume includes a textured dress with pink, sheer waist sash, faux flower detail at shoulder, multi ruffle skirt, pink and red striped, stirrup knee highs with bow tops and Big Bird character headband. Learning the ABC’s has never been this sexy.”

I am confident that at Halloween parties this year Big Bird costumes will be as abundant as Sarah Palin costumes back in 2008. And since Halloween has become the time to unleash your inner skank, it should come as no shock that costume designers are working to slut it up. 

Now, if Sexy Big Bird is pulled off the market, don't panic. You can still turn beloved Sesame Street into a red-light district Halloween whore-show with one of these costumes which are sure to strip you of any muppet-loving innocence. Some of the ones below I find profoundly more disturbing than the Big Bird. Have the people at PBS seen these yet? I think more legal action is needed, because seeing these costumes out there will make for the scariest Halloween yet.

 

And the worst of all..............

 

A Political Work-Out

While everyone spends today fixated on Romney's binders of women, I'd like to back track a bit to discuss another interesting reach by the GOP: Paul Ryan, looking like a Jersey Shore douche, in a work-out photo spread in Time Magazine.

Take a good look ladies and gentleman, that baseball cap wearing dude could be our next in line to the Commander in Chief. He looks like that guy at the gym that you just want to avoid eye contact with. This is worse than when Sarah Palin wore her running shorts on the cover of Newsweek.

What are they trying to show us with images like these? That they are "fit" to run our country? That they are willing to go that extra mile? Do the heavy lifting?
I think it's more that we love to try to relate to our celebrities-just think of those sections in magazines where they show us celebrities "normalling" doing things like shopping at the grocery store, pumping gas, picking their nose. So Paul Ryan posed as a situation in his work-out gear seems a logical choice for candidate marketing. Especially in clinching that coveted vote of gym rats and Jersey girls. But this kind of image is not new. Remember this?

That's Clinton and Gore back in the glorious 90's in their sweaty booty shorts enjoying some post-run McDonald's. They were so cool.
But somehow, Ryan's photo in Time doesn't make me think he is cool or capable. I literally just want to take a shower because I feel slimy. He looks exactly like the kind of guy who has binders full of bitches. He and Romney are a perfect fit.

Binders Full of Women

That's the take away from last night's second Presidential debate. Romney, in a misguided attempt to prove that he supports women and values them, told an anecdote about putting together a cabinet in Massachusetts when he was governor. Apparently, after having all men apply, and knowing that wouldn't look good, he told us with great satisfaction that he pulled out binders full of women that were brought to him.
Here they are. Binders full of women.

What the hell was he thinking?

I do like to think that this reaction also happened.

Oh Romney......you are doing a wonderful job at making these debates more entertaining. First it was firing Big Bird, now these binders, I just can't wait to see what you drop next!

Dating a Man with "Kids"

I've discussed before why in this scary world I am sometimes ok with being single. And here's yet more evidence for the case of society vs. me just being left alone cuddling with my cat.
Here's the scenario. You meet a guy. As always, he's seemingly normal upon first meeting. You go for dinner. He mentions his kids. You are a bit taken aback as dating a man with children can be complicated but he seems nice, he paid, and he didn't seem to judge you when you scarfed down all the bread from the bread basket. So then he suggests you go back to his place. You walk in and see this:

NOOO!
Well that's how things would go if you were the lucky lady who went out with Dan Knowlton-a man who has a collection of 600 Cabbage Patch Dolls that he has been collecting since the 80's. Not terrified yet? As reported in the Huffington Post, Knowlton said, ""My Cabbage Patch Kids are my children....they now take up most of my home." He spends HOURS each week changing them into new outfits from the many clothes (that he hand makes for them) and also cleaning the beds, chairs, and shelves where they live. What kind of real job does he have I wonder? That caring for the kids all sounds quite time consuming. Maybe he puts some of those kids to work as scarecrows.
So......the next time a man mentions he has kids, I will immediately picture an apartment scene similar to this and want to quickly escape. I am also not convinced that buried beneath all those dolls is this man's mother stuffed Norman Bates-style and also wearing some hand stitched outfit.
And in case you are not scarred enough from learning about this man or your fond childhood memories of these dolls was not ruined enough, check out the many Urban Dictionary meanings for Cabbage Patch.  "Dude, I love her cabbage patch snatch. It really turns me on." Gross.

Scaring Up A Job

Throughout this election, and especially in last week's debate, we keep hearing about how bad the economy is and how there are no jobs. And it's very true. But it is not just a problem for us here in the States, it's a world wide problem. And nothing shows how bad times are more than the fact that a recent college grad in England is forced to take a job as a scarecrow as reported by the BBC. Yes, the kind of scarecrow that sits on a farm chasing birds away from the crops. That's an entry level job nowadays for college grads. That used to be a job for a lifeless straw-stuffed dummy with a stick up it's butt. Be afraid. You now have to have been to the wizard and have a brain to do that job.

Jamie Fox is a 22 year old young man who graduated last spring from Bangor University with a degree in Music and English. (That was his first mistake.) He is now employed as a scarecrow by farmer William Youngs in Norfolk. He wears a bright orange rain slicker and scares the birds with his accordion playing. In moments of quiet he takes in the fresh air and reads. He is getting paid about $400 a week. Doesn't sound too bad actually. I wonder if the job of being a scarecrow comes with health benefits? You know in case you were to contract bird flu?
This has me thinking of some of the ridiculous jobs I, a degree holding woman several years out of college, have done along the way that have paid way less than the scarecrow job including: dog sitting, playing Wii with senior citizens, distributing beer samples dressed as a fraulein....not to mention it's not any great professional accomplishment that I essentially touch my toes for a living (in between performing/filming gigs) teaching fitness and dance classes and sometimes I don't even make as much as this scarecrow position. Now granted, I hold a degree in Drama and Art History. Why did my parents let me do that? But I'm beginning to feel that maybe I should rethink my career path. As far as dignity? Ha! I gave up on that when I shot this in an ad:

So if you know of any openings for a scarecrow in the New York/tri-state area, I hold a BA and thanks to yeas of dance training, I am comfortable jumping around scaring those birds. I can't play the accordion, but playing Wii with those senior citizens I got really good on Guitar Hero. Additionally, I can loudly deliver at least four Shakespearean monologues on command, and I know that they must be off-putting because I have not been cast once from delivering any of them. But most importantly, I do have a lot of experience getting rid of birds as I spent many obsessive hours beating Angry Birds.