Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Technology Lets You Be A Jedi But Not A Woman

I'm geeking out! This amazing new invention lets us unleash our inner Jedis to control our technology. I am finally beginning to feel that we are in that future promised to us by The Jetsons and Back to the Future Part 2!

The MYO from Thalmic Labs is an armband that detects motion and muscle movements to allow control of a Mac, PC, or other device using gestures. And at $149 pre-sale it's a real steal. As stated on their website, the device works "right out of the box" and "can control presentations, video, content, games, browse the web, create music, edit videos, and so much more." So cool! Just watch the video and think how proud Yoda will be of you when you rewind a video with the flick of your hand that says "these aren't the droids you are looking for."

I am so excited by the cool, futuristic technology of this that I almost didn't notice the major problem with it's promotional video. Almost. Did you catch it? Watch it again. It's not what is in the video that is disturbing, it's what is not in the video. What's not in this video is women! There is not one woman or girl using the MYO. They show 8 amazing and practical uses for this technology and it's all men using it. Does it not work for women? Can women not be technology Jedis? At the very sexist least they could have had a woman be the person chopping veggies and using this gadget to rewind the cooking tutorial.
While I'm still fascinated by this device, this is a problem. A video marketing new technology does something like this, totally omitting anyone who doesn't have a penis, and I see exactly what I am trying to prove when I constantly feel the need to assert myself as smart and geeky. This absolutely perpetuates that stereotype that boys will buy tech toys because they are smarter and into science and technology. And girls will buy pretty pink lacy dishtowels-or some other archaic crap-because they are prettier and like pretty things and playing house. Ugh.
Here's the underlying issue.....
I know it's trendy to be a geek right now. (Though I just don't understand the Urkel nerd glasses trend.)
But I am not a geek to be chic. I am a full on technology/gadget loving guru who, thanks to my brother, saw the original Star Wars trilogy enough times we could recreate it verbatim with our hundreds of action figures. I also still love my Super Nintendo, playing along with Jeopardy, and obsessively reading the news from many sites including Science News.
So my problem with this current trend that embraces geekiness is that I think it's created "geek posers"-especially among girls/women.
Ok, I obviously bought the Darth Vader sweater at Forever 21.
These women who are now wearing their over-sized glasses, watching Big Bang Theory, buying sweaters with Darth Vader on them from Forever 21, and talking about how into technology they are because they synced their ipad and their iphone are the equivalent to me of a hipster dude with a moustache-total frauds.
It's not that I don't think it's wonderful that geek culture seems to make it cool to be smart, especially after girls have had a long suffering history of a world telling them it was ok to be pretty and dumb. Remember that talking Barbie in the early 90's that said "math class is tough?" But what's not wonderful about this geek culture is that it isn't encouraging girls to be any smarter, it's just encouraging them to look smarter. Technology is the future, and we need to make sure that it is not a boys club. And ladies, look at the cool technology skills that you could miss out on by not being a real (smart) geek. Now let's use this MYO device to perform Jedi mind control tricks on men.

Tuesday, February 26, 2013


Because sometimes among all my ranting, there are things worth raving about and every once in a while, someone will surprise you with kindness. Prepare to hide your tears while watching this. Now go out and do what this boy did and treat others as you'd want to be treated.

Can Black Face Come Back And Not Be Racist?

Some things are so awesome they should make a comeback-like the TV show American Gladiators-why and how hasn't that had a reboot in this reality TV and fitness crazed society?
But then I feel there are things that should probably never happen again. Some because they are stupid-like the Rachel haircut, wall mounted mechanical singing fish, overalls. And some because they are offensive-like sporting black face make up in a racist way.
Black face theatrical make up was an important performance tradition in 19th century American theatre minstrel shows and Vaudeville. But its use to create caricatures of black people that perpetuated stereotypes played a significant role in cementing and proliferating racist images, attitudes and perceptions worldwide. And since the Civil Rights Movement, the use of black face has been the cause of controversy and is generally seen as quite racist.

This week black face make up has been seen twice as making a bizarre cultural comeback among a politician and in high fashion.

First, we have prominent State Assemblyman Dov Hikind from Brooklyn who hosted a massive Purim party at his home featuring fourteen hours of food and drink and, as is customary on the Jewish holiday, elaborate costumes. Mr. Hikind said a professional makeup artist came to his home to transform him into a “basketball player” with a costume that consisted of an afro wig, sunglasses, an orange jersey and brown face paint. And obviously the picture was found on facebook. But he claims respect is the name of the game explaining, “Purim, you know, everything goes and it’s all done with respect. No one is laughing, no one is mocking. No one walked in today and said, ‘Oh my God.’ … It’s all just in good fun with respect always, whatever anyone does it’s done with tremendous amounts of respect and with dignity, of course.”
I really just don't know what this guy was thinking or how he can possibly feel this costume does not come across as racist. Really the wig would have probably been enough to get the point of his costume across. Hikind also admitted to The New York Times that for next year's costume he was thinking of being an Indian, but after all the backlash over this year's look from clergymen, elected officials, and the Anti-Defamation League, he says that might not be a great idea. You think, dude?

And meanwhile, in the trend setting fashion world we have a 16 year old white model posed as an "African Queen" in an editorial for 'Numero' magazine.
Yikes. I'm not sure how this was decided upon, but it is odd. First comes the question of why couldn't they have just used a black model? What defeating message does this send to young black women? (Incidentally, I read that 82.7% of the models at NYC Fashion Week were white this year.) Not to mention that it also seems to be setting a scary beyond "Snookie' or 'tanning mom' standard for white women. Is this fashion spread trying to suggest to women that they should tan and use bronzer and make up to the point of nearly black face? But I suppose, it could be argued that many black women have for years been attempting to fit the standard of white beauty through products, and especially with hair styling, so why shouldn't white women also want to strive to look black? Maybe this isn't offensive at all. I don't know.
Remember Robert Downey, Jr. in the film "Tropic Thunder?" I think after the shock wore off we decided that was ok. He was even nominated for an Academy Award for his brilliantly hilarious performance as the pitiful, over the top actor.

I guess the bottom line is that racism exists and is something we should be sensitive to. And it is worth keeping tabs on how black face re-enters the cultural mainstream. So when a politician dresses up as a caricature of a stereotyped basketball player, I question his judgement and his thickness at not seeing why it's potentially offensive. And when a fashion magazine turns a beautiful white girl into a beautiful black girl, I think it's bizarre but consider the source-this is also an industry that has tried to make us want to be many non-human colors.

Monday, February 25, 2013

Get Gallon Smashing

I feel obliged, so you don't embarrass yourselves, to let you know that dancing Gangnam style or doing the Harlem Shake is so yesterday. So immediately stop production on your elaborate dancing viral video fame quest and head to the grocery store because apparently the new thing to do is much simpler. Just toss two gallons of milk into the air and then throw yourself dramatically to the ground.
According to NY Daily News, this fad has a name--"Gallon Smashing," and it was started by pre-teen prankster brothers, Omar, Faysal, and Zayd Khatib. These three stooges made a compilation of themselves wreaking havoc in grocery stores with their over-dramatic falls and splashes that has been viewed over 2 million times in just 10 days of being on youtube--the website that single handedly is fulfilling what was spoke of by the prophet Andy Warhol.
Now, I must admit, this simple America's Funniest Home Videos worthy stunt is tempting. I do have to go to the market later, and what could make a mundane trip to Trader Joe's more exciting than to cause a scene in the produce aisle when I just let that milk go and use my dancing skills to do a choreographed tumble to the floor, landing with my heels up in the air, legs flailing. Maybe a handsome man will rush to my rescue. Maybe I'll get a great lawsuit settlement from the market. But most importantly, I'll be well on my way to youtube fame as a Gallon Smasher. No crying over that spilled milk.

Law and Order: Special Furby Unit

Assault by Furby. A 27 year old woman in Pennsylvania threw the demonic, babbling toy at her live-in boyfriend over an aggressive altercation about a facebook post last week.
I knew the day would come when these Furbys would be at the root of an attack on civilization.
But what I wasn't prepared for was the idea of Furbys taking over Law and Order: SVU. But when googling the headline "Furby attack" for research, I came upon something even more amazing than using a Furby as a weapon. I came upon this fan fiction that submits what may occur if Furbys were to appear with Detective Munch and gang on Law and Order: SVU.
Now I must confess that upon seeing the title of this fan fiction post, I was strangely excited to contemplate all the gross possibilities that could happen involving the mechanical ball of fur as a sexual predator and deviant. Perhaps it is my general belief that these toys are up to no good, or my hours of Law and Order watching that have turned my mind into a sick, dark place. And at first I found myself let down by the banal scene which simply and innocently places the Furbys in the squad room with Benson, Stabler, Munch, and Fin as part of a Christmas charity drive-but things quickly took off on a bizarre twist mostly focusing on Elliot and Olivia flirtations. Oh fan fiction. And of course, this now has me thinking that last week's Furby domestic assault should inspire a Dick Wolfe ripped-from-the-headlines "the Furby made me do it" episode.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Vajamas Will Change Everything

I am the Anna Wintour of lounge wear. From snuggies to hoodies to simply wearing the bed comforter, I am up to date on the newest trends in couch fashion and I effortlessly make lounge wear look chic while stretched in elegant repose on the couch.
So, darlings, it is my duty to alert other cushion-istas to the newest in lounge pants-the Vajamas. They are so hot they are selling out their pre-orders! These unisex (despite the seemingly feminine name reference), drawstring (a comfy choice for expansion when couch binging) pants are made of "vagisoft" a synthetic fleece fabric that makes them, as stated on their website, "quite possibly the softest pants on the planet." Well, I'm sold. Even though the term "vagisoft" to me seems better suited for some sort of high absorbency tampon.
But how can one determine an item to be the softest on the planet? Luckily the creators of Vajamas, Betabrand, had researchers who developed this brilliant "Soft-O-Meter" that can detect and compare the density of 'softrons,' the subatomic units of softness.
We've all heard of a sweater as soft as "a baby's bottom," well apparently that's crap. Baby's bottom soft is like a burlap sack filled with sand. And being up the butt of a silkworm? That would feel like being in a tiny twin bed with low thread count sheets covered in crumbs. And if you thought a cotton field in heaven or the warm pouch of a magical kangaroo made of clouds were places you'd like to sit and cuddle while taking in a marathon of Pawn Stars, then think again moron, because you may as well be sitting on a plastic lawn chair in a polyester wet suit with an itchy skin rash if you aren't wearing Vagisoft. So the only thing softer than the fabric of these perfect pants is being in the womb of a marshmallow mermaid. Well obviously tomorrow in yoga when I go to my happy place, it will be into that marshmallow mermaid's womb. But back to these Vagisoft fabric Vajamas. I need them. And as if their reading on the "Soft-O-Meter" wasn't proof enough, check out the marketing images:
This picture says these pants are like cuddling with the fluff of baby chickens. In fact they're probably even softer. I'm not sure, but I think that one chicken looks pissed and it has to be because they realized that their yellow fluff provided by nature is nothing compared to these pants.
These pants are like a cloud. They are truly heavenly fabric of the gods. Look at the divine rays of light surrounding you when you nap away the afternoons of your prime years in them. Gods will not smite you for committing the mortal sin of sloth in these.
Bunnies. You thought they were soft? No. You were a fool. Even the velvety bunny wants to get in these pants.

And what about the highest authority on laziness and cuddling? What does the cat have to say about these Vajamas?

Just look at that cat's face-it says it all. It says "I never thought I'd say this but I wish I could wear those pants so I too could have the feeling of being cuddled at all times." (Or it's gasping for air saying "Sweetheart, get out of these ugly sweatpants and get a boyfriend to cuddle instead of me you pathetic loser." But I'm pretty sure it's the first one and that these sweats are perfect.)
It's all marketing genius with these Vajamas. I'm not even questioning for a second that my $85 dollars could be spent in a better way.

How To (Not?) Teach Quantum Mechanics

When I was in 7th grade, my science teacher drank her own urine in front of class to grab our attention and show us the "magic of science." Her disgusting and insane stunt certainly left an impression on me and peaked my interest in what was in store for us in her unique curriculum.
Well this week, Emlyn Hughes, professor at Columbia University, beat my piss sipping teacher with his whacky attempt to get across a lesson in quantum mechanics. Against a projected backdrop showing images of 9/11 and the Holocaust, he stripped to his underwear, got into the fetal position, and then two people dressed as ninjas attacked stuffed animals. Prof. Hughes explained to the class at the end of this bizarre scene that he did this "in order to learn quantum mechanics, you have to strip to your raw, erase all the garbage from your brain, and start over again." Interesting.
I have found that many educators, like my 7th grade science teacher, after years of working to get through to students, end up hopping on a train to crazy town. They just start desperately doing the weirdest things they can think of to hold the attention of the class, especially when most students nowadays are on facebook or playing Words With Friends during lectures. But when I think of being a student in this class and watch the video of it, I find myself thinking how terrified I would have been watching this all unfold. At one point, when he picks up the microphone, you can hear on the video one of the many confused students mistakenly think it's a gun. And who can blame her? I would have been utterly convinced that this man in his underwear curled up under pictures of Nazis and the falling World Trade Center was unstable and potentially dangerous too.
And as captivating as his introduction to quantum mechanics was (because after this I found myself actually intrigued about a topic which previously I had never even thought about), he still has the task of explaining/teaching it. Because, while I vividly recall my 7th grade science teacher drinking her urine, I don't remember what on earth the actual science lesson was that she was attempting to teach us. I fear that it will be the same outcome for this professor. While these students will definitely never forget this lesson-in fact I'm sure they will be haunted by it, they may not remember much about actual quantum mechanics. But undoubtedly, this professor's classes will now earn quite the reputation and become legendary at Columbia for the shock value. And now I'm looking forward to hearing about what other stunts teachers will start doing to grab attention of students and fame from the internet, because with a whole captivating world of knowledge at our fingertips, teachers clearly have to do something to make class better then wikipedia.

Friday, February 15, 2013

In Which I Prove Valentine's Day is as Bad as a Lifetime Movie

So yesterday was Valentine's Day. The most contrived and nauseating of all holidays. And now, thanks to the modern marvels of social media, I was forced to be informed about every bouquet of flowers, every teddy bear, and all five of the Valentine engagements among friends and acquaintances.
But the day wasn't all roses and bright balloons floating high on sugar and love if you were reading the news. In fact, the news helped prove that this day, or more importantly, love in general isn't always so sweet. If anything, it all seems more like a Lifetime movie, you get sucked into it by accident, it's poorly executed, and has an unbelievable and contrived plot. To further support my theory-just wait and you'll see yesterday's Valentine's Day headlines will be Lifetime movie plots within the year.
Here they are-your headlines of love gone wrong, filled with drama, murder, intrigue, and the potential for starring role appearances by actors you thought you'd never hear from again.

Olympic and Paralympic bionic man track star Oscar Pistorius was charged with murder after his model girlfriend was shot and killed at his home in South Africa early Valentine's morning. Another hero falls. This Lifetime movie will be titled "Running Into A Wall" with the tagline "How rage ruined it all for a hero athlete."

Meanwhile, in Argentina, we have a 23 year old women, Edith Casas, who yesterday had a Valentine's Day wedding to Victor Cingolani, a man convicted and serving jail time for killing her twin sister Johana more than two years ago. This Lifetime movie (if this outrageous story hasn't already been one) would simply be called "My Sister's Killer."

And finally, we have the on-going drama of what happened to Sarai Sierra, a mom from Staten Island who took off on a mysterious photography trip to Turkey and ended up murdered, her body discovered among the ancient city walls. Valentine's Day was the day her husband proposed to her, and now, as her wake is being held, he is facing the mysteries of whether or not she had an affair with a Turkish man in a bar bathroom, who this homeless man Z is that may be involved in her death, and what she was really doing  and involved with overseas. This Lifetime movie will be called "Picture Perfect," and they will obviously play up that she was a perfect housewife with a secret life as a spy posing as a novice photographer.

Monday, February 11, 2013

It's a Great Time to Be Old-Unless You're The Pope

Today it was announced that Pope Benedict XVI is stepping down. The 85 year old explained "my strengths due to an advanced age are no longer suited to an adequate exercise of the Petrine ministry."
While the Pope felt that he was too old to go on, there is so much evidence and propaganda out there that getting older doesn't mean you grow any duller or weaker.
In fact there are several examples of "old" out there that are making me almost (almost) excited to age like fine wine. It's like when I was in elementary school watching Beverly Hills 90210 and I couldn't wait to be a scandal-causing teen hanging out at The Peach Pit.
Frail and cluless blue haired ladies are a thing of the past. Look at 67 year old actress Helen Mirren who debuted her pink hair (inspired by something she saw on America's Next Top Model) on the red carpet. Awesome.
This commercial for GNC featuring spunky Edith, a 91 year old great-grandmother dressed like an old school rapper, reminding us to exercise and take care of ourselves to stay young.

And last but not least, perhaps the old bag that started it all---the incomparable Betty White. Betty White has been old for as long as I can remember. And like a piece of barn wood becoming a Pottery Barn coffee table, her fame has been reclaimed with imitable style. This broad has made being old a thing the way Paris Hilton defined carefree, slutty youth for all the ingenues after her. And as she turned 91 this month (celebrated with a "Betty White's 2nd Annual 90th Birthday" TV special), Betty White quipped that "Now that I'm 91....I'm much sexier." And it's true. Somehow the older she gets, the hotter she is. The President called her a national treasure, she has TWO tv shows, commercials, a sexy after her prime is great for her.
So, I guess those tears I shed into my pillow the morning after my last birthday were in vain. Old is just a state of mind. We don't all have to shrivel up into a cocoon of crazy like Baby Jane. We can just proudly embrace our idiosyncrasies and enjoy being admired for our age because really just being alive is an accomplishment. Being over the hill sounds like a wonderful place. But I suppose it ought to be the glass of wine and pint of ice cream kind of reward for all that hard-work from the up-hill battle of life to get there. But if these old biddies have taught us anything, it's just to make sure you never grow up.

Kim and Kanye Are Jesus And No One Cares

I really don't care at all about self-indulgent celebrities and their ridiculous antics. So when it was "breaking news" that Kim Kardashian and Kanye West posed with Jesus on the cross arms in front of the Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil I thought who the hell cares. Then I saw the photograph and I loved it because no one cared!
Look at them-standing there with Jesus thinking they are king of the world like Rose and Jack on the bow of the Titanic. And look at how none of the other tourists around them give a Kardashian's ass.  They are all just doing their own Jesus pose or their own I want a Big Mac McDonald's pose like that guy behind them. Even the girl to their right who Kim and Kanye are practically blessing with their Jesus arms seems blissfully unaware that she has been touched by the divine. Really, not one open-mouthed gawker rushing them in adoration. Amazing. This picture is evidence that only we have the power to stop the fame-whoring monsters. If we can all stop "keeping up" with them, eventually they will become just another anonymous, annoying tourists on earth like everyone else.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Ladies Hide Your Broomsticks

A woman, accused of being a witch, was tortured and burned by a mob of people in her town in Papau New Guinea. She was accused of witchcraft by the family of a 6-year-old who recently died. Town authorities didn't condone what happened to this 20 year-old alleged witchy woman and are investigating it as a crime, but law officials did say they felt that courts should "be established to deal with sorcery allegations, as an alternative to villagers dispensing justice."
So we're back to this violence against women? Literal witch hunts against women? Complete with witch trials? Yikes.
Well, if you are a single woman, who lives with a cat, and knows how to swim, you better hope you can recite prayers before a court because apparently an angry mob of villagers is coming for you. I'm in trouble.

Whining Nemo

This weekend the Northeast got pummeled by a blizzard of epic proportions.
So I'm still stuck inside in CT. It's been days but feels so much longer. Today, when I tried to step foot outside in daylight for the first time since Thursday, the bright sun reflecting on the chest-level mounds of snow made my eyes hurt and I had to quickly retreat back inside to hibernation. I'm going stir crazy and have eaten all the food in the house, including an entire tray of brownies on my own,  and we are running out of quality things to watch on Netflix. But luckily we are well stocked on alcohol and all this snow allows for no shortage of ice to keep that cocktail or Pinot Grigio chilled. Stay safe and warm, but whatever you do don't stay sober. Trust me, you don't want to face the cold, hard reality that all this snow won't melt until May.

Friday, February 8, 2013

Don't Judge a Book By It's Cover

A new book cover for L. M. Montgomery's children's literary classic Anne of Green Gables is upsetting and outrageous. It pictures a curvy blond, provocatively posed. Whoever is responsible for this cover clearly never even heard of Anne-the spunky, skinny red haired girl covered in freckles. Anne's hair is actually important to the story and the character she is, like it is for many red heads. In fact she even breaks her slate over a boy's head in school when he calls her "carrots." Anne didn't always love being a red-head, but she certainly would not have approved of being turned into this blond. In fact she says in the book that if she had her choice she would have had hair of “a glorious black, black as the raven’s wing.”
This misleading book cover is one of a many in a disturbing trend I have been noticing where publishers are giving makeovers to classic literature to lure in the Twilight generation of Beliebers.
Just take a look at these book covers that while they may be eye-catching and more modern looking, they really remind us that you can never judge a book by it's cover.
Warning the book To Kill a Mockingbird does not actually involve a bloody massacre of birds.
This retelling of Shakespeare's tragedy of the star crossed lovers is an even more extreme example because it's not just the cover that has been made over, but the entire book. This is exactly geared towards that Twilight set I was referring to. Seriously, is it me or is that Edward Cullen and Kristen Stewart on the cover. Just read the original play kids!        

Jane Austen's tale of the matchmaker Emma is what the great film "Clueless" is based on but this cover updates her even more giving Emma rainbow braided hair evocative of Pinterest. Why?

Yikes. So much going on here for this new cover of Alcott's Little Women. While I appreciate the reference to the March girls' fondness for needlepoint, this design has me exhausted by this book without ever having read a word.
Oh look-it's Twilight! Nope actually it's Emily Bronte's Wuthering Heights-which (spoiler) has nothing to do with vampires despite how similar these covers are to trick you into reading it.
Now Bram Stoker's Dracula IS about vampires-but this bloody cover that looks like an over the top instagram edit is a weird marketing tactic.
This is a cover for an edition of the actual "Romeo & Juliet." Or is it a poster for the revival of the musical "Hair?"

This cover for Hawthorne's The Scarlet Letter seemingly turns the story of the ostracized woman into "Mean Girls."

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Barbie Puts Dream House On The Market

The Fiscal Cliff, global economic crisis, the bad housing market-this all meant nothing to me until today. Things are serious. Barbie is selling her dream house.
Her pink Malibu home is listed on the luxe real estate site for $25 million dollars.
The Listing Details describe this "pinktastic" 8,500 sq foot "ultimate bachelorette compound" as featuring an "elevator equipped with a state-of-the-art pulley system" and having a "pink Poliform kitchen" with "chef-worthy appliances as well as doll-licious plastic food that never spoils." It also describes the obvious ample closet space for shoes and clothes and the sparkles and chandeliers. But I think really the biggest selling point is the ocean view-a "truly unobstructed view of the ocean (after all, it only has three walls.)"
But why is poor Barbie selling? I imagine after years of extravagant living, she is feeling the reality of the nation's economic hardships. With all her various career pursuits, she undoubtedly has thousands upon thousands of dollars in student loans. I'm sure as times got tough, she turned to ebay to attempt to auction off some of her clothes and shoes. Maybe she even downsized to a less flashy car. But now she is selling her dream house? For some reason this fills me with the same sadness that you feel when you realize you are going to have to give up on your childhood dreams of marrying a prince, becoming a starship captain, and having a stable of unicorns. And while I gave up all of that to be a curmudgeon adult and focus on the one pipe dream of performing for a living, Barbie was the smiling symbol of the live the life you imagine mantra. But now she's being forced to sell out and sell that pink, plastic dream. I just refuse to think she is selling her dream house to join the Millennial ranks with me, becoming a scarcely employed apartment dwelling renter with limited closet space and a budget that allows only for shopping sprees in Marshall's clearance section. I find myself hoping she is selling this bachelorette pad, not out of financial hardship, but because she's finally committing to Ken and is looking for more of a family house, making Barbie just another beeyatch to make bride before me. And Barbie's sparkly dream wedding will surely make that Royal Wedding look like a hillbilly ho-down in a Walmart parking lot.

Nothing New Under The Sun?

The art of deception has had new standards set thanks to Brett Eric Drachenburg of Florida. This man put Houdini to shame when he broke into a house and stole a towel, or as the arrest report interestingly phrased it, "did unlawfully deprive the owner of the use of the towel." But most importantly, he attempted to disguise himself as the sun "with the intent to obstruct the due execution of law." The freaking sun!!! How, do you ask, was such deception executed? The report does not say. But my imagination is peaked as to how this man, holding his contraband towel, transformed himself into a blindingly bright burning ball of gas. Did he hold a lamp and fart? Was a costume involved? Did he merely hold up a newspaper entitled "The Sun" over his face? How does one become the sun?! Inquiring minds want to know. In the meantime, add another fear to the ever-growing list of things to be worried about in this world and look out for people breaking into your house to steal your linens disguised as celestial beings.
Look out for this guy.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

A Dress That's Asking For It

Just in time for Valentine's Day.....Finally scientists have put their brains to good use and have created a dress that becomes transparent when the wearer becomes aroused. Excellent. I was waiting for an easy way I could let my date know I was into him. And what better and classy way to lure in a man than to have him sensually eye me during dinner, swoon, and then presto!--there are my nipples revealed during mid-bite of ravioli. And really, who's to say that it wasn't the ravioli that got me all excited.

I'm not even sure what the purpose of designer Daan Roosegaarde's 'Intimacy 2.0' garment is. I mean really, if you are turned on by your date and want to show him that you are looking to get intimate, can't you just take off your dress? How romantic this frock is- "I knew she loved me from the first time her dress went see through." Gross. Really it's not like you'd actually want to wear this Judy Jetson dress out in public. Where would you even wear this? Most dresses now with all the side boob and that cleavage down to the navel don't leave much to the imagination anyway so I guess this is just the natural progression. In the future apparently we'll all be sluttier. Which brings up a concern with a dress like this- those Republicans, who are already confused about rape, will be able to say things like "Her dress showed she was turned on and asking for it. It wasn't rape." And you may not have wanted it. It might just have been amazing ravioli.

Oh and here you can see this dress in action in it's promotional video. Frankly, I think they should fittingly set this to The Pointer Sisters' "I'm So Excited."